Summary: The Last Jedi is a movie.
Alternate Title: "The Last time I was this disappointed was when I found out there was no Santa Clause". Too disappointed to even write complete sentences ( or correct grammar for that matter) so here is a list of thoughts about this one in no particular order.
1) Felt like watching a bunch of music videos strung together. scenes went absolutely no where and just "were".
2) Careful Luke, don't use TOO much force ! Oh well, he died...
3) Finally get to find out who Rey's parents are ! "Eh just some people, not really important..." But.. " I said its not important, gawd !"
4) Can't wait to find out the mystery behind Snoke" Oh, he's just a random guy too" Well who is he? "doesn't matter..."
5) Hey, lets make sure we show those stupid dice that we've never, ever seen before so when Han gets them in the standalone movie the audience will all go " OHHHHHH SO THAT'S WHERE THEY CAME FROMZ..!"
6) New a-wings ! Bad-freaking-ass ! Oh they don't even do anything and all get wiped out when Kylo bombs the hanger ( see point 8). But hey, at least one of the pilots is a woman, right?? Yay diversity?
7) Aw F-yea the successor to the B-wing ! Coolest looking "new ship" since can't even remember. Oh, but they suck ass, and move about as fast as a death star. By the way they have turrets, but they don't actually fire lasers. They're more for show. Hey, where are all those cool A-wings while the B-new-wings are getting ANNIHILATED..?? They are too busy staying the F away from them because apparently a B-new-wings worst threat is the B-new-wing flying next to it.
8 ) Wow Kylo Ren's ship (looked great by the way and totally believable to be the interceptors successor) must be magical to fly through a f*cking force field around a capital ship and deliver a bomb strike to its hanger. ( RIP woman of a squadron who didn't really even fire a shot.. )
9) Speaking of shields I guess forward deflectors are no longer cannon (no pun intended) because 2 shots from a couple of tie fighters completely destroyed the bridge. Killing Admiral Ackbar ( Fuck you Rian Johnson). On a positive note Nien Nunb is still around (much rejoicing).
10) Leia scene..too easy
11) First order is the most badass legion in the Galaxy ! Nope, turns out the are just pawns (along with the rebels) in a war game played by rich asshole aliens on a casino planet... Gotta make a political statement in a Star Wars movie I guess. Over 30 goddamn years or war because of casino aliens. Worst plot line since a trade embargo gone bad.
12) Hey remember the Knights of Ren??? Yea, neither did Rian Johnson.
13) This is gonna sound REALLY bad. OK Disney we get it, you are making up for lack of diversity in the first 3 films. Every cut in a scene is a never ending cycle of either a man and or a woman on a never ending carousel of races. Like that's cool and all and totally respect it, but goddamn is it detracting. You can do such a thing and not have it feel forced ( pun intended) and have it appear seemless with out pandering to your audience. It was like 160 minutes of Micheal Jackson's Black or White video...
14) There are too many side characters I don't give a shit about who have way too much back story, and talk too much. See the "Firefly" affect. Rose, ROOOOOSE ( You know the orphan plumber / lower deck security guard who knows WAY too much about tracking through hyperspace...) has more back story then freaking SNOKE did. Remember him? The supreme leader of the New Order who was able to manipulate 2 force sensitive people undetected...He's not important, lets just Darth Maul him...
Honorable mentions: Cool things that fizzled out
- Rey entering "the dark side" started out pretty cool, but ultimately went no where. ( like most of this movie)
- Awesome there's Luke's X-wing ! Don't care how cheesy it would of been but Red 5 should have came in and took out a few Gorilla walkers In Battle of Hoth 2 before ultimately being shot down. Luke could then crawl from the wreckage to confront Kylo.
- He looks its asshole Yoda ! Too bad he only acted that way to test Luke after which his demeanor remained serious throughout the rest of the films.
- Rey and Kylo being ultimate badasses and fighting "imperial" guards. OK not TOTAL ultimate badasses since they both forgot how to use force push, pull, jump, and crush at a critical moment for some reason. This scene had everything going for it. Soooo much wasted potential. You have 2 confused, young, force sensitive people looking for answers both finding someone to confide in. Light understanding the Dark and Dark understanding the Light and THEN... well, nothing really...
I think the worst part of all is I really don't even care to see episode 9. Like most scenes towards the end of this movie felt like they should have been in the third one. I honestly have no idea where they could possibly go when this movie basically resolved the story arc of the trilogy. There's probably more I'm missing, but I have a head ache now. I wanted to like this movie ( I still do) but goddamn Rian Johnson just Valerian-ed me...