(Topic ID: 175061)

What's Your Best Joke, Pinball-Related or Otherwise?

By Dooskie

4 years ago


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  • Latest reply 21 hours ago by iamdrunker
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There are 1072 posts in this topic. You are on page 22 of 22.
#1051 42 days ago

What did Alexander The Great and Winnie The Pooh have in common ?

They both had the same middle name.

LTG : )

#1052 40 days ago

What did the horse say when he fell down?

Help! I've fallen and I can't Giddy-Up!

#1053 37 days ago

I childproofed my house
Somehow they still got in!

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried — I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

“Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour? Its butt.

When you walked into a bar and there was a lengthy line of individuals ready to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.

#1054 37 days ago

How many pinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5. 1 to change the lightbulb and 4 to say how much better the last one was.

#1055 37 days ago

My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.

I have a fish that can breakdance.
Just for 20 seconds though and only once.

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

A boy was determined to burn his home down. His dad watched in tears as the house burned. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.

#1056 36 days ago

What is an ambulance's favorite game console?
Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U.

---

I just threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday, and he looks great in a Tuxedo

---

A horse walks into a bar…
The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.

"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!' I hear that everywhere I go."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your life?"

The horse responds with, "Stable."

#1057 33 days ago

You know when geese fly south for the winter, one line of the V formation is always longer…do you know why? Because it has more geese in it.

#1058 33 days ago

Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen?
They develop hives.

----

Albert Einstein was a genius.
But his brother Frank was a monster.

-----

Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks when golfing?
Just in case they get a hole in one.

#1059 30 days ago

JohnnyPinball007 is in a bar one night having a drink. He spots a beautiful woman, about his age.

She comes over to him and they have a few drinks together. She asks him if he's ever had a sportsman's double. He said he didn't think so and asked what's that ?

She replied a threesome with mother, daughter, and you. He said no.

He's ecstatic. If the daughter is beautiful like her mother, this is his lucky day.

She told him that tonight is his lucky night. They have a couple more drinks and go to the ladies house. He's so excited he can hardly control himself.

Once inside the lady calls upstairs, "mother, are you up ?"

LTG : )

#1060 28 days ago

JohnnyPinball007 walks into a bar carrying a box.

The bar tender asks what's in the box ? JohnnyPinball007 says something you've never seen before. The bar tender has seen a lot so he tells JohnnyPinball007 if he hasn't seen anything like it before, he'd let him drink all night for free.

So JohnnyPinball007 opens the box and pulls out a small piano, and a small man. The small man starts playing the piano.

The bar tender says he's never seen anything like it, so starts giving JohnnyPinball007 drinks.

He asks JohnnyPinball007 where he got it. He pulls out a brass lamp. He said I found this lamp and rubbed it. A genie appeared and granted me one wish. And told me if anyone ever did me a kindness to pass the lamp along. So JohnnyPinball007 gave the lamp to the bar tender.

The bartender rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared and said he could have one wish. The bartender thought and all of a sudden there were ducks all over the bar quacking and crapping. Making a huge mess.

The bar tender told JohnnyPinball007 I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks. What the he** ? Johnny said, you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist ?

LTG : )

#1061 27 days ago

JohnnyPinball007 dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter greets him in and gives him a pink cloud to float around on and a harp.

After a week or so JohnnyPinball007 is getting pretty bored contemplating doing this for eternity.

So he peeks over the edge of his cloud and he can see all the way down into hell.

He sees LTG : ) sitting there with a gorgeous blonde woman on his lap and a keg of beer next to him.

JohnnyPinball007 is thinking WTF ? So he works his way over to St. Peter. JohnnyPinball007 tells him I tried to lead a good clean life on earth, and got my just rewards and was sent to heaven. I was given this pink cloud and harp. But looking down into hell, it seems LTG : ) got a better deal ?

St. Peter looks down into hell and turns to JohnnyPinball007 and says. That kegs got a hole in it and she don't.

LTG : )

10
#1062 22 days ago

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.

#1063 21 days ago

A pinball rolls into a Doctor's office and says: "Doctor, I'm depressed. I'm bald, fat and I get pushed around at work".

#1064 20 days ago

I saw these labels at a fast food restaurant next to the soda dispenser. It gave me a good laugh.

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#1065 20 days ago

All one joke ...

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#1066 20 days ago

COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

EYEDROPPER: A clumsy Ophthalmologist

HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
------------------------------

· I found out that I've been happier since the change from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explains that it's a vitamin C and natural sugars but I think it was really the vodka.
· Apparently, you can't use beef stew as a password. It's not stroganoff.
· If you don't think punctuation is important, try forgetting when you tell someone “I'm sorry, I love you.”
· All of these calling for Mother's Day to be changed to a “Special Persons” day, you already have a day of your own. It’s April 1.
· A Spanish musician told everyone he would disappear. He said Uno, Dos, then disappeared without a tres.
· Al Pacino's brother, Cap, is a very successful businessman who is famous for his coffee.
· Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking.
· Do you know the famous French general who stepped on a landmine? Napoleon Blown Apart.

#1067 20 days ago

What's the difference between a hooker, a lover, and a wife?

The hooker says "Faster! Faster!"

The lover says "Slower! Slower!"

The wife says "Beige, I think I'll paint the celling Beige!"

1 week later
#1068 10 days ago

Q: What has a 'bottom' at its top?

A: Legs

I don't know why but this one cracks me up everytime. (told to me by a 5 year old boy)

#1069 6 days ago

Veteran rock musicians Roger Daltrey, Keith Moon, Pete Townshend, and John Entwistle broke into an animal hospital today and set free all of the doberman pinschers. The police said that they now have proof that The Who let the dogs out.

#1070 4 days ago

Initially the spread of Covid was droplets from the nose and mouth.

Studies now indicate the continued spread is from assholes.

#1072 21 hours ago

Humberto walks into the doctors office to talk about his biopsy results. He noticed a new, stunning receptionist at the counter. Wow! He thought, What a beauty! So, Down the hall talking with the doctor the doc says." Humberto, I have good news and bad news" Humberto says "What's the bad news" Doc says "Your cancer is everywhere" Humberto ask, "Well what could possibly be the good news?" Doc says. "Did you happen to noitce my new receptionist?" Humberto says,"Yes I did" Doc said," I'm doing that"

There are 1072 posts in this topic. You are on page 22 of 22.

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