Hurting a person is no joke. And just because some of us have more of a genetic disposition for it, it doesn't mean it's like eating ice cream. Most people when they are trash talking, have a look of fear, anger and adrenaline and when you shoot in, to take them to the ground, they start to realize they are no longer in control. By the time you mount their chest and deliver the first blow, their eyes fill up and tell a different story, they are now 100% fear. By the 6th blow, they cannot see because you broke their nose and they get dizzy due to the shots to the temple, which is dangerous as they no longer can block your blows. This is usually when they start to beg. Your heart is pounding out of control and you look up for a second, to see the spectators faces.....you should hear the girlfriends cry as you deliver blow after blow. They wish they could take back the entire situation, but it's too late, the ball is in motion. You are raging out of control and the consequences of your actions don't matter, you have taped into your primal being, you have stripped away all of society's conditioning.....You are just a lion, destroying it's pray. The first kid I ever beat up was in kindergarten, a kid was bullying another kid and despite the kid being bigger than me, I pushed him to the ground, sat on his chest and broke his nose with one punch. The blood splattered everywhere. None of the kids or teachers aids had ever seen blood like that.......I certainly hadn't'. I was so charged up that I swiped my finger across his face and licked the blood from my finger.......I was 5! I still remember how they all looked at me......like I was a monster. That very kid still looks at me like that to this day, 35 years laters. After years of fighting, I slowly began to realize, I was a monster or at least half of me was. I tried to use the fact that I only hurt bad people to justify my rage, but as you get older you realize all people have good and bad in them. My parents put me in martial arts to teach me the art of control and mental discipline.....I spent 8 years learning control. I loved it right from the start, I got to fight and I was good.......and the best part was, I got praised for it.....well for a little while. It was my second year, around 8-9 years old when my sensei had to put me in the adult class fighting 16-50 yr olds. I had hurt too many kids my age and it's not good for business. I quit Karate in my teens when I discovered weight lifting, as that was such an amazing feeling of power, like pure adrenaline shooting through my veins. My DNA was a perfect match for such a rush..........but unfortunately I lost my way again between the ages of 16-25. My friends and I did terrible things to people that we considered bad. Thankfully, Now I am older and the fire is much dimmer, But it still burns inside.....I have learned to control my demons, by not lifting weights as much, avoiding conflicts and letting my ADHD run wild on our every hobby imaginable. I try and focus on seeing the good in people and in life. I know Kevin is reading this and it's important he understands me before the next chapter unfolds. My hope is that he will make this right because There is good in him as there is in everyone. There is currently a pinsider that is talking to him, trying to work this out. Many of you would say, $3800 in the grand scheme of things is not a lot of money, and not worth destroying your life, but I am not like you. You may be reading this thinking, "holy shit", but understand my kind are everywhere. We hide in the armed forces, agressive sports, Boxing, MMA fighting and gangs. We either end up dead, in jail or we find a home in society that accepts us for who we are........but it is always a struggle. I cannot let go and that is why I am begging Kevin to please do the right thing. Kevin, I know you told me you would pay me, but after so many lies I am afraid you think I will just let it go. I am preparing to visit you in Indiana, 15hrs away, not to beat you up or threaten you......I am preparing to go to war and it is important that I see the face Of the man I will obsess about until I get my money. The war will not be a simple fight as described above, it will be a long, well thought out costly war.....One that will haunt you because you could have avoided it. For every dime I spend on my war, your debt to me will grow and it will start with the cost I incur when I come to visit you. There will be no time given, you will just look up one day and I will be in your face. You stated you were worried I wouldn't let it go after you paid, but I can forgive you because I have done terrible things in my life, much worse than stealing $3800 and I had to forgive myself.
I have just shared something very personal with all of you, it's ok if it seems overly dramatic and you would like to joke about it.....try living with it. You guys all Rock and thank you for the support, this topic is officially dead, it is now between two men........time for me to go dark........Winter is coming.