When I was a kid a neighbors dog kept pooping in our yard and my father was getting pissed and was getting close to confronting the guy about his dog. I decided to take action first. I grabbed a bucket and shovel. I filled the bucket a quarter full with poop from my yard and some from other neighbor. When the guy left for work I dumped the poop on his back deck. Never saw the dog in my yard again and my father was wondering why. I never told him I did it.

When I was 13 half of the woods behind my house were being developed into about 40 new homes. Me & my friends liked to hang out build forts & yes smoke some of Colombia’s finest which btw is about 1/10 the strength of today’s stuff. Anyway there was a security guard name Lee that patrolled the houses to prevent us from stealing plywood etc. to make our forts. We had a 55 gallon steel drum that we would beat on and chant Indian calls to get his attention. Well he would chase us to the portion of woods that was not being built on and usually stop job done. Well one day we dug a very large hole and covered it with twigs and leaves to conceal it. We started beating the drum and he came running and we led him down the path that had the trap and he stopped right before it. He leaned on a tree out of breath and we started taunting him and he took a few step forwards and fell into our trap! We ran like hell and heard him scream at us I will get you for this! The next day we heard he was looking for us and he had a brace on his leg.He also had two very large sons with him and he was going to even the score with us so we laid low the whole summer until the houses were complete. Summer of 1977 ruled !
BTW Lee if your still alive I’m sorry dude !

When I was in first grade there was a machine shop across the street from our school. They'd let us kids marvel at the machinery. They had a huge punch press. One worker would turn the handles and what not and place his pocket watch in there. Hit the foot pedal and BANG. Down it came. But didn't hurt the watch. Stopped at the glass over the face.

One day when he was doing this I gave one of the handles a few extra turns. He hits the foot pedal. BANG. Releases the ram and screamed. Still attached to his chain was a flat six inch round pocket watch.

They didn't let kids in there after that day.

LTG : )

I got an old friend today. He set his can of pop down and was playing pinball and had his back to it. I took a pin and punched a tiny hole on the side near the top where the opening is.

Instant dribble can.

I haven't gotten him with that stunt in 21 years. Last time was when he came in to meet my fiance'. He wasn't paying attention at all. She saw me and was in shock. She didn't grow up around guys, and didn't know we do things to each other like that.

What a great day !

LTG : )

I had a job working with some super nasty people—the kind that smile to your face but screw you over every chance they get. After the only decent manager left, they started making my life a living hell, and stated trying to force me to quit by taking away responsibilities, telling me I was sucking (despite nothing but glowing reviews up until that point), etc. Before they got anywhere with this plan, I managed to secure an internal transfer to a different department.

You’d think that would be enough to satisfy them, but no. They went to the powers that be and told them that Important Project would fail completely if I was taken off of it (even though they were still trying to tell me I sucked, lollll). Their sob story worked, and my new manager was forced to agree to this awful split schedule where I had to spend half of the day back at the old job. It was soon clear they were just fucking with me because there was literally nothing for me to do on Important Project. They just wanted to screw my new job over.

Maybe a week or so into this arrangement, evil bitch supreme comes into my office with a completely insincere smile on her face. She tells me that they are going to give me a $10K bonus “for good work”. I knew they were trying to mess with me again, so I listened closely to every word she said and wrote it all down. I mean, what company EVER gives an unprompted bonus to an employee who’s already quit? EBS had that fakey-fake smile as she gushed about how much they valued me, blah blah blah, and how this was to reward me for all the hard work I’d done. But she never said a word about Important Project! I sat back and waited for her to realize her mistake, but she never did!

After 2 months of this miserable split-time arrangement, they still were trying to claim they needed me. My new manager called me in one day and said “Listen, I need to play hardball with them, so I’m going to tell them that I can’t get my work done if you are only here half the time, and that I’ll need to fire you. Then I’m going to point out that you’ll have clear grounds for a lawsuit against the company. Don’t worry—we do NOT plan on firing you!” This strategy worked like a charm and I was immediately given a clear end date for the end of the week. When I got to Old Job that afternoon, Evil BS and her minion called me into the office, and started to tell me how I wasn’t going to get the 10 grand bc I was “leaving before the project was done”.

I calmly pulled out my notes and pointed to EBS, and said “On X date, I specifically asked you (details). At that time you assured me that this bonus was for past performance, not future. What you are saying today is a complete change in the terms of this bonus, and I’m HIGHLY disappointed that you are suggesting you don’t plan on honoring those terms.” You should have seen both of their faces as it slowly dawned on them that they had completely screwed up their plan to mess with me. Thanks to my new boss, they thought I’d already been consulting with a lawyer, and my wording now implied that I was about to sue their pants off. There was this incredibly awkward pause as they gave each other sickly tight-lipped grimaces. Another awkward pause as EBS looked down helplessly at the papers she was planning to ask me to sign. And then, with the most frustrated sigh I’ve ever heard, EBS hissed “FINE. We’ll give you the bonus.” I quickly chirped back “I’m glad you’ve chosen to do the right thing.” and then got the hell out of that office before they had a chance to think of any other way to dump on me.

So EBS lost two times that day, while I ended up with both the job I wanted AND a surprise $10K windfall that I used to take my brother and sisters on a really nice vacation.

In my youth, my best friend and I made up special backpacks, that had zippers to open the bottoms of them. We would then fill them with washing powders and rollerskate up to a fountain... and release our payload. We hit every single fountain in the city we lived in. We even nailed the one at the "New Mall" On the day they turned it on.... We had dumped our soap into it about 15 minutes before they turned on the fountain. Once they did, the fountain over flowed and flooded several stores!

Ahhh good times

So my Dad and I loved playing tricks on each other. He started the shenanigans when I was pretty young and they got better as I grew into a teenager and then to an adult. The first instance I can remember was I was around 10 and we had no air condition at home so you would sweat your balls off. Well while I was sleeping he put his sweaty sock in my mouth causing me to instantly wake up and sprayed baby powder all over me which turn to paste as I was sweating my ass off.

My payback to him several months later was he always packed his lunch the night before and it usually consisted of a sandwich, chips, ect ect. Well this particular night it was peanut butter and jelly. I waited for him to fall asleep and took his sandwich out of his lunch box and tossed it away. I remade the jelly side like normal but i used dogshit as the peanut butter side and then nicely put it back together inside his lunchbox.

Payback was always a bitch and he got me back. He saran wrapped the toilet seat causing me to piss on my self.

Well these practical jokes went on like this until I moved out. The last and best one was when I graduated high school my dad through a party for me celebrating not only my accomplishment but moving out to go to college. As he was getting ready in his room I ran into his master bathroom without him knowing and superglued two chicklets to his upper dentures! So here is my dad all proud giving a speech about me to our friends and family when all of a sudden my uncle interrupts him asking why he looks like Bugs Bunny! He immediately turns and yells Harley!

Great memories for me as I lost my Dad 11 years ago and miss him very much, however my son recently just got his first taste of baby powder so game on!
Harley D.

Bump for more funny stories

When I was younger, I used to travel with my dad a lot. He worked in the Country Music biz, so we were all across the US and Canada. We used to have this thing, where we would prank each other, by involving other people in our twisted schemes. So one day, I am in my early twenties and we are out in the ass end of middle America, in this little mom and pop steak house. We go in and get seated, Then, before the waitress can come, Dad takes off to the bathroom. When the waitress showed up, I gave her my most serious and demanding face and informed her that I was a US Marshal and the man with me was my prisoner. I told her I had him uncuffed, so as not to alert the other customers.. But that everything was perfectly under control. I also told her that no matter what the other man said, do not believe him and for GOD'S SAKE!!! DO NOT GIVE HIM A KNIFE!!!

So, the waitress is now a bit shaken, but she agrees to my demands. So I ordered Dad his coffee and i got my sweet tea. Dad returns from the restroom and when the waitress brings the drinks, she is down right disgusted at him! Treats him like utter shit.. This might have something to do with the fact that I said he was arrested for raping and murdering a string of woman in Arkansas. I'll admit.. that may have been a bit thick.. but it did the trick.

So Dad gets irritated at her attitude and develops one himself. He then orders a steak, I did too. A bit later, the food comes out and sure enough.. no knife for dad.. this is working perfectly... Dad is getting flat out pissed off at this point. He is keeping it to himself, but I can see him brewing. He tries to get the waitress' attention, but now she is ignoring him. After about 5 minutes, Dad is now royally pissed off. He has a shoe leather steak, that is burnt and probably spit on And no knife to cut into it. Meanwhile I am giving him hell, as I eat my juicy, medium rare steak, with my KNIFE!

Finally Dad loses his shit and demands a knife.... The waitress, that lady had a backbone like none I have ever seen! She gives him hell and utterly refuses to give him a knife.. Then finally, when he starts questioning why, she informs him that I said not to, because he is a rapist piece of crap...

Well, Dad's face went ghost white for a moment, then the sweat started beading up on his forehead as it turned beet red... And he gave me a look of bewilderment, disgust and pride... all at once. He then sat down, and spent 20 minutes trying to cut through his steak with a spoon.

When we left, he reminded me that it was a long road back to Tennessee and he would have ample opportunity to hide the body.

Freaking classic right there. ^^^^^^

Many years ago at work I had a coworker in AP who was rude and always talked down to me. On one occasion she was being rude to me one the phone and I gave it back to her as good as she was giving it to me. The next day she called me on the phone, was rude to me and I was rude to her as well. A couple of days later my boss pulled me in his office and said that she had filed a complaint with HR and had a coworker listening in on the conversation. I was receiving a written warning because my coworker set me up by antagonizing me and she was not disciplined. I was pissed off!

I waited a couple of weeks and I was about to go on vacation, when I remembered that I had an instruction book for my phone. We had a really old phone system, and there were probably only a couple of the old instruction books still around. I was receiving 50-60 calls a day from our Customer Service office to do floor counts. Before I left the office I forwarded my calls to the woman in AP that complained to HR about me. She received hundreds of my calls that week, and every time that she tried to forward the call to me her phone rang a second time!

When I returned to work on Monday I unforwarded my phone. My boss called me in the office as said “I know what you did.” I told him that I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I wouldn’t do it again, and that I hoped that someone had had learned her lesson. He said that my prank was brilliant but please don’t ever do that again and we laughed about it.

I worked with her for another 15 years and she never said boo to me again.

had a guy that used to enquire about every pinball I ever had listed for sale. He contacted another friend quite often as well. But he never ever showed up to see any of our games, he was a complete time waster and tire kicker. He must of contacted us both 15-20 times over the course of about 2 yrs. This time he said he really wanted my game that I was selling and that he would be able to pick it up in 2 weeks. Over the course of that 2 weeks he messaged me about it every other day, asking questions and just explaining how he was saving every penny he made and selling stuff so he could get it. Well...… the day arrived that he was supposed to pick it up and 1/2 hr after our time to meet he cancelled out and said he found another game he wanted instead. I told him that id been counting on him to pick this game up because I was going to use the money to buy another machine the same day and really needed the room for the new pin. I knew he just didn't have the money to buy it and was just coming up with excuses to cover his broke ass. So, I told him if he would still come to pick up the pin I would knock 1k off the price, since I really needed the sale to happen that day and the extra space required for my new pin. He happily agreed. he lived about 50 miles (one way) away from me. I had a vacant house across the street from me at the time, so I gave him that address. I eagerly sat and waited for him to show up. I sat upstairs and recorded him from the window as he stood at this vacant house knocking on the door and walking around the house wondering why nobody was answering. I then sent him a text that said, "See how it feels when someone wastes your time!" He has never enquired about another game since! I sent the video to my buddy and we both got a great laugh out of it.

One more Dad prank story. This is one of my favorites...
Dad and I were headed to a small town in Ontario Canada, called Palmerston, to visit some old stage friends of his. I had, at this point, never been outside of the US. I think I was 14.. So we are headed towards freedom bridge, to cross into Ontario and while sitting in a traffic jam nearing the border crossing, my dad looks over at me and says "Ok son, we are entering a new country! They are going to ask and probably search the car... So you don't have any drugs or weapons on you right?" Then he chuckled, because he thought that was just so darned funny. I looked him right in the eyes, with my look of horror (I have always been a bit of a ham and an actor) and said "What do you mean they are going to search the car?" I tried to leave it at that, but Dad of coarse, was now a little worried... I mean it was the 90's. Everyone was smoking pot and snorting coke... Dad says, "Look son, if you have some weed on you, just toss it out the window now."

Ok, how was I going to go further with this one? He gave me an easy out already... dammit... So I looked at him even more worried looking that the last time... "But Dad, I have a half pound of weed under the seat! I can't just toss that out!" I had times this perfect.. we were now two cars away from the border guards. There was nothing dad could do... Nothing he could say. The cops would NEVER believe it was MY weed... He was going to jail.

So we get to the border and the most Canadian border guard ever is at the booth... "Hoos it goin Eh? You guys coming for business or pleasure? Is there anything you need to declare, like food or animals or plants?" My dad is so nervous right now, you couldn't have driven a needle up his ass with a 12 pound sledge. He just stammers at the border guard, saying we are coming up to visit some friends. Sweat is rolling off his brow, the RCMP officer spots this and pulls us to the side for an inspection. We go in and sit while they go over our IDs and search thru the car. Of coarse they find nothing, give us a cup of coffee and a hot chocolate and send us on into Canada.

When we got into the car and about a mile from the border, Dad turns to me and asks where the HELL I hid the dope, because if it is there, he sure as hell needs some right now! I just burst out laughing and let him know there never was any. It's ok though... He had a cop buddy of his in a town just outside of Palmerston, arrest me... made me spend the night in jail too, for suspected illegal border crossing... Ahh Good times I miss that old asshole

That ^^^^^^^^, ...is some funny stuff.
I can just imagine how that played out. Jerry probably making himself laugh too.
Jerry's victims cussing him, etc. Good stuff JP007.

With friends like these...

This isn’t my tale—it was the sister of my manager.

She was in sales, and had stopped in to visit a customer. As she came out of the building, an 18 wheeler pulled up and blocked her in. She asked the driver nicely to let her out, but he cussed at her and told her he’d move it after he delivered his cargo. He totally ignored her protestations, pulled a pallet off the back and wheeled it in to the building.

What he didn’t know was that her boyfriend drove a truck for a living and had been teaching her how to drive...and this driver had left the truck idling. There was a construction site across the way, so she asked the workmen to give her a hand up into the cab. She was super hot and was wearing a tight skirt and high heels, so of course they ran right over and helped her in. She expertly put the truck in gear, drove it just out of sight around the corner, and then put it in park. She didn’t know how long she had before the driver came out, so she ran back to her car and took off, but as she pulled away she could see the workmen laughing so hard they could barely stand up straight. We all would have given anything to see the driver’s face when he came out to find no vehicles out in front!

This is one my friend Mark did in the 80's. We were down in the park one day and my friend Mark came up on is new street bike. He parked it and we were having a few beers. This guy walks up just shit faced and walks up and knocks his bike over after Mark told him to stay away from it. Put a big dent in his tank. Well about 30 minutes later the guy passes out in the grass. Mark picked him up and put him in his car, started it and drove it over the curb leaving it running. He then called the cops and they took him to jail for DUI.

Ok so a while back I was a tech at a honda dealership. The old grumpy mechanic had a honda three wheeler, MINT condition. We would always tell him we were going to take it out and do wheelies on it and he’d yell at us for a bit and get all worked up..... well one day he was leaving for a week and we told him we were going to ride it while he was gone, he flipped out and took the keys. I said hey we are all mechanics here we can just hot wire it...

We didn’t ride it while he was gone. But we did photoshop this picture and frame it. I had it wrapped up waiting on his bench when he got back, he was not impressed.

443B25D7-AE2D-4080-A698-3AE3A0419881 (resized).jpeg

01CAD582-799B-4A39-8753-817ED63024F2 (resized).jpeg

Scott Tenorman Must Die

Last year I drove to TPF from Minnesota. Made it there about 3pm on Thursday.

Got up and ran to breakfast at 9am on Friday. They had changed the hours and were clearing plates. We grabbed what we could and sat down.

After which we are talking about what to do next. It was rumored that JJP would reveal a game there. So I said to my friend and his son, lets go over and see the game. My friend asked, "where is it ?". Bensenville I replied. He looked at me for a few moments and finally asked me where the hell I thought I was.

I'm worthless in the morning before coffee.

LTG : )

My buddies and I were taking classes at Penn State McKeesport back in the late 80’s. In the basement of the library was the best bathroom to take a shit. Low traffic, quiet, always clean. It was one of the best public places to go number two, anywhere. There were also no windows. When we were there studying and ready for a break, we would walk down to the basement and poke our heads in the door. If we saw feet in the stall, we would flip the light switch off and leave. As the door was slowly closing behind us, it was a good chuckle hearing the guy inside yelling, “Ho, ho, ho!! Someone’s in here!”, as he was left to finish his business and clean up in pitch black darkness.

The real kicker of that practical joke was when someone else would go in after we left, walking into a dark bathroom, only to turn on the light and see feet in the stall in total darkness. I can only imagine the guy trying to explain the situation to a total stranger. On those rare and special occasions, it was a great two for one practical joke!

More of a great story than a planned practical joke...my cousin and our best buddy graduated in the late 80’s and after we had our graduation parties, we decided to take some of the money we got for gifts and go on a post graduation trip. We drove to Myrtle Beach and stayed in a great little motel called The Dolphin. Comfy beds, clean, right on the strip with a front porch which had a row of rocking chairs that was a great people watching spot. The only knock on the place we had was that the room didn’t have an ice bucket. We stayed there for 12 days, getting loaded every night, chasing girls, and sleeping to noon. The guy running the place got to know us because we were there for almost two weeks. We called him Randy, even though it wasn’t his name, because he looked like a Randy.

One day around the middle of our stay, the toilet got clogged up. Some water overflowed and we needed a plunger to fix it. My buddy Bert and I walk down to the office. We walk in and Randy is checking in a younger couple at the desk. Looked like newlyweds as they stood there with there arms around each other. Randy glances up and says “one second guys.” We say “ok” and stand off to the side. The check in is taking a little longer than Randy expected, so he says “hey, guys. What do you need?” to get us on our way. My buddy says, “we had an accident and we need a plunger”. Randy says “ok. I’ll be right there after I get these folks their key.” We turn to walk out and my buddy says over his shoulder, “can you bring a mop and some fresh towels, too?” Randy, starting to get a little annoyed, says “ya ya...I’ll be right there.” The couple turns to glance at us then goes back to their focus on the paperwork. As we hit the door and are walking out, I remember that we still needed an ice bucket, so I say “oh... and an ice bucket”, at which point Randy snaps off, “Jesus Crist! What the hell did you guys do in there!” The young couple turned and looked at us then looked at each other with a combination of puzzlement, fright, and nervousness on their faces. It was a priceless moment! We crack up about that to this very day.

Don't do all that crap. Be a good American.
Relax. Have a beverage. Plan some fun stuff to do.

Coming up to Christmas 1993 the girlfriend from hell called my sister to try and find out what she could get me for Christmas. Total BS, she wasn't going to get me anything anyway. She and my Sister talked for awhile.

Now at this time my sister and I collected Muffy bears, made by the North American Bear Co. Neither of us had the first three. Christening Muffy, Red Flannel Muffy, and Nutcracker Muffy. And we had a code we used if we found something the other didn't have. IGM ( I Got Mine )

So the girlfriend from hell calls me and we chatted. She said she knew what my sister got me for Christmas. Now I know my sister isn't a scrounger like me, so most likely she got me the easiest one to find. I said I know, she got me the Nutcracker Muffy. The girlfriend from hell said oh I'm going to have to talk to your sister. What a dummy. My sister is going to ream you a new one for falling for that so close to Christmas.

So later I called my sister and told her the girlfriend from hell blabbed. She was pissed. Then she started in IGM IGM IGM. I said what ? She said she found a Red flannel Muffy. I said you are kidding. She said no, why ? I said because I got you one for Christmas. Now she knows I wouldn't give her one unless I had one. She said you're kidding. I said no, I got you one. She said really ? I said I wouldn't lie.

So then she said that she'd gotten me a Red Flannel Muffy too. I said you're kidding, right. She said no. I said, do you want to know something even better ? She said what. I said, I lied.

She screamed and said I got you the Christening Muffy too and slammed up the phone.

My sister of all people should know not to talk to me around Christmas. I couldn't believe she of all people would tumble so easily.

LTG : )

Long story short. I had a verbal agreement to purchase 3 games from a lady, but asked her to hold them until the next day because my wife insisted we go to her fathers house for dinner...Of course, when I called the lady the next day to tell her I was coming over she told me that she had sold them to someone else who called right after we had hung up. I complained to her but she said they were sold and that was that. I knew from our previous conversation that she was super paranoid about selling her games for a penny less than they were worth so I waited a day and called her back. Told her I was prepared to pay an extra $500 over and above our last price if she would sell the games to me. (I let her believe that I thought she had not actually sold the games out from under me and was looking for a better offer.)

She told me with obvious regret in her voice that she could not take my offer because the games were already gone. I waited another 2 days and called her back. Told her I had found a buyer for one of the game and that I really wanted them now! Told her I would pay her $2000 over and above our previous price if she would let me come over and get them. After about 30 seconds of silence, I swore I could actually hear tears of regret in her voice as she told me that unfortunately her games were gone. I left it by telling her if she changed her mind, my offer was still good!

Hopefully she is still upset to this day about selling her games for less than "they were worth". But she should have honored her agreement to hold the games for me until the next day! I guess it was mean of me, but I was really annoyed that she did not hold the games for 1 day after we had spent such a long time on the phone discussing her games and their value. Oh well, hopefully I've matured since then!

I used to have a business selling collectible card game singles like Magic the Gathering. I attended a small local show weekly, large regional shows, and some national shows. In my local area (LA) I was known to pay top dollar on collections. One of my competitors Jim set up at the table next to me every week at our local show. The weekend of San Diego Comic Con* we both had tables at different locations in the hall. A long time customer of mine came to the booth and was a few feet back from the front of my booth and I heard him tell his son "Jim said to come to John to get an offer on our collection, and he'll beat John's price by $100." I was pissed that Jim was going to have me go through a collection for 2-3 hours and I didn't even have a chance at buying it! I told the customer that if he left it with me I'd go through it and be done in 2-3 hours. I went through the collection and valued it at $3700. I knew that Jim would want to pay around $3200.

Since I had zero chance of buying the collection, I offered the seller $4200, know that Jim would have to pay $4300 for a collection that he'd like to buy for $3200. The seller said he'd think about it and let me know, leaving with the collection. At the end of the show I ran into Jim and he bragged about this amazing collection that he bought and asked me if I had seen it. I replied that I did see it and I was regretting that I didn't get it. He asked me if there was anything in there I really liked, because he felt that he paid a premium for it. I told him that some of the Legends uncommon prices were going up in value (total BS). He suspected that I screwed him by offering too much knowing what he had done, but I never let on that I knew what he did.

Jim never bid against me on a big collection again.

*35,000 people attend Saturday at the show.

I pranked my 4 year old daughter by secretly dyeing her blonde hair red on bath night. Best mirror double take ever!

When my daughter was in first grade she thought it would be fun to prank my wife by putting purple paint in her shampoo to surprise her with a new color. I became part of the conspiracy and together we "secretly" tainted the shampoo. I warned my daughter that one never knows how these sort of things might come out. "The chemical reaction could do almost anything to mom's hair." This she thought hilarious. At this point you need to know that my wife has long, fine blond hair. My wife is in on the prank (of course) and we turn it around on my daughter. Mom pretends to wash her hair before bed and wears a towel on her head to bed. Everybody goes to bed normally and my daughter is up a little early the next day. Meanwhile I locate our bride of Frankenstein wig and my wife puts it on before my daughter "wakes her up." My daughters eyes get wide. My wife pretends not to understand what has happened and then notices her hair, shrieks in horror exclaiming that "I'll have to shave my head!" sending my daughter (poor thing) hiding in the living room from the havoc she has wrought. Soon after she realizes the prank was on her. She was not amused.