Zach’s 2021 Gifts to DenDen
Upgraded Memory - Clearly Dennis still has much to learn and now he’s got some extra capacity.
GPS Tacker - How better for Zach to keep track of Dennis, who’s running around faster than a two year old? The tricky part is getting Dennis to swallow the transmitter.
Mixed Tape - People used to make a mixed tapes for their crushes. Well, Zach recorded his favorite Karaoke ballads so Dennis can enjoy the beat, every day of the year (sometimes twice a day). His best tune recorded is …. Welcome to the Jungle.
Lingerie - ok this is getting ridiculous but Zach’s got stuck with 100 cases of briefs with his face on the flap. So Dennis receives a case of Zach underoos.
PIA Award - Zach wants to gift Dennis a PIA award but can’t find a category. So he creates a new one - Podcaster BFF of the Year - and awards it Dennis. (Zach really just wanted to be able to say that Dennis is a real pita to work with).
Jurassic Park wall calendar - centerfold is Jeff Goldbloom in an open black shirt reclining pose, enough said.
Ballad of Ricky Bobby dvd - Zach has poor taste in movies but wants to share his love of celluloid with Dennis. Nothing screams NASCAR and Christmas like this buddy flick.
Roo Sack - Dennis needs a safe warm place to store his balls. Now he has a kangaroo pouch to to cushion his clackers and preserve them for generations.
MiniPinstadium / Watch Wiper Mod - inspired by Pinstadium portable light system, Zach patents a MiniPinstadiums to fit any standard watch. The mod also includes two small wiper blades that will wipe away the fiercest torrential rainfall. Dennis is so grateful he makes and patents a smaller version for ladies watches and gifts it back to Zach.
Hottub - having an above ground pool is one of Zach’s greatest accomplishments in life. It suits his lifestyle but and he wanted Dennis to feel the heat. So he has an inground jacuzzi installed on Dennis’s property in the middle of the night. At daybreak the joke’s on Dennis, since the hottub looks strikingly similar to the above ground pool that used to be at Zach’s.
Cologne - Zach’s kitchen experiment worked and he created a signature scent. Described as being raw and a little musky smelling, this cologne captures Zach’s essence, his Zessence. Don’t wear if unprepared to fight off a pack of wild, hungry dogs.
Scientific T-Shirts - lots of market trends t-shirts are available. You might say they were trending down. Fear not, Zach doesn’t understand the tshirt graphics but figures it has to do with game prices going up and down and he thinks Dennis would look really smart wearing the shirt. He doesn’t know Dennis shirt size so he buys him one in ten sizes.
Christmas Film Library - not wanting Dennis to feel lonely at Christmas, Zach surprises Dennis with a first copy of the original Christmas movie to rule them all …. Diehard. High Def Director’s Cut with Dolby Surround Sound. Guaranteed to warm the coldest heart. Yippee Ki Yay, TPS Fans!!
Kaneda Army Subscription - listen to #1 pinball podcast by 4-time TWIPPY winning host and America’s favorite father for $5 a month and never venture beyond the paywall again.