(Topic ID: 236890)

What, if anything, to say to significant other...


By holminone

7 months ago



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  • Latest reply 7 months ago by underlord
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There are 84 posts in this topic. You are on page 2 of 2.
#51 7 months ago

This is 100% a communications issue between two people.

In an easy conversation open up with "Honey, is there a problem with my having pinball machines?" and follow up with "Here is why I am asking....(insert your reasons/example)". Then SHUT UP and listen carefully to her answers. She might not come out with direct answers but you should be able to piece the puzzle together.

After you get your answers you have to put the ball in her court by explaining to her that you enjoy sharing pinball with friends and is there any ideas that SHE might have that so you could make that happen.

*********
OK< saw you had the talk....and now you know!

#52 7 months ago
Quoted from Chuck_Sherman:

I once had a wife with sand in her Vag., Once

Not a wife, but a girlfriend. Bitch rode her broom naked......better grip.

#53 7 months ago
Quoted from vdojaq:

This is 100% a communications issue between two people.
In an easy conversation open up with "Honey, is there a problem with my having pinball machines?" and follow up with "Here is why I am asking....(insert your reasons/example)". Then SHUT UP and listen carefully to her answers. She might not come out with direct answers but you should be able to piece the puzzle together.
After you get your answers you have to put the ball in her court by explaining to her that you enjoy sharing pinball with friends and is there any ideas that SHE might have that so you could make that happen.
*********
OK&lt; saw you had the talk....and now you know!

This is great advice. A lot of these responses are assuming they know why she is acting like that. Don’t assume, just ask her. “Hey why did you do that? That seemed kinda mean” don’t accuse, dont put her on the defensive (btw this is hard).

Make a joke about it - “hey baby I was just trying to show them my PINBALLS!” she may open up more. She prob doesn’t know how to bring it up to you. And whatever she says - WHAT. EVER. She says, don’t get mad. Take it, say I gotta walk away for a minute, cool off, think about it, then come up with your response. I’m betting she’s wanting more of your time but doesn’t know how to get it. You should feel good about that man

#54 7 months ago
Quoted from vdojaq:

Not a wife, but a girlfriend. Bitch rode her broom naked......better grip.

i'd like to see that pic.

#55 7 months ago
Quoted from holminone:

Thanks for all the suggestions! Definitely not selling anything. I had a talk with her and it turns out she’s upset about three things. First is the space that is housing my pins does not jive with her vision for the space. She thought the STTNG looked cool. The DILE blew up her furniture plan. Second is the space is in disarray. It’s not unusual for her to see things like multimeters and such. Third is the cost but she understands my position of the DILE being somewhat liquid with little downside financial risk.
So my path forward is simple. Clean up and reorganize the space so the DILE gets the treatment it deserves so she doesn’t get anxiety. Clean up my shiite in general.
I do that and she’ll maintain an open mind and not throw stones.

Good deal. Talking is best. The awkward stage of “not talking and being upset” is the worst.

(When you clean the space, be sure make room for another pin. Forward thinking)

#56 7 months ago

She didn’t end up in the news recently for attacking a pinball machine, did she?

#57 7 months ago

For God's sake, dont trade it for a Beetles pin!

#58 7 months ago

I left my second wife over a dog and cat. (True Story)

#59 7 months ago
Quoted from holminone:

Thanks for all the suggestions! Definitely not selling anything. I had a talk with her and it turns out she’s upset about three things. First is the space that is housing my pins does not jive with her vision for the space. She thought the STTNG looked cool. The DILE blew up her furniture plan. Second is the space is in disarray. It’s not unusual for her to see things like multimeters and such. Third is the cost but she understands my position of the DILE being somewhat liquid with little downside financial risk.
So my path forward is simple. Clean up and reorganize the space so the DILE gets the treatment it deserves so she doesn’t get anxiety. Clean up my shiite in general.
I do that and she’ll maintain an open mind and not throw stones.

Sounds like she needs to "buy in" on the theme before you purchase. DI is a fine game but only appeals to hardcore pin heads. From an non pinhead perspective it looks like you spent 10K on a Bob the Builder toy for your living room.

#60 7 months ago

I don't golf with my wife or play pinball with my wife. It's just not for her. No big deal.
Let the wives hang out for a while by themselves. It's perfect.

#61 7 months ago

Maybe she just didn’t like the mom jeans

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#62 7 months ago

If that's your only issue in your marriage consider yourself lucky.

#63 7 months ago
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#64 7 months ago
Quoted from holminone:

Thanks for all the suggestions! Definitely not selling anything. I had a talk with her and it turns out she’s upset about three things. First is the space that is housing my pins does not jive with her vision for the space. She thought the STTNG looked cool. The DILE blew up her furniture plan. Second is the space is in disarray. It’s not unusual for her to see things like multimeters and such. Third is the cost but she understands my position of the DILE being somewhat liquid with little downside financial risk.
So my path forward is simple. Clean up and reorganize the space so the DILE gets the treatment it deserves so she doesn’t get anxiety. Clean up my shiite in general.
I do that and she’ll maintain an open mind and not throw stones.

So why couldn’t she just do this in the beginning instead of calling him out in front of friends. I know, it’s just like Bruce Hornsby says “That’s just the way it is”

#65 7 months ago
Quoted from NoMonkey:

It's truly this simple. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage; Not some passive-aggressive stunt.

No way, hide her car keys in some place she will never find.

#66 7 months ago

My wife didn’t care for the pins at first. That was in 2005. Now IJ is hers. She tells everyone it’s hers and gets upset when it’s down for repairs.

I took the time to share my hobby with her. Once she saw how much time I spent on them she could of either resented them all together or tried to understand. She chose the latter.

#67 7 months ago
Quoted from holminone:

Thanks for all the suggestions! Definitely not selling anything. I had a talk with her and it turns out she’s upset about three things. First is the space that is housing my pins does not jive with her vision for the space. She thought the STTNG looked cool. The DILE blew up her furniture plan. Second is the space is in disarray. It’s not unusual for her to see things like multimeters and such. Third is the cost but she understands my position of the DILE being somewhat liquid with little downside financial risk.
So my path forward is simple. Clean up and reorganize the space so the DILE gets the treatment it deserves so she doesn’t get anxiety. Clean up my shiite in general.
I do that and she’ll maintain an open mind and not throw stones.

So basically you are a F ing slob!

You gotta be a modern man these days. Have you heard of HGTV, they watch that channel 24/7 and you can't be F ing up the decorating vibe.

When friends come over if the place looks like shit its always perceived as a bad reflection on the wife!

So get your DI phone guy pants on and clean your shit up

#68 7 months ago

My wife had the same issues at our last house (just the look, not the money). New house has a dedicated mancave space that I can shut the door on. Problem solved and not a peep since.

#69 7 months ago
Quoted from Chuck_Sherman:

I once had a wife with sand in her Vag., Once

Quoted from vdojaq:

Not a wife, but a girlfriend. Bitch rode her broom naked......better grip.

Whoa ...

But did they like pinball?

#70 7 months ago
Quoted from eagle18:

So why couldn’t she just do this in the beginning instead of calling him out in front of friends. I know, it’s just like Bruce Hornsby says “That’s just the way it is”

She’s a ball buster.

#71 7 months ago
Quoted from Tuna_Delight:

Whoa ...
But did they like pinball?

Have no idea if she did. She did like hockey & football, but was 100% against anal.

#72 7 months ago

I can relate, however my wife never ridiculed me in front of my friends. Last year I got to go to Pinburgh and it was the best 3 days of my life. This year my wife and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and it occurs in July. She wants us to go somewhere to celebrate it and I do too. Pinburgh is the beginning of August. I had a long discussion about wanting to go to Pinburgh. She mainly said how can we afford it and that I already went so why do I need to go again? She is correct that we are limited on funds with our anniversary trip planned and my daughter going to college. But the timing would have worked for the most part.

Now I found out that my friends got their tickets today and I could have been the 3rd person to purchase a ticket (VIP on top of that), but I bit the bullet and did not plan to go so I didn’t bother hitting the refresh button to fulfill my chance. Now I am regretting it and feeling a little depressed that there is no chance that I can be at the tournament. I expressed my feelings to my wife and she immediately got upset and said, “Fine go! Don’t blame this on me.” When in reality I respected her and listened, but it was hard to do. If my friends didn’t get in to purchase their tickets I would feel a little better. But that didn’t happen.

Well, it is too late and now I have to accept the fact I am not going. So I have to deal with it and move on. My wife is letting me go to TPF and Golden State Pinball Festival, but I reached my quota.

Now what I am worrying about is I plan on going to Pinburgh next year and I already told her, but if I don’t get tickets I will be very upset! So it is what it is. Oh well, at least I got to experience it once. But once you experience Pinburgh you are hooked for life.

Obviously my wife is not into pinball and she does respect my hobby. But it sucks I can’t go every year. Have to pick my battles.

My wife is wonderful to me and she supports my happiness with pinball, but she doesn’t understand the competitive nature of wanting to do the best I can in Pinburgh and having to wait more than a year for another chance to go is going to kill me. If I get tickets for 2020 it will be a non-issue.

We’ll see what happens. For anybody else married I am sure you can relate. For anyone who got tickets to Pinburgh enjoy and congratulations! Best tournament on the face of the planet!

#73 7 months ago

I might have a slightly different perspective as a woman who enjoys pinball and shares the hobby with my husband. I think it is very important to be supportive of each other's interests and even to try a little bit to see if there is common ground to enjoy hobbies together. Reading the op's post, I think there is a bit of blame to go around. A successful marriage (and we're at 25 years) in my opinion, has no room for berating each other in front of other people. I do have to wonder, though, whether the husband ever consulted his wife about the purchase of DILE. While I own the game and think it is a very fun game, it doesn't have nearly as much appeal as other games for those who aren't deeply into pinball. It takes a lot of skill and can be frustrating for a newbie (compared to say WOZ). Now add that it's in the middle of their shared living space. I have to wonder if they had jointly picked a game or at least gave her some major input if she would have enjoyed showing off THEIR new purchase to their friends rather than venting her frustration.

#74 7 months ago

What ever you do. Don’t ever let her see this thread. Or she will be your ex-wife. Close it, lock it, drain it and delete it.
Then explain to your wife that Pinball is an fun hobby of yours and you take self satisfaction in sharing it with others. That you understand it’s something she doesn’t like but wish that she wouldn’t put it down in front of friends.

#75 7 months ago

Resentment is a relationship killer.

#76 7 months ago
Quoted from Pinball-Lady:

I might have a slightly different perspective as a woman who enjoys pinball and shares the hobby with my husband. I think it is very important to be supportive of each other's interests and even to try a little bit to see if there is common ground to enjoy hobbies together. Reading the op's post, I think there is a bit of blame to go around. A successful marriage (and we're at 25 years) in my opinion, has no room for berating each other in front of other people. I do have to wonder, though, whether the husband ever consulted his wife about the purchase of DILE. While I own the game and think it is a very fun game, it doesn't have nearly as much appeal as other games for those who aren't deeply into pinball. It takes a lot of skill and can be frustrating for a newbie (compared to say WOZ). Now add that it's in the middle of their shared living space. I have to wonder if they had jointly picked a game or at least gave her some major input if she would have enjoyed showing off THEIR new purchase to their friends rather than venting her frustration.

I agree that the friend thing was not good and should be addressed, and I also agree that there needs to be some self-awareness that buying 250 pound machines that cost from 5-10K does affect the other spouse. If all of the sudden my wife started to collect 5K antique sewing machines I wouldn't be super pleased to find a new one in the house (it was bad enough having four of them in the house when they were "gifts" from friends). It sounds like this whole thing could be a good chapter in your marriage in the end though as it's much better to get this stuff in the open than to have one spouse try to repress the resentment.

#77 7 months ago
Quoted from vdojaq:

Have no idea if she did. She did like hockey &amp; football, but was 100% against anal.

Well ... there you go - enough said. Life is short. Time to move on!

#78 7 months ago

I've had several ex's in the past that said mostly the same line of "Another Machine? How many do you need!?"

As many as I fucking want.

Still looking for the one that doesn't ask that question lol

#79 7 months ago

First, good job for being honest and talking with your wife.

My wife started pretty much neutral to pins, but I found one with a theme that told a story that she understood and liked.
For my wife Riverboat Gambler (gambling theme) was the gateway drug
Each shot is easy for her to understand, because it’s got a base story (gambling) that she enjoys.

A Few years later and we play Deadpool. Normally I wouldn’t be into buying new in box, but my wife turned to me and said “I think we should buy this one”
Jaw dropper for me. Needless to say bought it that day
Again easy to understand and it tells a great story that she was interested in.

Pinball ain’t for everyone, but I think a lot of folks who my have had a chance to like pinball got overloaded buy games to deep to grasp, or story’s and themes that did not jive with them.
Not saying your wife will like pins, but if you know her interstes and find a pin that’s matches, she just might sway to the pin-side

#80 7 months ago

I think only you will truly know how to deal with it. Seems her opinion is different than yours so maybe do it to something she likes in the same manner she has done to you. Maybe she will react differently and you can note that for a future discussion.

This is all difficult but in the end I always speak my mind, hope you can rectify the situation. Good luck.

#81 7 months ago
Quoted from holminone:

She only has two flaws, the one I describe here and she doesn’t like the Beatles.

I think you should buy a Beatles pinball machine

#82 7 months ago

My gf has zero interest in pinball and just leaves me to it. And i have zero interest in her silly horses! so it evens out

#83 7 months ago

Don’t bring it up and buy yourself. Beatles Diamond Pin.

#84 7 months ago
Quoted from PW79:

I think you should buy a Beatles pinball machine

As an anniversary gift. Then yell ‘WHAT?!’ At her shock and stomp out of the room.

Then prepare for the love.... aww yeah.

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