Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

A panda walks into a bar.
He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.
“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”
Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

This cowboy walks into a bar.
His hat is made of brown wrapping paper.
His shirt and vest are made of waxed paper.
And his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper.
Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

A man runs into a bar.
Panting, he tells the barkeep, “Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!”
So the barkeep sets them up and the man knocks them all back in seconds.
“Why you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep.
“You’d drink fast too, if you had what I have,” says the man.
“Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep.
“Only twelve cents.”