I think my wife is messing around on me. I was working out of town and was missing her so I called her a said, "Honey, I was just thinking about the last time we made Love." And she said, "Who is this?"

My wife might be messing around on me, Every time I walk in the front door our Parrot says "Quick, Out the window"

I think my wife died, The sex has been the same but the dishes keep stacking up.

Marco is at a party chatting with a gal and asked her, "Why Cindy, Are those blue panties you are wearing?" She said, Why yes they are. How did you know? Marco replied, I'm sporting my shinny new Giorgio Brutini shoes and I can see the reflection up your dress. Marco, Cindy replied, Your so devilish. Marco starts a conversation with Michele and asked, Michele, Are you wearing any panties? She said, Why no I'm not! Thank god! Marco said, I thought I had a crack in my shinny new Giorgio Brutini shoes.

This guy is in Madrid for business and went to this place for dinner. He couldn’t understand the menu so he looked around and saw this plate with two big meet balls on it and ask the waiter that that looked good, I will that dish please. The waiter told him that that dish was the balls from today’s bull fight, and you must get here early for that dish. So, the next day he arrives early and orders the balls from today’s bull fight. When his order arrives, he notices that the balls are much smaller than last night’s balls and ask the waiter that last night dish was much bigger, what happened? The waiter said, “I’m sorry sir but sometime the bull wins”

I remember when I had women beaten on my door at 2, 3 in the morning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Trying to get out.

Mr Smith is ready to tee off and a cart boy rushes up to the 4 sum and said "Mr Smith, Your wife has been in a bad accident and is at the hospital, You need to get there right away!" My God! Mr Smith said. He looks at the 4 sum ahead and shouts," CAN I PLAY THROUGH?

Dad and I opened a whore house in Navada a few years back but we couldn't afford girls so the first year we ran it by hand.

BTW. I know my jokes are dumb.

I think my wife died, The sex has been the same but the dishes keep stacking up.

Humberto walks into the doctors office to talk about his biopsy results. He noticed a new, stunning receptionist at the counter. Wow! He thought, What a beauty! So, Down the hall talking with the doctor the doc says." Humberto, I have good news and bad news" Humberto says "What's the bad news" Doc says "Your cancer is everywhere" Humberto ask, "Well what could possibly be the good news?" Doc says. "Did you happen to noitce my new receptionist?" Humberto says,"Yes I did" Doc said," I'm doing that"

My wife came to me and said she wanted bigger breast and it will cost around 7 thousand, I said to just get toilet paper and rub it on your chest once a day. She asked "how can that make my breast bigger?" I said, "I don't know but look what it did to your ass!"

I remember the first time I had sex. boy, I was scared. well, it was dark, and I was alone.

John was running late to his meeting with his probation officer. He was told prier that if he was late again, he goes straight back to the big house. He is trying to find a parking spot but there all full. he looks up to the sky and says, "Lord, please find me a parking spot. I will stop drinking, stealing, doing drugs" just then a parking spot appears. John looks up and says "never mind Lord, I found one"

I asked my grandpa what's the quickest way to the lake. He said are you walking or driving. I said I'm driving. he said that's the quickest way.

On my farm I have a pig with a wooden leg. My neighbor came by and said, “Wow, I’d never seen a pig with a wooden leg before, what happen to it? I said, you know, that pig pulled me from that burning barn over there and another time he saved me from my rolling tractor. The neighbor said, well that doesn’t tell me why it has a wooden leg. I said, With a pig that valuable you don’t eat it all at once!

As I said before, Woman who but man in Dog house will soon find in Cat house.

On Friday, Mike, the executive from a small firm was told he had to get rid of one employee. Struggling between Diana and Jack, he told himself on Monday whomever hits the drinking fountain first will have to go. After a long weekend of drinking. partying and such. Diana stumbles and pushes the button on the fountain. Mike having to do his job walked up to Diana and said," I either have to lay you or Jack off. Diana said " You better jack off, I have a headache.