Quoted from dirkdiggler:I fukd her low
I fukd her high
I fukd her wet
I fukd her dry
But when she's dead and long forgotten
I'll dig her up and fuk her rotten
WTF. The topic asked for your "best."
This is really stupid.
(Topic ID: 175061)
You're currently viewing posts by Pinsider rts.
Click here to go back to viewing the entire thread.
9 months later
I prefer this one:
A man comes home one day full of excitement, saying to his wife, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just pack your bags and get out!"
7 months later
Quoted from jasonp:A plane has five passengers on board: Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Hillary Clinton, and a ten year old school girl. The plane is about to crash and there is only four parachutes.
Dr Fauci, said “I need one, I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He straps on a parachute and jumps.
The pope said “I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps.
Hillary said ‘‘I need one, I’m the smartest woman in the United States.” she takes one and jumps.
President Trump pauses for a moment and then turns to the 10-year-old. After a deep sigh, he says tenderly, "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only starting". The child replies, "Don’t worry, there are two parachutes left. The smartest woman in the United States took my school backpack.
That's funny to think Trump would ever give the last parachute to anyone but himself. Good one.
Quoted from Lounge:Here we go...
Great job turning a joke thread into a political fuckfest.
Poke fun at Clinton = joke thread
Poke fun at Trump = fuckfest
Quoted from Lounge:You’re free to tell a Trump joke.... it’s a JOKE thread.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Quoted from PeeCee68:So a group of bank robbers successfully robbed a bank, but didn’t have the time count their money right away. The leader told the gang to wait for the nightly news, as the news will definitely reveal the amount.
Later that night, the news came out about the robbery. To the gangs’ surprise, the amount reported was at least 5 times more than what they robbed!
How is this possible?
You are welcome to guess!
(This is a Chinese humor, btw.....)
If the bank reported a robbery where nothing was actually taken, this could explain the math. 5x0=0.
1 week later
Quoted from oldskool1969:good grief mate, breathe!
It's a funny joke and I laughed. Actually one of the funnier ones.
But it's not funny because you make him Jewish. It's funny because the woman was cleverly fooled into letting a stranger fondle her breasts.
Adding the cheap jew angle was only necessary if you felt it was funnier to be anti semitic.
It was just as funny without it. It didn't improve it.
2 months later
Quoted from jeffspinballpalace:Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?
I've heard a similar one:
Sometimes I use words that I don't understand so I sound more photosynthesis.
3 weeks later
Quoted from jeffspinballpalace:One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!
I thought that was just the way you rolled.
7 months later
Quoted from Coindork:Q: Do you know why Elvis can’t drive a car?
A: Because he’s dead.
Do you know why Stevie Wonder can't see his friends?
Because he's married.
3 months later
Quoted from jeffspinballpalace:A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island...
...and spends many months alone. Just as he's reaching the point that he's starting to go crazy, he spots a ship in the distance and, all excited, lights a fire on the beach that he'd prepared for just such an eventuality.
He's overjoyed when he sees the ship change course and start heading for his island but his joy turns to shock as he sees the ship suddenly come to a jarring halt as it runs aground on a hidden reef. Within minutes, the ship is sinking and with it, his hopes. Dejected, he goes back to his makeshift shelter and cries himself to sleep.
The next day, he's going for his customary morning walk along the beach and spots a figure lying face down in the sand. He rushes over and sees that it's a woman wearing only her underwear.
He turns her over and can't believe what he sees... it's Jennifer Lawrence! In shock, he drags her out of the surf and begins to administer mouth to mouth. Soon enough, she splutters out a lungful of seawater and opens her eyes.
He tells her that he has rescued her and that there seem to be no other survivors. She is of course, extremely grateful to have been rescued and shows her thanks in the most appropriate way by reaching up to pull him down to her and kisses him long and deeply...
The kisses continue and before he knows it, she's stripped off his clothes and is straddling him on the beach as they happily bang away.
Her gratitude shows no signs of abating over the days and weeks that follow and his solitary island existence is forgotten in a carnal extravaganza of day long poundings and late night strokings.
They do it on the beach, in the water, in his shelter, up a tree, with him on top, with her on top, side to side and back to front. They do it with their clothes on, they do it naked, they do it whenever and wherever they want and they want it a lot.
One evening, they're sitting by the fire, well sated by the day's ardent bonking, when she notices that he seems a bit glum.
"What's the matter?" She asks.
"Oh... nothing." he says in return.
"Come on," she replies, "I can see something's wrong.. what is it??"
"You'll just laugh at me," he says nervously.
"No I won't! You can tell me... whatever it is, I promise I won't laugh"
He considers for a moment and then says "Well... you know.. we've been making love for a long time now. We've done it with you on top, with me on top, from behind, missionary, reverse cowgirl, up a tree.. you know.. every possible way I can think of but... something's missing... I mean... I...." his voice trails off....
"What is it?" She encourages him, "I'll do anything for you, anything at all, you know that! You saved my life!"
"Well.." he says nervously, picking up an old ember of burnt wood, "Would you... would you mind if I drew a moustache on you?"
"What??" she begins to say and he quickly says "See! I knew you'd laugh!"
"No no.." She replies, "It's fine.. if that's what you want to do, go for it!"
So he reaches over and with the burnt wood, carefully draws a thick black moustache on her upper lip, then sits back and looks at her.
She looks back at him expectantly.
"Um.." He says... "Would you mind if er.. if I called you Frank?"
She smiles at him and says "Baby, you can call me anything you like."
He sits there for a moment then says "Frank...?"
She smiles and answers "Yes baby?"
"Frank!" He says.. "Frank! You'll never guess who I've been fucking!"
So not worth all the build-up.
1 month later
A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.
“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.
“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does”.
That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to test her hearing”.
He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks;
“What’s for dinner honey?”
No answer. He moves closer.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Still no answer. He moves even closer.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is standing right next to his wife.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
“FOR THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN”
2 months later
Initially the spread of Covid was droplets from the nose and mouth.
Studies now indicate the continued spread is from assholes.
3 weeks later
Quoted from marioparty34:Did you know that 6 out of 7 dwarfs for Snow White were not Happy?
Good joke, but a better set up might be:
Living with Snow White caused severe depression among the Dwarves. 6 out of 7 were not ....
Quoted from oldskool1969:To the people who were offended by my joke,
get a real life, find some humour, go outside to breath, stop reading joke threads, get off you moral high horse, words can not hurt you, learn to turn the other cheek, have a beer with an Aussie, ask yourself was it worth reporting to feel good, understand that others may find it funny, try to be tolerant and most of all
GROW UP, you are looking at a joke thread.
[quoted image]
I have never reported any post to a moderator for offensive content.
However, I have been down voted, and I've down voted others and I've also been moderated. It's no big deal to me either way.
But take your own advice and grow up rather than publicly whine about how upset you feel about being moderated.
Quoted from oldskool1969:It is grown up to show the cancel culture that exists today.
I had to speak up for the few who don't.
Sorry Gilligan, it is whining to complain to everyone in this thread about being moderated.
This is Pinside. They have moderators.
5 months later
1 month later
Quoted from HisboyElroy:A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The Rabbit says, "I think I might be a Type-O"
What? You didn't read through this thread before posting? Post #508.
Quoted from Dee-Bow:A man comes home one day full of excitement, saying to his wife, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just pack your bags and get out!"
This thread is repeating itself.
Post #384 from two years ago:
1 month later
Plastic surgery used to be considered taboo. Times have changed.
Now you can talk about Botox and it won't even raise an eyebrow.
2 weeks later
My doctor said daily exercise leads to a long life, but the biggest predictor is how old your parents lived.
So I gave my treadmill to my parents.
8 months later
Quoted from Apinjunkie:I normally don't just repost stuff I've seen online but this made me laugh out loud.
[quoted image]
Very similar to an old South Park episode...
1 month later
4 weeks later
Quoted from Atari_Daze:More of an audio thing...
The alarm signal at the end was an unexpected clever touch.
8 months later
Promoted items from Pinside Marketplace and Pinside Shops!
Macomb, MI
Coffs Harbour, NS
You're currently viewing posts by Pinsider rts.
Click here to go back to viewing the entire thread.
Reply
Wanna join the discussion? Please sign in to reply to this topic.
Hey there! Welcome to Pinside!
Donate to PinsideGreat to see you're enjoying Pinside! Did you know Pinside is able to run without any 3rd-party banners or ads, thanks to the support from our visitors? Please consider a donation to Pinside and get anext to your username to show for it! Or better yet, subscribe to Pinside+!
