Couldn't agree more with you Molly. Sadly, it's a systemic problem magnified 10x due to the size of this community (small), further magnified by the size of users on Pinside (many). It creates a certain air of invincibility and anonymity. Therefore, thoughts that would normally be privately held in a human-to-human interaction, are allowed to fester and grow.
There are many awesome women that play here in the NYC league - Ali Bisset, Anna Wolk, Lindsay Rhoades, Kaite Martin to name a few - and they add great spirit to the community here.
So, dudes reading this, just ask yourself before you post: Would I say this to my wife? Would I say this to my daughter?