Not sure this will keep the craigslist trolls away, but a nice attempt anyway:
sfbay.craigslist.org link
"I need to make room and I am ready to deal. Please note, ready to deal, doesn't mean contact me with ridiculous offers. If you reach out with a ridiculous offer please don't tell me who you are because I would really hate to find out that I know you or might meet you in the future. I have a low tolerance for the brain dead after watching to many zombie movies and having this here chainsaw surgically attached to my arm for just such an occasion. Local Pickup works best. If you prefer to send me an armored truck full of $100.00 bills and the Swedish Bikini Team I will definitely wrap and ship it for you. Money Orders with 50 - 100 extra for the hassle don't interest me any longer since the last time I did this my dog ran off with a squirrel and my lawn died."