While very humorous, I have no sympathy at all. You wed in to the situation, you have kids in the situation. You can't say after those events that you want out. There are instincts involved that every man possesses. You should have listened to that little voice in your head when you were courting screaming "run the hell away". There were warning signs. You know that you ignored those voices. You should have listened to them.
If only posting for humor, right on!