I kid, I kid. I thought Ben was being sarcastic for some reason.
If you're in The Loop, you can pretty much get to any of them by train with little effort. With Headquarters River North being the closest, you could probably take a cab there inexpensively. Otherwise, it's off of the Chicago Ave stop on the Brown Line (Kimball).
Train stops from downtown for the others: HQ Lakeview, Diversey stop on the Brown Line (Kimball); Emporium Wicker Park, Damen stop on the Blue Line (O'Hare); Emporium Logan Square & Logan Arcade, California stop on the Blue Line (O'Hare). Alternatively, for Logan Arcade, you can get off at Western on the Blue Line (O'Hare) and it's a 1/2 mile north on Western until you get to Fullerton Ave.