(Topic ID: 353199)

Parenting Help: Failure To Launch Preventing Kids At Home In Their 20s

By SantaEatsCheese

4 months ago


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“Kids these days... am I right?”

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There are 307 posts in this topic. You are on page 7 of 7.
#301 4 months ago
Quoted from JToeps:

just found this thread and catching up but I wanted to share one secret for anyone with little ones in the house.
--> I kept my Calvin and Hobbes books in their room, JUST out of reach.
I didn't mention them. Didn't force them. Just left them up there, dangling precariously on a shelf. That, plus the "501 facts about pokemon" book I bought our neuro-divergent eldest turned them into lifelong readers.

If only that would have worked for my kid! The only book I've noticed in his room lately is "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry" which I suspect he leaves out to create the illusion he's actually still reading. The book is like 80 pages, he's had it for 6 months

#302 4 months ago

By all rights I ought to need to devour this thread, but my kid (21) surprised me by up and moving to Minneapolis to live with her friends who had already done so. So far so good...

#303 3 months ago
Quoted from canea:

We have a 20 year old in college doing very well and a 16 year old boy who's a typical 16 year old boy. Mostly we've let them grow up doing what they want and find their own way, discouraging bad behavior when necessary. We pay for their endeavors when we can (as opposed to making them pay for everything, like schooling for example) because its a great way to transfer wealth to them now as opposed to later, and pay it forward.
One thing that has changed in the last generation is that boys (in particular) don't care as much about the opposite sex as they used to. They've got video games and pron and culture has pretty much taught them that women are a big pain in the ass (re:Barbie) so they're just not as interested. I think this trend has been documented in Japan as well among young men. There's just not as much drive (plenty of conspiracy theories as to why that is) to get out there and do things in a world that seems much more ambivalent to their actions than it did during the last generation. So, overcoming that feeling of apathy (or pretending like you have) is likely a big part of becoming a successful adult for boys.
Just a recent example of that last bit, my son recently had a young lady ask him to prom. He told her, "I'll think about it." I was flabbergasted by that. Are you kidding me?

I think a lot of young men of more recent generations have the idea that no young woman could possibly be interested in them and that any evidence to the contrary is either a misunderstanding or a weird trick.

#304 3 months ago

Step Brothers is streaming on Netflix if you need motivation.

2 months later
#305 36 days ago

So the following is an interesting lecture on "Failure to Launch" syndrome, that seems put together for continuing education units for some random sociology certification, but it has some really good point in it.

It gave some great examples on what things typically look like, and some common trends in families that have boomerang kids or failure to launch kids. I'm not trying to accuse parents of doing anything wrong, but here are a few examples and some things you should be mindful of.

Parents of failure to launch kids often kill their kids with kindness. Think of the following excellent example.

1. Your 16 year old son is sitting down at the kitchen table and looking a little depressed. He seems a little off so you ask him whats wrong. He says that all his friends have girlfriends, and he wants one too. You ask him if there is a girl he like and he says yes.

Do you:

a. Encourage your son to ask her out, letting him know that the only way he'll know and grow is by trying, and getting turned down is just fine.

b. Set him up on a date with one of your co-workers kids

c. Tell him she's out of his league

d. Change the subject.

C and D are clearly just bad parenting, but if you try to set him up with someone's kid from work, you are doing the work for him an he's not going to learn anything about approaching the opposite sex.

Trying to get your kid a job instead of helping them get a job, trying to get your kid a place to live instead of helping them find one... all of these things are coming from a place of love, but are really not doing the kid any favors in their personal growth and development.

My kids are still little so I've got a ways to go, I'm just trying not to make the mistakes my parents have made/are making with my sister and am doing research there. Hope this random post on a pinball forum helps someone.

#306 35 days ago

I deal with this. The answer is A. Rejection is a part of life. You can't succeed if you don't try.

I have a cousin that never asked out a girl. He always waited for a girl to approach him, so he would get the leftovers at the bar at 4am. He married one girl and she ended up trying to kill him in the middle of the night. He has since remarried, but his new wife is also a trainwreck.

I use his example to my oldest son. He got the courage to ask a girl out and it worked. The first one is always the scariest.

4 weeks later
#307 7 days ago
Quoted from SantaEatsCheese:

Back on the subject of raising independent kids, I'm trying to get an entrepreneurial spark in my kids.

How did the Pokemon sale go?

There are 307 posts in this topic. You are on page 7 of 7.

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