Terrible band. Terrible appeal. Bad idea for a stern. Maybe spooky could do it, if Charlie’s taste in music is bad enough.

Their awful Netflix movie came and went with a thud. Nobody cares about these fat wash ups.

Ten seconds to lunch
Kickstart my heart (no really)
Don’t go away hungry
Crullers, crullers, crullers
Dr. meal good
Hoagie, sweet hoagie

Yeah just me and Wikipedia and hazy memory for song titles

Axl put on some weight as he got older like many of us do.

Vince is morbidly obese. Not really a fair fight.

I wonder if Live Nation really has a "lose 40 pounds" clause in the contract. If so is it really enforceable, or does it hold the same value as the "Cessation of Touring" contract they all signed 5 years ago?

Yeah right.

They all hate each other, and likely will spend zero time with each other beyond 3 days of rehearsal before the tour and the time they spend on stage.

They are all on their 8th marriages and are only doing the tour to pay off their latest divorces, and not looking for a fresh one. I doubt "beautiful women" are on the menu. Not to mention most of the "beautiful women" coming to these shows are in their 50s and look like they are in their 70s.

The "coolest places in the world?" These guys will have no idea where are they most of the time and rarely leave their hotel to enjoy some of the coolest places in the world - Witchita, Cincinnati, Albany, etc.

It's a job, not much unlike what you or I do every day. Do you have a "kick ass time" at your 9 to 5, spending all day with a few people you tolerate and a few people you hate? At least you don't have to spend an hour after work every day satisfying your obligations for a VIP "meet and greet" where you have to listen to schlub after schlub tell you that "Your music helped me get through the dark times man!" or "I'm your biggest fan!!!" while you go through a bucketload of hand sanitizer during the photo session.

The biggest difference is that you or I might actually be good at our jobs - Crue will stammer through 90 minutes of backing tapes and the unrecognizable caterwauling of Vince Meal.

I don't hold it against them - Vince has to eat, and there's plenty of people who will shell out $150 to remind them of the days when they made out with Becky Johnson in the back of their '82 Monte Carlo. But the whole "you are jealous nah nah" thing is kind of silly. These guys are not doing this for fun, they are doing it to pay off Heather Locklear.

I go see lots of oldies bands and I generally have a great time. But it's pretty rare I'd change spots with them, even 5 star acts like the Stones. I'll take being 44 and poor over 75 and rich. And I'll take my liver over Vince Meal's anyday.

It is fun trying to translate Vince these days.

He na..wa ya call...glammy dan!!

(backing tapes) "DOCTOR FEELGOOD"

he a man...gonna ma...ree goo!

(backing tapes) "DOCTOR FEELGOOD!"