Hello again, you beautiful people!
Today I want you to think of a game that is very sharp and unforgiving, and nearly impossible to master. The machine that sucks quarters and seems to hate you, or that one game where the ball is seemingly always in danger of going somewhere you don’t want it to go. A game where you must pay for even the smallest mistake. What is your “tightrope game”, so to speak?
Mine is Pat Lawlor’s Whirlwind, and here is why:
So I will set the scene.
I am in the B Division of a tournament in my city in 2018. I’m player 1 of four, on my first of two EBs, ball 3. I am in second place, around 1.5 mil behind Player 4 in first.
Before me, he started a really good MB after a Mega Door Bonus, and was scoring a lot of Million Plus shots on me. This was a problem, because those shots can be worth monster points if made many times.
And he did indeed make it very many times. He scored around 20M from the multiball mode, and after lighting the locks, landed a 3-way Combo before fluking a backhand up the right ramp, locking a ball. After two minutes, he lost the ball to an alley pass gone wrong.
It was my turn.
On the first ball, I didn’t do so hot. I lit the lock again, and that was pretty much it, save for a lot of good ramp shots.
On the first EB though... say what you will. I plunged to the flippers, and caught a Skill Shot by banking off the 3-bank of drop targets, and it got better from there. The only thing not great was that I messed up a chance at Quick MB, but otherwise, I thought I did well.
But tragedy struck without warning.
For whatever reason, I was not hitting the right ramp very well. I was a bit disappointed in myself actually, to see myself missing like a dyke on a bike. It was at that point that I screwed up; changing my plan, I tried to get some green targets.
What happened next changed everything.
I went for a loop through the jets on the left and tried to time a shot perfectly. Well, I made the loop, but I was not anticipating how fast the ball would travel. Was it trying to break the speed of light? I don’t know!
All I know is that I fudged the timing and shot too late, and the ball went most of the way up the side ramp, but it was just too weak. The ball must have been some 3mm from getting all the way around, and it came hurtling back.
Directly for the right outlane it raced, at fifty miles an hour.
Was I doomed? Not exactly... The thing is, I am used to these fast, erratic returns from misses, and can handle these moderately well, so I wasn’t too worried. Besides, I had an extra ball waiting for me after this one!
Now, this part is 100% real. No joke.
By some miracle, I PULLED A SAM HARVEY OUT AND REVERSED THE DIRECTION OF THE BALL!
If my opponents weren’t watching, nobody would believe me now. But I assure you, it really happened.
But at this point, the machine had enough of my tricks. If it could speak, it would have said, “Take this, you cheating bstard!” Guess what it did...
THE BALL LEFT THE DRAIN, ONLY TO MAKE A HORIZONTAL JUMP INTO THE OTHER OUTLANE!
At that point, I picked up the game by its front legs, pulled it back, and leaped on the glass, breaking it. I was actually banned from the tournament for that body slam.
Looking back, I’m ashamed of myself for doing that. I should not have flipped the f*ck out when that happened. Share similar stories and comments below!Added 14 months ago:
Update: Due to extreme negative reactions, I have issued an apology and a true version of the story.
I’m gonna drink bleach now.