I walked into the butchers the other day and they offered a special on
8 legs of Venison for $20.00!
Is this two deer?

Christmas cracker jokes no doubt

do you speak Aussie?

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What rhymes with orange?

No it doesn't.

AMAZING
I hear the swimming pools on the Titanic are still full!

Odds are that Yoko Ono will win the next season of SURVIVOR

reason being she has spent years living off of dead Beatles.

I have been sexually active since 9

My wrist is now very sore as it is 9.45

sometimes you need visuals

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A Teacher's story about stuttering

A Teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th Grade Students.

"Human beings are the only Animals that stutter,' she says

A little Girl raises her Hand. 'I had a Kitty-Cat who stuttered.'

The Teacher, knowing how precious some of these Stories could become, asked the Girl to describe the incident

"Well," she began, 'I was in the back Yard with my Kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the Fence into our Yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the Teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little Girl.

'My Kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but before she could say '@#ck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!

The Teacher had to leave the Room.

An Old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too much!"

good grief mate, breathe!

How many dead people does it take to change a light bulb?

More than 10 as my cellar is still dark!

They found a dead man in CHOP( CHAZ) or whatever it is called now with 47 bullet holes in his back.
Police stated it was the worst case of suicide they had seen.

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good on you, its a joke. get it?

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex:
"Tarzan not know sex!" He replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said. "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree!"
Horrified, she said. "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly!"
She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here!" She said. "You must put it in here!"
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right between her legs.
Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for air and screamed. "What did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for bees!"

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.
'God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.
'The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"

Happy New Year

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An Asian couple managed to conceive and she gave birth to a beautiful black baby.

They named it "Sum Ting Wong"

relevant at the moment?

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I want to die like my Grandpa, peacefully in his sleep

unlike the 31 passengers screaming in terror on his bus.

Two homosexuals were fighting in a bar.

They eventually took it outside to trade blows.

She sounds like a normal, well grounded youngen
The world needs more humour.

To the people who were offended by my joke,
get a real life, find some humour, go outside to breath, stop reading joke threads, get off you moral high horse, words can not hurt you, learn to turn the other cheek, have a beer with an Aussie, ask yourself was it worth reporting to feel good, understand that others may find it funny, try to be tolerant and most of all
GROW UP, you are looking at a joke thread.

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My moderation for a topical joke may be the last straw of participating in what is a Great forum which I enjoyed.
Its just happening way too much these days and people gotta learn to live, laugh and love.
Can anyone recommend a good joke forum?

It is grown up to show the cancel culture that exists today.
I had to speak up for the few who don't.

Whats the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Paul hit 100 before he died!

took a second but YEAH!

-

Whether
Conservative, Liberal
or
Labour , I think
you'll get
a kick out of
this!

A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime

Minister..

Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call

her the Government

We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you

the People.

The nanny, we will
consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother,
we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and
see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what

Dad has said.

Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying,

so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby
has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his

mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks

in the keyhole and sees his

father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father,

'Dad, I think I understand the

concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son,

tell me in your own words what

you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime

Minister is screwing the Working

Class while the
Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored

and
the Future is in deep shit.'

What do you call a Chinese camera man?

Phil Ming

Got banned from calling seniors bingo!

Apparently calling number 69
“a dinner for two with a hairy view“was inappropriate