I've been collecting since the late 90s...a few things that I\we do.

The wife and I have separate bank accounts. We both direct deposit X amount of dollars into our join account which covers the bills..and has a rainy day balance also. What we do with our separate money is our business. She likes to brag to me how much she has in her account..I like to buy pinball machines

When we bought our house we made a deal...the basement was mine...everything else is hers. No random pinball machines showing up in the dining room..living room etc. For the most part she has nothing in the basement. I make sure she has a spot in the garage in the winter time.

When ever I make I purchase I always include her before (OK..mostly before ) making the deal. Even though I use my own mad money...I consider it respectful to let her know what's going on. I 'ask' her about a purchase. She's never said no...including a 20K + purchase a couple years ago.

When a new games comes home she always gets to play it first. She certainly isn't a pinball player and would never head to the basement by herself to play...but again it's respect thing. Kinda funny have 4-5 guys stand around an unboxing party watching the wife play the first game =)

I very much limit time spent playing or fixing stuff. I usually try to get some games in when she's not home. If I have a mini-project I wanna get done on a game...I'll let her know. Something like 'Thursday night after work I wanna do XYZ.' The idea is to give the illusion that the hobby does consume me...even though it really does.

What's worked for me so far...include the wife in purchases and make sure feel important in the hobby, keep surprises to a minimum, 'schedule' pin time to do stuff and most importantly, don't ever make the wife feel she's a back seat to the hobby (even if she is =) )