You don't have the balls to tell it?

Where do you find a pinball machine with no legs?

Right where you left it.

What does a man with no balls and a small penis
have in common with a joke with a good punchline?
They both make you laugh and you don't see them coming.


A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"?
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am?
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. There's no point coming in for that."


A marine hero gets back home and the president grants him one wish for his effort
The president said that he would fulfill any wish the hero marine asked for.
"I want 50$ for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls"- said the marine.
The president, a bit surprised, accepted.
They started measuring him and saw that he has no balls.
"Where are your balls?"- they asked.
"In Afghanistan."


What do you call a man with no balls?
Your mother

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."


eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters, but all they had was 13,239 matches.
I don’t know, I really like eBay. Sold my homing pigeons on there 5 times last month.


A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.
Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

.

Time to branch out with some tree jokes..


a man is chopping down and collecting trees to burn for heat one winter. He comes upon and stands before this one tree that shouts “Stop! Listen! ... i’m a talking tree”
the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says “and you will dialogue.”


81DCC59A-2CF8-4D00-9D46-2D2D117AE57D.jpeg

A man who was well known for coming up with clever tricks and positions in bed came up with an idea for a threesome. He would have both women lay on their backs next to each other, with himself in the missionary position above and centered between them. The idea was that as he pulled out with each stroke, he would switch from one girl to the other.

He found two women willing to try it out, but it didn't work. Eventually, they got up for a break and some drinks.

When they got back in bed, the girls had traded places. Now it all worked great and everyone had fun. It was the end of stroke switch, after all.

Proctor & Gamble (Crest Toothpaste) was informed that the toothpaste division had a problem.
They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside.
This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors.
Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO assembled his top people.
They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem.
The project followed the usual process:
budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected.
Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution -
on time, on budget, and high quality.
Everyone associated with the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale
that would sound a bell and flash lights
whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should.
The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box,
and then press another button to re-start the line.
As a result of the new package monitoring process,
no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent.
He then reviewed the line statistics report
and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale
in the first week was consistent with projections,
however, the next three weeks were zero!
The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes per 8-hour shift.
He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory,
viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed,
and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution
sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin.
He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied,
"Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over,
removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang."

Gamesuem

I wondered when that would show up.

Why does Snoop Doggy Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' Drizzle!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, “a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich.
"What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will Be $9.40 please”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.”
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress.
"Most people would ask for a Million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers.
"My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School .

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes by email .

Your momma is so fat when she pulls on her BVDs it spells out boulevard.

Your momma so fat she doesn't have a naval ring. She has a trailer hitch.

Your momma so fat. You family has to hire rodeo clowns to keep her busy when you try to bring groceries into the house.

LTG : )

Your momma is so fat Orion's Belt wouldn't fit her.

Your momma so fat if she sat in a hot tub she'd make her own gravy.

Your momma so fat if she fell out a window she'd go up.

LTG : )

Your mommas so fat if she had to haul ass it would take 3 trips.

John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded,
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"Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

LTG : )

What do fat girls and mopeds have in common?

They're a lot of fun to ride but you don't want to be seen on one.

Your momma is so fat her blood type is Ragu.

The year 2020

That's Funny..

A young Irish couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Two sausages were frying next to each other in a pan.
One looks at the other and says, "Geez! It sure is hot in here!"
The other looks back and says, "Holy S***!! A Talking Sausage!!"

LTG : )

I walked into the game room the other day and caught my kid chewing on the power cord on one of my pins. So, of course i had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

What a shocking discovery!

I'm not positive that is even true.

Ohm thinking that a spanking would have been better punishment, because it hertz. Watt was his resistance to being grounded?

What’s the difference between a cactus and a Camaro?
.....................

With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

Guy asks a hooker if she had ever been picked up by the fuzz.
She replied "No... but I have been swung around by my tits a coupla times".

Now that's funny!!

What has four letters. Sometimes nine letters. But never has five letters.

LTG : )

You are correct lloyd

Hint:
It's not a question.

Thank you.

LTG : )

The COVID meme isn’t accurate. Proportionally speaking, very few in the U.S. have it. But anyone could get it. The chance that you have it right now is quite a different thing than how easy it is for you to get it. Stay safe my friends.

good on you, its a joke. get it?

Holy shit a talking sausage!

ROFLMFAO

Telling yourself that this is absolutely the last game that you will ever bring home.

Telling your spouse this is absolutely the last one!

Been there. Done that!