Please no. Because this is how it would go down.
Dear customers,
Mr Eddy is working on Stern's version of a medieval madness type theme. Because that's all we will let him do.
As we started the remake builds and saw how popular it was.
This new exciting machine will be Reusing the 24 house and army men as a castle. A big squeeky spinning disk from potc or CSI instead of trolls. The cannon from ACDC instead of the catapult. That will only hit what it's supposed too or work 10% of the time.
But it will have one giant stand up target on it that lights up. 1 hit at a time a letter to spell out " the Renaissance period"
To pass the savings and ease of maintaince on to you.
Also there will be on the premium and LE the rocket, war machine, buck hunter, star trek, game of thrones, style kickback. Because they have a surplus in stock. And George needs a new Challenger.
And it will have similar type shot as the damsel shot but use a bash toy will be the Aerosmith pro elevator and Jackie's head for the princess
It Won't have a coindoor. But will be the first Wi-Fi enabled game to allow pay to play tournaments. And directly remove money from your credit or debit as soon as you walk up to the machine. Even in home use. It will not turn on, or start without being connected to the paid online subscription. With no winnings or incentives. And no automatic updates. But this will pass the savings and ease of use to our loyal operators.
And for a $30 a month subscription you will get emails telling you code is coming soon. And where you can enter more paid tournaments or buy Stern Swag.
But wait there's more!
The woodgrained and pre dimpled playfield. And pre split cabinet really brings out the antique weathered look the artists were going for.
But...to pass the savings on to you again, inserts are also misspelled and pre ghosting.
Node boards are to be replaced at customers expense. Recommended every 3 months or 1000 plays. Because of just how many amazing new innovative and surprising features will be packed into this game.
Features list.
1 standup that lights 20 white inserts in displayed in a row.
White on white color changing only.GI To pass on more savings to you.
1 kickback
2 flippers
3 ball multiball
1 spinning disk LE, and premium only
0 slings as this is a unique new game. And the savings will be passed again to the customer.
1 bobblehead bashtoy
1 Collapsing cottage LE only
1 misaligned cannon LE and SLE only
No cannon on pro or premium model
1 bent wire form ramp. LE and SLE only
1 plastic ramp Pro only
1 magnet (somewhere)
8 intense white flashers directed at direct eye vantage point. For true game immersion.
1 Manual plunger for that true vintage feel.
Pre weathered playfield and cabinets on all models.
Guaranteed to have been left open in the Stern parking lot for at last 3 days each in the rain.
Signed by Gary himself with a certificate of authenticity. LE, and SLE only.
1 garbage Pail kids sticker on the speaker panel. For nostalgia.
And "some" ultra rare SLE models have a chicitta banana sticker from a random employees lunch on the apron. As any true super LE should
All this, at the low Pro Starting point of $7999
$9999 premium. And $12,000 for the LE.
And limited to 1000 Super LE's at the amazing price of $39,000. As this is Brian Eddys epic return after a 20 year absence from pinball. And we at Sten agree it was worth the wait.
Our gift to the loyal customers of Sten pinball.
And in celebration of Brian's return. In that true Stern pinball way.
Look for our extras coming from the Stern Shop. Like straight Legs, blade decals, and ultimate, super, mega, Limited edition toppers. No items listed come standard on any model.
Some assembly required.
Altoona, PA
Düsseldorf
Grimsby, ON
