(Topic ID: 177015)

Pinball guilt vis-a-vis family.


By wtuttle

2 years ago



Topic Stats

  • 27 posts
  • 24 Pinsiders participating
  • Latest reply 2 years ago by
  • No one calls this topic a favorite

You

Linked Games

No games have been linked to this topic.

    #1 2 years ago

    Hi Everyone,

    Perhaps it's the impending New Year, but as the holidays hit, does anyone, like me, ever have any tough mental battles with guilt as it relates to pinball? For instance, I just put $1,000 down on the latest Spooky pin, and was fortunate enough (through hard work and four years of saving) to get a TWD Premium this year, but have an immediate family member who is living in poverty and eating from a Food Bank. I've tried to help as much as possible, but short of making all decisions, it is a losing battle.

    Any thoughts?

    Apologies in advance for the downer of a topic. Just wondering if there are others out there who have had faced this before.

    #2 2 years ago

    I don't feel bad buying pinball machines because the money I spend on it is allocated to it, and it doesn't not inhibit the family budget, my savings plan, or my charity allocation for church etc.

    I think if you are feeling guilty, then you are being compelled to do other, maybe more responsible things with your money. Whether that be to help a loved one, a charity, investing in your family, or saving

    My 2 cents, you should follow your gut, because it's probably right. Sorry, I don't think it's responsible to just ignore

    #3 2 years ago
    Quoted from wtuttle:

    it is a losing battle.

    That usually is the case.

    The things that you have are yours, your family worked hard to get to were you are. Some relatives have mental issues, that you or your family can not change. If you have offered assistance, great, if giving them money is your answer, that can go wrong. Money given, could just go to drugs or alcohol. Offer to buy them food, clothing, beds, etc. (I do not know the situation I'm just generalizing.).

    #4 2 years ago

    I'm not in your position so I can only speak for myself. I have spent quite a bit on pinball over the last 8 years. Sometimes during the holidays you can see others not as fortunate but I've had my ups and downs to. I always rationalize that I could liquidate my collection for at least what I paid for it if I had to I guess, but only to help my immediate family. I donate to good causes and try to help when I can. If you think about it you could always do more but where do you draw the line?

    #5 2 years ago

    I feel no guilt or shame. And I stay away from those that try to lay guilt trips on me.

    #6 2 years ago

    All my toys are bought from hard work and dedication. I'm not rich by any means, I work hard so I can play harder.

    #7 2 years ago

    Fair enough gents. Thanks for the soothing words.

    #8 2 years ago

    I think I have to add my 2 cents. Like many others here, I'm not rich but I've been lucky enough to have some toys. Truthfully, luck doesn't have much to do with it. It's a plan. You save here and there, work a little extra and soon you have a few extra bucks. There's no secret to it.... Don't feel guilty. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Don't let them bring you down. Be proud or your efforts!!

    #9 2 years ago

    I deal with this same thing, I do my best to help everyone out but sometimes you need to let them fend for themselves. I wouldn't let anyone in my immediate family starve, or become homeless but it sucks to feel guilty for hard work/success.

    #10 2 years ago
    Quoted from wtuttle:

    I just put $1,000 down on the latest Spooky pin,

    Has the new title been announced ?
    Thought the release is in March?

    #11 2 years ago

    Enjoy your hard earned toys and don't feel guilty about them. Sounds like your close family member might be in need of more than just a little money. It's not like you giving them all your play money instead of buying a pinball would actually solve all their issues.

    #12 2 years ago

    It's easy to zoom out and feel guilty with almost every menial purchase. As others have said take care of your immediate family's needs first and then give where you can. But it's ok to treat yourself too!

    What I find more worrisome in this hobby is the lack of priorities some do have. For example was chatting with a bloke who had lots in student loans yet bought 3 NIB machines over the past 3 years. Pinball should come after the debts are paid. Just my belief.

    #13 2 years ago

    I work hard, I dont drink, dont smoke, dont rent expensive women
    what I do is spend $$ on pinball, and I dont feel guilty at all

    as for your family member, they have to decide to turn their life around

    #14 2 years ago

    People are going to do want they want to do. I've helped family members on a limited, fixed income cut their expenses only to see them try to turn the monthly savings into a 7 year loan on a new vehicle they did not need and could not afford. You feel like you are banging your head against a wall. What exactly is the family member's problem?

    #15 2 years ago

    You are NOT (okay..I will admit that there are some cases where this might not be true for someone, and I really hope that's not the case here..) responsible for everyone else's personal situation. Help out where you feel comfortable doing so, but I think it's not right to not enjoy the things you've earned from hard work.

    It's really easy for me to say "God damn, my situation sucks!" I live in a sub-1000 sq ft condo with my wife and 2 kids, it's really cramped, have tons of debt, a dead end entry level job, an achy back, have been sick all week, can't get any overtime this week or next week because holiday scheduling boned me at my job, have really *zero* close friends at the moment...this list of suckitude goes on and on, trust me. But you know...I don't really feel like anyone OWES me anything. I've spend my entire adult life taking care of my own mental and financial health, and I'm surviving. Lots of things were outside of my control, especially on the financial side. But you know...I'm not dying (that I know of? LOL...), I own some pins, have plenty of games and computers, my family, we just got a cat (cutting OTHER expenses to pay for that..you know..the responsible thing to do..), and I have a plan for this coming year to better manage our medical expenses.

    Your money is not going to help your relative, unless it's highly conditional on them doing everything they possibly can for themselves first. I'm a firm believer that people have to find their own rock bottom before they will make the genuine effort to pick themselves up, do the necessary things and SUFFER through the hard times to make the future better for themselves. I was lucky...my rock bottom was far far higher than most people. My brother went to jail for a few years and has been dealing with a felony record. /shrug At the point he threatened to kill me, I didn't have contact with him for YEARS. I could not bear to close out my dad's estate and deal with his problems at the same time. He's had two kids by two different mothers, and one of them was worth enough to him for him to realize he'd had enough of being in and out of jail and crap jobs...he's running a Pizza Hut store right now. You laugh, but that little f'er is going to make more money than I do working for AT&T after 8.5 years this coming year most likely. He's turned his life around in a massive way, but he slammed HARD into the pavement before he figured out how to do it. We hang out quite a bit, he's turned into someone I *like* instead of someone that feels like a burden, and I'm really thankful for that.

    It's my opinion the longer and the more you help this person, the less motivated they will be to solve their problems. Really the only time that you should go far out of your way to step into their business is if there is some immediate danger to their life, whether that's them having absolutely nowhere to go in terms of shelter or assistance, or mental health issues. And there's a ton of resources out there for both of those. But they have to want it. You're only delaying the inevitable, and you've already realized that in your own statement, I think. I saw the same thing with my mom and my brother. She tried to 'help' him for years, only to watch him destroy everything. It wasn't until he was truly left to his own devices that he fell far enough to do the right thing. He could've had YEARS more time as a productive human being, and MAYBE not have spent years in jail and with a felony record following him around had someone just been harder on him.

    Just my 2 cents..which is probably not even worth 2 actual cents. But hey...

    #16 2 years ago

    I am director of a children's ministry for kids whose parents are drug and alcohol addicts, can't hold jobs, basically just can't survive in everyday life.
    There parents poor choices are why there parents are, where they are. Failure to dedicate themselves to hard work, perseverance, in life, and learning to be willing to come in early and stay late are why they struggle and take every week from the food bank.
    It's ok to take from the food bank, but the day must come where you have to be on the other side of the table, handing out, it's hard for me to see the same people in the line year after year.
    All I can do is pray for them, and try and be a compass for there kids, so they don't repeat, break the cycle.

    #17 2 years ago
    Quoted from Wyopinball:

    willing to come in early and stay late

    *grits teeth*

    This has nothing to do with anything regarding what SHOULD be required for someone to make a liveable wage. You cannot tell me that just because they aren't working ridiculous unhealthy hours at the behest of some corporation, that's a personal failing. I'd encourage you to try to not use that particular point as a blanket statement. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm really sick and damn tired of working 50-80 hours a week to make ends meet (AKA: "Doing the right thing" or "dedicating myself"?) and then being told that I'm a shit parent for barely ever seeing my kids that live in the same house I do (They go to bed an hour after I get home, at most? I don't get weekends off..if I did I'd actually see them LESS!) Have no problem with the rest of your statement but that part really REALLY irritates me.

    Signed, that guy that works ~55 hours a week year round to make sure your TV and internet service gets fixed by techs. That guy that worked on Christmas Day, and on New Year's Day for the same reason. That guy that's delivered pizza to make ends meet during the holidays. That guy that's BARELY in the "middle class" despite all that. =|

    Signing off, otherwise I'm going to turn this whole thing into a social justice discussion.

    #18 2 years ago
    Quoted from GaryVee:

    It's easy to zoom out and feel guilty with almost every menial purchase. As others have said take care of your immediate family's needs first and then give where you can. But it's ok to treat yourself too!
    What I find more worrisome in this hobby is the lack of priorities some do have. For example was chatting with a bloke who had lots in student loans yet bought 3 NIB machines over the past 3 years. Pinball should come after the debts are paid. Just my belief.

    in most cases it would be dumb to pay off student loans (low interest rate) and you could actually be making the better finacial decision to buy 3 NIB pinball machines and flip them like some people always try to do.

    #19 2 years ago
    Quoted from wtuttle:

    Just wondering if there are others out there who have had faced this before.

    I understand the feelings of guilt, because I've pondered the same things. At the same time, everything I've got I've earned fair and square and it is my privilege to spend that money in whatever way makes me happy.

    I help how I can in the ways I can, and I feel good about those ways. That's basically all you can do or can expect to do.

    #20 2 years ago

    I think your just have to draw the line for yourself where you feel comfortable. I get anxious spending more than a few hundred bucks on a game. My wife and I agreed that I could get my first DMD game this coming year with some of my bonus money from work, and the thought of spending that much on a game already has me losing sleep lol. When I look at some of the collections on here my mind is blown at how people can afford this stuff.

    Got a bit off topic there, but my point is that you can rationalize spending money on ANYTHING (not just pinball) that could "go to a better cause" like eating out at a nice restaurant, a good bottle of booze, an iPad, a new car, etc. You have to do stuff for yourself that makes you happy!

    #21 2 years ago

    My Wife and I deal with similar issues every year. For the past several my Father in law is ALWAYS unemployed during the winter time. He either gets layed off or fired mysteriously in early fall. His basic plan is to work just enough through the year so he can claim unemployment and be off for an extended period. The unemployment obviously is never enough to pay the bills so they stack up until one day we get a frantic call just like we did 2 weeks ago that his gas is gonna be shut off in 2 days if we don't pay his $500 bill. Finally after 8 years of my Wife has finally had enough and refused to pay. For years I've told her money wasn't the problem it only enabled him to continue doing this to people. I also understand how hard it can be to say no to family in instances like this. However if you've helped in the past and they still continue to do the same dumb shit it's time to let them fall on the pavement.

    #22 2 years ago

    Life is a series of choices and those that plan for the future and work hard are usually
    successful. Those that don't generally are not. I've got one nephew that has, and continues
    to make bad choices even though all of us have tried to convince him to *think* and
    do the responsible thing. My sister gives me a hard time because I "waste time and
    money on pinball machines when I could be helping her son". Bah humbug on that.
    I do not feel guilty in the least. Its my reward for doing the right thing.
    Steve

    #23 2 years ago
    Quoted from frolic:

    I understand the feelings of guilt, because I've pondered the same things. At the same time, everything I've got I've earned fair and square and it is my privilege to spend that money in whatever way makes me happy.
    I help how I can in the ways I can, and I feel good about those ways. That's basically all you can do or can expect to do.

    Is it? Not questioning the right to spend money however I choose, but I question the morality. Check out Peter Singer's quick TED Talk about effective altruism. Pretty compelling and has me rethinking my spending:

    #24 2 years ago
    Quoted from blueberryjohnson:

    Is it? Not questioning the right to spend money however I choose, but I question the morality. Check out Peter Singer's quick TED Talk about effective altruism. Pretty compelling and has me rethinking my spending: ยป YouTube video

    Well, without watching that video, there is more to what I do with my time and money than was revealed in my post. But those are all my choices (besides my tax bill) and not driven by guilt.

    #25 2 years ago

    I think it is important to make giving a part of your budget. Giving directly to family members can be very difficult, though. Money changes relationships in all kinds of ways. In most cases, you will end up enabling them to stay in a poor situation. It's one thing to help out those who fell on hard times with being laid off or medical bills. Maybe it's a mental problem but some just seem unwilling to improve their lives even if it just means showing up for a job. If you feel guilty, find ways to help without giving money. If anything, have them over for dinner now and then if they live nearby.

    #26 2 years ago
    Quoted from Frax:

    *grits teeth*
    This has nothing to do with anything regarding what SHOULD be required for someone to make a liveable wage. You cannot tell me that just because they aren't working ridiculous unhealthy hours at the behest of some corporation, that's a personal failing. I'd encourage you to try to not use that particular point as a blanket statement. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm really sick and damn tired of working 50-80 hours a week to make ends meet (AKA: "Doing the right thing" or "dedicating myself"?) and then being told that I'm a shit parent for barely ever seeing my kids that live in the same house I do (They go to bed an hour after I get home, at most? I don't get weekends off..if I did I'd actually see them LESS!) Have no problem with the rest of your statement but that part really REALLY irritates me.
    Signed, that guy that works ~55 hours a week year round to make sure your TV and internet service gets fixed by techs. That guy that worked on Christmas Day, and on New Year's Day for the same reason. That guy that's delivered pizza to make ends meet during the holidays. That guy that's BARELY in the "middle class" despite all that. =|
    Signing off, otherwise I'm going to turn this whole thing into a social justice discussion.

    Been there, done that... right down to the delivering Pizza thing to make ends meet. There was a time I barely had 6 hours per day not working to make ends meet. Of course at that time my other half was doing everything in her power to work against those efforts so it was partially my fault for not cutting loose a lot sooner.

    However, even with having experienced that, I still feel putting in the extra effort is a big part of what pushes one through to a better living. It doesn't necessarily mean putting in extra hours at work though, for me it meant putting in extra hours at school with coursework and projects directed towards a career goal while working. Yeah that meant an extra 30-50 hours a week put in, but it was temporary, for the betterment of myself and got me where I wanted to be.

    Still though to maintain my relevance I do need to continue educating myself after work hours, though not extreme and at home, if I count it as part of my work its still an extra 10-15 hours per week.

    To me what irks me is when I encounter people who want to be making what I do, doing what I do and I tell them to read this or that, try these projects out, look at these case studies and feel free to ask me any questions... and they do none of that and wonder why they didn't get selected in the last hiring round.

    So I guess to me I agree with you both... Its not right to be expected that extra hours at work are what is required to keep your job... however I do think that extra effort on personal growth toward a carrer goal is required (typically) to advance past that job that may not pay all that well.

    #27 2 years ago

    Just like the old ant and the grasshopper story. I agree with most on here, help where you can and feel comfortable, and shy away from giving money as then you become the provider for everything. At least if you stick to offering to give a ride, cook a meal or mow the lawn that is all you will be asked to do.

    Promoted items from the Pinside Marketplace
    $ 89.99
    From: $ 11.95
    Playfield - Toys/Add-ons
    ULEKstore
    $ 15.00
    Cabinet - Other
    Siegecraft Electronics
    $ 430.00
    Cabinet - Armor And Blades
    MI Pinball Refinery
    $ 149.00
    $ 50.00
    Lighting - Led
    Rock Custom Pinball
    From: $ 9.99
    $ 9.99
    Eproms
    Matt's Basement Arcade
    $ 5.00
    Playfield - Decals
    Doc's Pinball Shop
    From: $ 64.00
    $ 48.00
    Cabinet - Other
    ModFather Pinball Mods
    $ 164.99
    Lighting - Led
    PinballBulbs
    $ 27.50
    $ 22.00
    Cabinet - Sound/Speakers
    ModFather Pinball Mods
    $ 115.00
    Boards
    AMCO
    $ 144.00
    Lighting - Backbox
    The MOD Couple
    $ 48.00
    Cabinet - Other
    ModFather Pinball Mods
    $ 69.99
    Playfield - Toys/Add-ons
    Lighted Pinball Mods
    $ 234.99
    $ 9.95
    From: $ 11.95
    Playfield - Toys/Add-ons
    ULEKstore
    From: $ 29.99
    Playfield - Protection
    Little Shop Of Games
    From: $ 5,799.00
    Pinball Machine
    Great American Pinball

    Hey there! Got a moment?

    Great to see you're enjoying Pinside! Did you know Pinside is able to run thanks to donations from our visitors? Please donate to Pinside, support the site and get anext to your username to show for it! Donate to Pinside