Hey everyone,
This is a bit of a long read, so if you're easily bored, move along. Nothing to see here. For those who want to know me on a bit of a personal level though, sit back and enjoy the story.
So, a couple months ago, I got a bit heated in a thread with fellow Pinsider, Who-Dey, and I was given some friendly advice to remember that it's only pinball. Who-Dey and I took things to PM, and we quickly amended everything between us. Heck, we still PM to at the time of this writing. I made a commitment that once things settled down in my life, I'd post on it to help explain why I've been a bit distant and somewhat of a debbie-downer/making overly critical posts up to October.
So, a year ago, I had a lot of things together. I had paid off my student loans, which I made a thread about almost a year ago today (https://pinside.com/pinball/forum/topic/student-loans-paid). I had a home built with my wife of 6.5 years, we both had great paying jobs, and everything was clicking. Then everything changed....
They say in life that 80% of it is not what you do but how you respond to situations that unfold around you. If so, boy, has life been interesting. So, as some know, I am active duty AF - done it 8.5 years, and I don't look to end until I'm 20 years and 1 month in (1 month to make sure they can't mess anything up and deny me my military pension, but I digress). I love serving, and there are so many hidden benefits, but there are also some very unfortunate stipulations you must accept - one of which being the inevitable move every 3-4 years as an officer. Well, I made it 5 years at Wright-Patterson in Dayton, OH, but my time ran out, and I was forced to move to Eglin AFB in the Florida Panhandle. Now, I am from Pensacola, so living only 1 hour from home would seem great, right? Well, one thing I learned is that when you join the military, it's a good idea to put home in your rear-view mirror and don't really look back until you retire. That being said, going home to the Panhandle was very bitter-sweet. I had really gotten comfortable in Dayton, and we had actually considered settling down for good there - hence - why we had a home built. Why build a home unless you PLAN to get out of the military? Well, we had a change of heart and decided to stay in, so we had to put the home up for sale and move to Florida.
Now, my wife had a fantastic job in Dayton in the private sector, and while she had accepted a contracting job at Eglin, we wanted to keep our finances solid with 2 homes (1 in Dayton for sale and the other in Florida). So, while we waited for her clearances to clear, we agreed she would stay in Dayton until they had come through. Without her clearances, she could not work, and we'd be paying for two homes with one incomes - not an ideal situation. So, we waited - after all - it was supposed to only be 1 month and she'd be good. Heh....one month...try six months.
Now, 6 months from your significant other can be very hard on a marriage. It is doubly hard when one of you wants an open marriage, and the other does not. As time went along, for whatever reason, she decided she wanted more than our marriage and requested we have an open marriage. As a military member with clearances, that is a very big "no". It is punishable through a certain code of military rules, and it can open a member up to coersion, which is very bad when you have clearances. I tried to explain these things to her, but ultimately, the marriage could not be saved. She wanted one thing, and I wanted another, and I had to accept that our 7 year ride was over.
This took me a solid 3-4 months to accept. She told me in May 2017, and I was not really ready to "let go and move on" until September 2017. She had emotionally punched out over a year ago, and it was just hitting me at once like a bag of bricks. I had to use every resource provided to me from counseling to seeing the chaplain to seeing the military family life counselor - it was not easy, and quite frankly, I am very blessed to still be here. My world was falling apart, and I couldn't seem to do anything about it.
It did not help that the house just would not sell. We had it listed, and it took 10 months and $160K in price drops before we finally got an offer. The offer was a short sale, which fell through two times. Two different realtor companies tried to sell the thing to absolutely no avail, and boy, let me tell you, THAT will stress you out on a level that I have never known. Doesn't help to watch $2000+ a month leave your bank to a home sitting in another state that no one will by or rent....just sucked so badly.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: I did all of the negotiating with the house and the divorce paperwork pretty much completely and totally by myself. I got no help at all - while working as active duty and on my masters in systems engineering at USC. All the help I got from her was "sign here and here"; she did NONE of the work at all on either of those two items, which are arguably two of the most stressful events anyone can ever go through.
So life sucked for quite a while. At one point, I was almost on suicide watch; it was that bad. Trust me when I say here: I am leaving out a lot of details and giving everyone here the abridged version. Thing though: no matter how bad things get, things do tend to eventually work themselves out.
Now, I'm not going to proselytize my faith/beliefs here: I think saying that alone hints at Who/What I want to give credit to for how things turned around in my life. My ex-wife and I divorced, and it was a VERY amicable breakup with no nastiness or virulent actions taken against one another. We separated our stuff, we had always kept our finances separate, and we applied for a simplified dissolution of marriage which went through without a hitch. We continued to pay equal halves of the mortgage in Dayton without incident, and we have worked together to wrap the house up.
The home is currently going through a deed-in-lieu, and I will soon be giving the deed to the house back to the lender and be absolved of all debt and deficiency. Legally, I need to stop there and say no more. I will be SO happy when that is over - that will be the last part of my "old life", and I'll be able to close the book on my past in Dayton.
I have been so insanely blessed to meet my new girl on Eglin AFB, and we click on nearly every single level there is. We share the same faith, same life goals, same ideas moving forward. We don't sweat the little things, we want to be happy together, we don't argue about trivial things, and we are always happy to see one another. I love helping her in everything to include raising her 5 year old son, and I never thought I'd see the day I wanted to be father and more importantly, a dad - but I really like him, and I know being with her is a package deal; I don't get to pick and choose - it's all or none. And I want it all.
I want it all so much, I decided to put a ring on her finger and call her mine last night.
Because sometimes you just know. You don't need to spend years together before making a plunge with someone you love. You just do it.
So, with the last week of 2017 here, I am going to pick up a gorgeous CFTBL from a fellow pinsider in Louisiana - my first new pin since 01 January 2017 - nearly an entire year. After all, it is super important to know you're financially situated before buying these toys, and patience has been a virtue I have learned about in spades this year. After this year, I have enough patience to open my own hospital (wait a minute...).
So why am I posting all of this? Why does it matter? Should you even care?
Well, I guess the bottom lines here is:
1. Be nice to people here. You never know the battles someone else is going through, and something like pinball may be the only thing stopping them from making a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
2. Don't judge others. I won't deny: some people make me go "WTF????", but what they do with their money or the life decisions they make are none of my business. We are all adults here, so it is probably best for us to not judge another and treat each other with respect.
3. Don't look down. Regret looks back, worry looks side to side. Keep the faith in whatever you believe in, and keep looking straight ahead/forward/up. Things do get better.
As for me, I'm glad to finally be getting my first new game in nearly 1 year to the exact day this Saturday. My future wife loves pinball, and I can't wait to wife her up and walk the road of life with her by my side. She is proof that "things are going to change now for the better". We will be at TPF 2018, and I hope to meet some of you there at my first time attending TPF. Here's to hoping 2018 is a great year for everyone!
Hagerstown, MD
Richmond Hill, ON
