Writing a a fair review for Raven is incredibly difficult.
It’s taken over a year to do it.
I don’t like saying anything bad about any pinball machine but I have to be honest and admit that this one is not good.
If I happen to own this machine presently, or have owned it in the past, I would never add that information to my Pinside collection or admit to it on my profile. Even if I got Raven for free.
Because it’s that embarrassing.
Let’s get way off track.
On my local Craigslist, someone was trying to sell a copy of Raven for $2,800!
I know what some of you are thinking, I laughed as well.
The ad is proud to repeatedly tell you that everything is “in tact” (as opposed to “out tacked”?) and that the LED bulb upgrade makes it worth much more. (HA!) They insist their Raven is perfect, even though it’s in about average condition and…
…let’s be honest, you can’t even feel sorry for people like this.
It’s awful that I enjoy watching as they repost it with the price slightly reduced every couple weeks because nobody is interested.
What was the reason behind that story? It’s like watching a train wreck, you know you should look away but you can’t.
Unfortunately, that’s also how I feel about Raven in general.
Raven should be the eternal bargain basement machine. Mostly as a warning to others that you get what you pay for.
The current Pinside average price, ($1,500 as of this writing in 2023), is insane, and I can only blame speculators and collectibles investors for that ridiculous amount.
They really enjoyed ruining the pinball hobby didn’t they!
On the bright side, I’ve seen copies of Raven given away in buy one get one free deals, or sold for under $500 in the recent past. That’s a much more accurate fair market value that isn’t reflected here on Pinside.
It would be something if Raven was so bad that it’s good, but it’s so bad that it’s depressing, and even free might be too expensive if it needs serious repair work, like if it has a bad MPU or needs replacement displays.
Gottlieb Premier made a few good playing pinball machines during this time, but all of them have the terrible photo backbox art and theming package that make them look disturbing, and not in a good way.
Watch while I attempt to search for the right way to frame this.
Wait! I got it!
Have you ever seen those direct to video releases of low budget films that are intended to trick people into buying them because they have a similar title and box art to the real blockbuster movie? Or worse, the pornographic knock off version of a real film?
Gottlieb Premier proudly did that to pinball.
And that’s how all their games looked during this period. From Bad Girls to Genesis to Gold Wings to Rock, and everything in between. They look like the box art of a sad low budget 1980s porn knock off film, released on betamax.
That’s the main problem with Raven. She’s a gender swapped Rambo, which is something that…
I did already mention low budget 1980s porn, right?
Should I also point out that there’s a gender swapped Rambo knock off adult film that Raven looks like it’s more closely based on?
I’ll let it go.
Theming and initial visual impressions either draw in a player or push them away.
Raven does both by being so awful that it draws in the curious, to see if it gets worse.
And it does.
Camouflage can look good on anything, if it’s done right, but Raven’s poor excuse of cabinet camouflage, with its large puke colored blobs are…
I just ran out of adjectives and my head hurts.
The first time I saw Raven, I seriously thought someone sabotaged it with their very first amateur custom paint job.
Nope! That’s official factory sabotage!
Then there’s the playfield art.
It seems they hired that one guy that was told repeatedly in high school to give up drawing and consider being a third shift gas station attendant, where he won’t be able to harm himself or others. Believing he was a good artist, he didn’t listen, and Gottlieb hired him because a recently fired third shift gas station attendant is much cheaper than hiring someone who has any artistic talent.
The bottom line is, when new, drawing in paying customers was the most important factor to the profitability and success of a game, and Raven fails at that completely.
In the pinball collector hobby, a terrible artwork package can be overlooked, or even admired for its awfulness, if the gameplay is all there.
Unfortunately that’s Raven’s other major fault.
All the pieces are there, but just not in the right places.
It’s almost as if all the playfield items that could be included in this game were dropped on a board and the designer began screwing them down where they fell until he ran out of room.
Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but there’s no flow. Very few shots are thrilling or make any sense, and the ones that do are lackluster or don’t do anything special, and you come away from your first game thinking, “Wow, that was disappointing.”
In an arcade in its era, that’s where it would end. A single quarter muncher. There are better things to play, so you regret dropping in a quarter and move along.
Today, freeplay is a thing, and so I tried playing it again and again and again, and it never gets any better.
It’s the Star Wars Episode One of pinball. I kept trying to convince myself that it’s good, that it has some redeeming quality , and I was left wondering what I could say that was positive.
I just came up with something! The lighting is good and it didn’t need any major repairs during gameplay. That’s positive!
As I said at the beginning, it’s taken over a year to write this and my opinion hasn’t changed or mellowed in time. Maybe a little, but not significantly, and I’m still trying to find something positive to say.
It’s very difficult to do because pinball is a hefty investment of repair and maintenance time, and requires large sums money, it’s not something you can laugh off like a buying a cheap bad video game or watching a bad movie.
Raven is my lowest score ever and it bothers me that it is, but at the same time, it’s not unplayable or the worst thing ever, just terribly unappealing or inspiring.
I stand by my opinion that there are are no bad (official mass produced) pinball machines, just less exciting or uninteresting ones.
In a hobby as expensive as pinball is now, Raven is the equivalent of paying Starbucks prices for gas station coffee. You just don’t do it unless you’re incredibly stupid or desperate.
But if someone gives you one for free, be sure to say thank you and then cover it in a plain brown paper wrapper as you transport it.