I am so sorry to now hear of your loss and it is very precious how you honour and share Her memory.
I know of your pain, my wife was taken May 9, 2012 by pancreatic c. Maybe everyone handles it differently and in their own way but for what its worth perhaps my words can give some small solace out there:
- Year one was the hardest, dealing with the grief and trying to figure out who this new 'me' was without Her.
- Finally, in a year, had to break out, get away from the house, go on a sojourn, visit old friends, test and push myself.
- Came back just enough of a new me to be very brave and open a few drawers, clean out a few closets. It was impossibly hard to take Her wedding dress to the local charity shop, but I knew I had to do this. Teary eyed, I just said, 'Here, please take this from me.'
- It was almost, not quite but almost uplifting to get my old, long forgotten bachelor boxes of stuff from the basement and begin redecorating the place and putting my mark on it. Yes, that was hard but necessary for this new me and equally so replacing the many reminders and memorabilia of Us and Her with just a choice few. Her sweet new little sandals we bought together still lay untouched in the bedroom, where She took them off for the last time.
- Finally, after three years my body, more so than my mind, caved in and started dating. What a disaster! No it's not like riding a bike again, more like, actually worse than an awkward teenager fumbling around looking for some sort of start button. Slowly though, my match making lady neighbours and girl 'friends' did what they do best and slyly campaigned to enhance my awareness of their single girlfriends. Talk about a disturbance in the force, little did I know of this sisterhood and its machinations. For every such lovely date was backed by an all too watchful matchmaker friend, essentially an extra new mother in law. Soon after a few of these dates and settling on none, it seemed I was suddenly friendless and deemed ungracious! Oh blessed bachelorhood, not trying at all seems to be working way better now!
- Well it's going to be eight years later soon and who did I spend this winter with, worshipping, spending, slaving over and yet being saved by...those beautiful Bally girls from Atlantis, my first pin.
Hopefully, you find a few grains of hope, humour and perseverance in all this, maybe even see a slow progression from sad to glad (and just maybe I do too!)
(together 2008)Bahamas (resized).JPG