I feel like I need a frontal labotomy or a bottle in front of me.
(Topic ID: 57408)
Cypress, TX
Essex, ON
Quoted from mickthepin:Can you guys dig up any good baseball quotes or NFL (gridiron to Aussies). Bet there is some great ones.
NO ONE is better than Yogi Berra....here are some of his:
"This is like deja vu all over again."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.
"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"
"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."
"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."
"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."
"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."
"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."
"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.
Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."
"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.
"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."
"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."
"I made a wrong mistake."
"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.
"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
"Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."
"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."
"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."
"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."
"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"
"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."
"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
"I didn't really say everything I said."
A frog calls the Psychic Hotline and says, "Hey, lady. I'm a really
handsome frog. What's in my future?"
His personal psychic advisor says, "You're going to meet a
beautiful young girl who'll want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "That's great. That's really really great. So
where will I meet her? At a party? In a park?"
The psychic says, "No. In Biology Class." 
Quoted from spfxted:A frog calls the Psychic Hotline and says, "Hey, lady. I'm a really
handsome frog. What's in my future?"
His personal psychic advisor says, "You're going to meet a
beautiful young girl who'll want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "That's great. That's really really great. So
where will I meet her? At a party? In a park?"
The psychic says, "No. In Biology Class."
That was WAY more than one line! 
Mae West had lots of good ones:
A hard man is good to find.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
When I'm good, I'm very good... but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
He who hesitates is a damn fool.
Adelaide
Quoted from gambit3113:Just stop. Horrible. All of you.
The world doesn't need another angry black man.
Rodney break.........
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
...Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Finley, his wife and Jerry are having dinner at Finley's home.
Finley's wife says to Jerry, "How many potatoes would you like?"
Jerry says, "Just one, please."
His wife says "Just one? Are you sure? There's no need to be polite."
Jerry says, "Oh, okay. Yeah, just one, you dopey bitch."
'My brain: It`s my second favorite organ.'
'When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
'I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
'Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.'
Ok now whose are these?
Quoted from Skypilot:You win Ted,I surrender
I think we BOTH need a break....phew! 
She is so hot I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie.
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