I can relate to this. I agree that both have their strengths and their weaknesses. The problem I have is that the weaknesses have become more and more unbearable for me the better I've gotten at real pinball. A big issue is that fact that a game can last for hours on either one.

I think Zen Pinball (2) has crisper flipper mechanics and of course it has ball spin. Its problems are that the ball is too heavy and the flipper rubber is too grippy, making catching the ball overly easy (I think this is by design to appeal to casual gamers). The nudging is also weird with bang-backs and nudge passes being way too easy. I find there's little reason to use real-world skills on Zen when its easy to catch the ball just holding the flipper up or just do a bang-back when the ball settles into the outlane. It definitely is meant to have a video game feel to it.

Pinball Arcade has some issues with collision angles (especially with the tips of the flippers) and the ball seems to have a "slippery" effect at times due to lack of friction with rubber parts. The overall ball weight and bounciness seems better, although it lacks spin. Nudging is overall much better but it is too easy to affect the ball in the open playfield with nudging and essentially aim its path.

All in all I wouldn't say either is clearly better than the other. I think its just a matter of which of the shortcomings bother you more than the others personally.

I want Pinball Arcade to be the better of the two though, even if its currently not. Zen is what it is and I accept it as not intending to feel exactly like real pinball. I really wish Pinball Arcade didn't have the few shortcomings that it does, because I want it to be realistic. If it were just a little closer I would play it all the time, but the few things that feel off keep me away a lot of the time.

Note: My experience playing these is one PS4 and PS3 before that.