I’m only pretending to bring a pinball machine. But really it’s sacks of cash printed in 1979, and I’m calling a stock broker. Then I’m grabbing a Leftover NIB Star Gazer, coming back to now, and having the biggest unboxing party in the history of the world. I’ll have the first game broadcast on ESPN, because I have a time machine! Finally I’ll go back and eliminate my parents before I was born, destroying the last vestiges of this timeline in the biggest paradox ever devised.

(Dude, don’t give me a time machine, just sayin)

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