(Topic ID: 311385)

"You Deserve A Fair Cash Offer!" Oh yeah? BULL-*******-SHIT

By goingincirclez

2 years ago


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  • 36 posts
  • 22 Pinsiders participating
  • Latest reply 2 years ago by vid1900
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#1 2 years ago

I normally roll my eyes at all the non-pinball threads here BUT since I don’t do any social media AND Pinside has this wonderful Off-Topic section, here goes because I gotta vent:

Is anyone and/or anywhere else bombarded with unsolicited texts, calls, and postcards trying to buy your property? Spin the wheel and choose your remix: “You deserve a fair offer! Cash now! Any condition, SOLD! We’re just humble local investors looking in your neighborhood! Etc etc etc…” holy crap I’m beyond sick of it. Just who the hell falls for this crap?

Now I gotta say for context up front, while I love Frankfort, KY, it is *hardly* a boom town. Idaho, Austin, NYC, Nashville… even Lexington or Louisville KY it is NOT. And yet!

Initially it was one postcard per month on our rental income home, from the same annoying company.... 18 months later it’s 3 or 4 cards per week, repeatedly from 7 or 8 (and counting) different “private investors” and happy-sappy-sounding corporations... and almost that many phone texts… now including for the house we live in.

At first we tried to politely “thanks but no” remove ourselves from the lists but as expected that went nowhere. Because of course these fuckers either don’t respect the request, or rebrand themselves, or some other new front starts up in the same racket. I have almost 2 dozen blocked phone numbers from unsolicited texts, and yet more come in every week. That they try to be clever and personalized just pisses me off more because it’s predatory psychology. I mean I'm a cynical bastard... I really feel sorry for those who are more naive, or in a rough patch.

Because what I find so distasteful is knowing all about how effed up the housing market is, and how difficult it was for would-be buyers and first-timers to think about buying a home even in “the before times”. To that end we scraped by, got lucky and blessed, and so after moving 6 yrs ago we decided to rent our first home out to eventually supplement our meager retirement pension (if it still exists by then). We’re not land barons or investors. We barely break even to pay off the mortgage from when we bought it; our rent charge is below market, which we feel is a service to our tenants whom we like and needed a break they wouldn’t have got anywhere else.

Now on the flipside: I’ve a feeling if took up one of those offer cards, I’d be lucky to get half the home’s actual value “in so-called fair cash wheee”, and then it would be flipped for twice its current value after some god-awful soul-sucking grayscale renovation, further contributing to the real estate effery normal people get fucked by the moment they become buyers. And as for “a cash offer for the single family house they can effing tell we live in”: WOWEE GEE that makes perfect sense! I’ll sell the home I live in for quick cash, and then go “where” with that half cash, exactly? These fuckers screwed up everywhere else!

So who keeps taking up these solicitations? I mean surely people do, otherwise these offers wouldn’t be so pervasive. But damn I sure wish they wouldn’t, because as competitive as these investors seem to be, the end result can’t be anything good. I mean you wanna bitch about Pinflation? Carflation? HAHAHAHA I hope I don’t have to buy another house ever. And if and when I ever sell you can be damn sure it won’t be to someone who just carpet bombs addresses with google earth and streetview photos…

/rant over
/whew

#3 2 years ago

OK that made me laugh, well played. It's got a ColorDMD and no fade and recently shopped NO LEG KICKERS I KNOW WHAT I HAVE

#4 2 years ago

This describes my feelings towards reverse mortgages and the home shopping network.

#5 2 years ago

About once a month I get a this text from a random number
Funny thing is that I haven’t lived in that house for almost 3 years

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#6 2 years ago
Quoted from goingincirclez:

Initially it was one postcard per month on our rental income home, from the same annoying company.... 18 months later it’s 3 or 4 cards per week

At first we tried to politely “thanks but no” remove ourselves from the lists but as expected that went nowhere.

Never do this. In the course of trying to be 'polite' you have confirmed that you got that offer and actually read it (ie may be interested). That immediately moves you to the top of the 'prospective suckers' list and now subject to their increased efforts. Better to just ignore and toss them with the rest of your junk mail.

#7 2 years ago

Most of those people are just tire kicking vultures who would never offer anything remotely close to market value. I've gotten postcards, calls, and texts over the years, but certainly not anywhere near the volume that you seem to be receiving.

Just treat them the same way you would those "you car warranty has expired" scams. Don't respond, and don't give them a clue that there's a real person reading their spam.

#8 2 years ago
Quoted from PappaDubz:

About once a month I get a this text from a random number

Yeah, I get those in various flavors. Worst/Funniest is when they come to me, but address my wife since she had the AT&T account when I canceled my Sprint service and moved my number there. That's an insta-block.

Quoted from boscokid:

In the course of trying to be 'polite' you have confirmed that you got that offer and actually read it (ie may be interested). That immediately moves you to the top of the 'prospective suckers' list

To clarify, we only did this to the first list, back when it seemed all "random/WTF is this about?" and not part of a larger scheme. I think that person actually did reply initially, and maybe did eventually quit? Of course others soon started and yeah, from them and now I don't even bother. Your advice holds true as a matter of best practice course, and I'd been following that for years otherwise.

Quoted from ForceFlow:

Most of those people are just tire kicking vultures who would never offer anything remotely close to market value. I've gotten postcards, calls, and texts over the years, but certainly not anywhere near the volume that you seem to be receiving.
Just treat them the same way you would those "you car warranty has expired" scams. Don't respond, and don't give them a clue that there's a real person reading their spam.

QFT!

#9 2 years ago

Get this shit all the time on my rental. Scum sucking ballhuggers can lick my whole ass. And when they call, that's EXACTLY what I tell em.

#10 2 years ago

I used to get 2-3 scam calls a day from my business advertising. Car warranty? I hit "yes connect me to a representive". Then when they come on the line I use a air horn pointed right into the phone and blast it for 5 seconds and hang up. I bet their ear buds blew out. The calls have stopped.

#11 2 years ago

I know these are most likely bots, but someone has to be reading the responses. I quite enjoy responding to them.

#12 2 years ago

haha I never pick up my phone if I don’t know the caller and even then I usually don’t.

95% of calls are labeled “Scam” by my phone and I don’t even listen to voice mail but instead read the automatic transcript. It’s all “last courtesy call extended car warranty” and “I want to buy your house” BS.

#13 2 years ago

Here’s a few more classics.

#14 2 years ago

Glen really took that in stride.

#15 2 years ago
Quoted from Gryszzz:

Scum sucking ballhuggers can lick my whole ass.

This is a brilliant response to unsolicited offers!
I love your word choice. Not only do you tell them to lick your ass, but you add the word whole in there for extra emphasis.
You sir have a gift for getting your point across.

#16 2 years ago

I do often sincerely wish I had Gryszzz's chutzpuh for colorful putdowns

#17 2 years ago
Quoted from Vandy89:

This is a brilliant response to unsolicited offers!
I love your word choice. Not only do you tell them to lick your ass, but you add the word whole in there for extra emphasis.
You sir have a gift for getting your point across.

The extra emphasis is impressive, but I'm a bit dismayed by the term "ballhugger". It suggests a bit of affection. Maybe more than a bit.

#18 2 years ago

I usually reply "Not interested. But send tits"

#19 2 years ago

I always just send a dic pic.

Somebody's job is to look at the responses, and if they are from certain call-center countries, they will feel quite inadequate

[image removed]

#20 2 years ago
Quoted from vid1900:

I always just send a dick pic.
Somebody's job is to look at the responses, and if they are from certain call-center countries, they will feel quite inadequate

I found the one black guy meme dick pic works well.

#21 2 years ago

This guy

#22 2 years ago
Quoted from unclerudy:

This guy
[quoted image]

He makes great coffee

If you don't know the story:

https://boingboing.net/2022/02/09/pizza-place-accidentally-ran-magazine-ad-featuring-naked-man-in-latte-art.html

[image removed]

#24 2 years ago

I am just glad I am not the only one to recognize the "soul sucking grayscale renovations" going on

#25 2 years ago
Quoted from Vandy89:

This is a brilliant response to unsolicited offers!
I love your word choice. Not only do you tell them to lick your ass, but you add the word whole in there for extra emphasis.
You sir have a gift for getting your point across.

I'm picking up on your sarcasm.
And I like it.

#26 2 years ago

The sad part is, SOMEBODY is selling those people homes and they're making a killing.

Maybe it's a divorcing couple that hate either other and want to get rid of a house NOW, or someone who's parents have died and want nothing to do with it, all kinds of reasons someone might not want to deal with selling a house the conventional way.

#27 2 years ago

They have been pestering my business lately. I seem to shut them up quickly with a reply of "I am not interested in anything but you bringing me a check for $3.5 million and you have a deal". They seem to go away after that.

#28 2 years ago

My father in law owns a few rental properties and always entertains them and says 2 million when they ask how much. Conversation doesn’t go much further then that.

#29 2 years ago

Like anything you have to do your research on the property before accepting an offer from one of these places.
My aunt sold a property to one of them near Chicago.
After closing costs and fees they made $5k for a couple weeks of work cleaning it out, buying it as-is, updating things, etc.

#30 2 years ago
Quoted from Vandy89:

This is a brilliant response to unsolicited offers!
I love your word choice. Not only do you tell them to lick your ass, but you add the word whole in there for extra emphasis.
You sir have a gift for getting your point across.

Lick my ass has historical precedent.

https://militaryhistorynow.com/2015/07/06/the-iron-hand-meet-the-middle-ages-toughest-knight/

FEW OUTSIDE OF Germany have probably ever heard of Götz von Berlichingen, the colourful 16th Century knight, mercenary and outlaw. But at some point in your life, you’ve probably uttered the famous phrase he coined: Mich am arsche lecken or “kiss my ass.”

According to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe who penned highly acclaimed play about the hard-fighting Teutonic warrior, von Berlichingen supposedly uttered the now-ubiquitous rejoinder in response to a surrender ultimatum during a siege at Jagsthausen Castle.

In fact to this day, the expression is known in Germany as the “Swabian salute.”

#31 2 years ago
Quoted from unclerudy:

I usually reply "Not interested. But send tits"

But are they fair cash tits?

#32 2 years ago
Quoted from goingincirclez:

I normally roll my eyes at all the non-pinball threads here BUT since I don’t do any social media AND Pinside has this wonderful Off-Topic section, here goes because I gotta vent:
Is anyone and/or anywhere else bombarded with unsolicited texts, calls, and postcards trying to buy your property? Spin the wheel and choose your remix: “You deserve a fair offer! Cash now! Any condition, SOLD! We’re just humble local investors looking in your neighborhood! Etc etc etc…” holy crap I’m beyond sick of it. Just who the hell falls for this crap?
Now I gotta say for context up front, while I love Frankfort, KY, it is *hardly* a boom town. Idaho, Austin, NYC, Nashville… even Lexington or Louisville KY it is NOT. And yet!
Initially it was one postcard per month on our rental income home, from the same annoying company.... 18 months later it’s 3 or 4 cards per week, repeatedly from 7 or 8 (and counting) different “private investors” and happy-sappy-sounding corporations... and almost that many phone texts… now including for the house we live in.
At first we tried to politely “thanks but no” remove ourselves from the lists but as expected that went nowhere. Because of course these fuckers either don’t respect the request, or rebrand themselves, or some other new front starts up in the same racket. I have almost 2 dozen blocked phone numbers from unsolicited texts, and yet more come in every week. That they try to be clever and personalized just pisses me off more because it’s predatory psychology. I mean I'm a cynical bastard... I really feel sorry for those who are more naive, or in a rough patch.
Because what I find so distasteful is knowing all about how effed up the housing market is, and how difficult it was for would-be buyers and first-timers to think about buying a home even in “the before times”. To that end we scraped by, got lucky and blessed, and so after moving 6 yrs ago we decided to rent our first home out to eventually supplement our meager retirement pension (if it still exists by then). We’re not land barons or investors. We barely break even to pay off the mortgage from when we bought it; our rent charge is below market, which we feel is a service to our tenants whom we like and needed a break they wouldn’t have got anywhere else.
Now on the flipside: I’ve a feeling if took up one of those offer cards, I’d be lucky to get half the home’s actual value “in so-called fair cash wheee”, and then it would be flipped for twice its current value after some god-awful soul-sucking grayscale renovation, further contributing to the real estate effery normal people get fucked by the moment they become buyers. And as for “a cash offer for the single family house they can effing tell we live in”: WOWEE GEE that makes perfect sense! I’ll sell the home I live in for quick cash, and then go “where” with that half cash, exactly? These fuckers screwed up everywhere else!
So who keeps taking up these solicitations? I mean surely people do, otherwise these offers wouldn’t be so pervasive. But damn I sure wish they wouldn’t, because as competitive as these investors seem to be, the end result can’t be anything good. I mean you wanna bitch about Pinflation? Carflation? HAHAHAHA I hope I don’t have to buy another house ever. And if and when I ever sell you can be damn sure it won’t be to someone who just carpet bombs addresses with google earth and streetview photos…
/rant over
/whew

What you're describing is basically these guys and their "business"

#33 2 years ago
Quoted from pinstyle:

I am just glad I am not the only one to recognize the "soul sucking grayscale renovations" going on

House a few doors down was sold a few years ago, well undermarket because of basement/foundation wall damage. Otherwise a typical midcentury red-brick ranch with the typical quirks. And it was the *smallest* in the neighborhood by nearly 1000 sqft.

The company that bought it completely gutted the interior, fixed the foundation, redid the kitchen/bath etc. And then proceeded to drench the whole damn home with institutional gray, the finest soviet sky Sherwyn-Williams could fake, both inside AND out. It literally looks like a B&W rendering glitch in the middle of the neighborhood. WTF? It then was promptly put up for resale at over *4.5 times* the original (pre-renovation) price: twice what it should have been worth, and over $50K more than houses in roughly-equivalent shape WITH 1000sqft more finished space. $100K more than we paid for ours which was almost twice the size WITH a side lot. Unbelieveable.... and yet it sold! And then things went just effing stupid.

Same thing happened with my grampa's classic Chicago bungalow rife with charm of its 1920's construction and multi-generational family living. Sold by the estate, then relisted 2 months later for twice the price, looking like a B&W tuberculosis ward.

I hate when people tell me they bought a house because "they loved its charm and character" only to rip the charm and character out. Oh, so you secretly wanted to live in a suburban matchstick hotel? Congratulations! I'm glad your inspiration comes from cable TV.

#34 2 years ago

Same thing going on here, the housing market is crazy as most already know. My wife's mother is looking for a house in Florida. House are going for 20-30 thousand over asking and buyers are paying cash. So obviously this is a money game amongst the wealthy, a game of musical chairs with houses. I told my wife to pick any one of the houses her mother was looking at that sold. Look at the sales history and you will find that no one has even been living in these houses. She says "shit you're right, this house sold three times in the last four years"? So.....it is what it is but a real shitty time for a young couple looking for their first home.

On the topic of color. I once read an article that claimed the colors we choose are a direct reflection of how we feel (whether or not you realize it). There may be some truth to that. When I look around in society there is very little color. Black cars, red cars, white cars, gray cars, very little color if any. Same with clothing, back, brown, dark green white coats.....very little color in what people choose to wear. Look into a crowd of people, what colors do you see?

#35 2 years ago
Quoted from Gryszzz:

I'm picking up on your sarcasm.
And I like it.

I was truly trying to be complementary.
No sarcasm implied.
I just find telling someone to lick my Whole ass a lot funnier than just lick my ass. I don't know why, but I do. I had hoped after I turned 50 my maturity level would improve, but I guess that's never going to happen.

#36 2 years ago
Quoted from Vandy89:

lick my Whole ass a lot funnier than just lick my ass.

That joke has been funny for 100s of years

Mozart - "Leck Mich Im Arsch" - Canon in B flat for 6 Voices

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