Do some research on “silver divorce” is what I think it’s called. Unfortunately this isn’t uncommon so you may find plenty of good content. What’s bittersweet is it’s also common for there to be regret after the fact. But once you’ve already peeked behind the curtain you can’t unsee what’s been seen.

Sorry to hear about this….but when I continue to hear stories like this it’s hard to act surprised anymore. But it’s sad that there is emotional damage on their end and even for you. It sucks.

Maybe he shows it in other ways. The tires on her car always have air ? Her car always has gas ? The lawn is maintained ? The house is in good shape ? He treats her and her family with respect ?

Affection isn't always fireworks and skyrockets. Sometimes it is soft, and consistent over the years.

Consider too. Maybe your step-dad deserves someone better ?

Best wishes to you and your loved ones going forward.

LTG : )

Here’s a case of….you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. Shouldn’t be like that.

Sometimes it takes courage to step in and tell someone how you really feel, and that you think what they are doing is wrong. Say exactly what you said in your post -- you consider your step dad to be your real dad. You don't have any thing to lose by telling your mom how you feel in that regard, or that her reasons are petty, and other things you mentioned.. I went through a similar situation, only life threatening with my mom and dad after they had been married for 59 years. If I hadn't stepped in who knows what would have happened? If you don't say how you feel now you might not get another chance later. AZKenny

please talk to both your mother and step-father
you might not be able to fix this, but at least you tried

Well, sorry to hear this and I agree with EJS , Silver (or Gray) Divorce is not all that uncommon these days. Living longer and healthier is one reason, combined with all kids gone out of the house, leaving a void that needs to be filled with other common interests. Though there is often feelings of regret, only around 5-6% will remarry each other.

Ultimately, I know you know it is their decision, and it may be the best you can hope for is an amicable separation with no hard feelings. Hard to do if the desire for divorce isn't mutual but helping them work toward that if it is inevitable may be in everyone's interest.

What is the point of trying to talk your mom out of this? She has already broken your step dads heart, that’s irreparable. The only worse thing for your step dad would be to make him live with a resentful monster who doesn’t want to be with him.

"Me" generation.

I have a sister who did this, inexcusable.

Just live as a threesome

Man you are so cool. You always see the silver lining/positive in every situation. I do agree on affection no always being fireworks. After being married for years and years I think affection is showed in different ways other than intimacy.

I have seen that before.... sometimes it works, but it usually does not (at least not happily).

Except any old dolt can make sure the tires have air. Marriage is ultimately work & sometimes doing "everyday" tasks isn't enough.

You don't. All I can recommend to you is try to be empathetic to your mom's choices & thoughts. Maybe your pops & mom deserve better. You're mom has every right to fuck up her life. You commenting on her decisions will only add resentment to her relationship with you. Tread carefully.

Therapist here. I think that this is all pretty accurate. Relationships take constant work and sometimes just doing good deeds isn't enough, especially if that is not the way that your mom feels loved. Trying to intervene might cause further issues for your relationship with your mother. Consider consequences of getting in the middle of this in that it could permanently harm your relationship with your mother. I also understand that emotions get really high in these situations and you want to go try to fix the situation or stop mistakes from happening. If you are feeling some stress about this, there is no shame in it and it is totally natural to feel stress and want to be proactive in fixing or preventing this scenario. Don't be afraid to get in touch with a counselor for your own emotional needs.

The only thing we (barely) can control is how we respond/ react to what is presented to us. Painful at times, but truth. I'd stay out of it and just take care of yourself dealing with the outcome, whatever that is.

Sorry you are going through this, but is what it is.....

If this really pans out, would your mom move or is the other guy coming to your location?

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Divorce is a very difficult thing, not only for the husband and wife, but for everyone else nearby.

Hopefully your mom won't make things even more stressful by screwing your dad out of half his retirement and life savings, and then demand alimony as well. Men often come out on the short side of the stick in these matters even when they are not the one initiating things. If she seems the type, he needs to start talking to a GOOD lawyer immediately, preferably without her finding out prematurely.

It's not just her life that is being upended because she has the tingles for an old flame.

My sister left nothing but destruction in her wake doing the same thing. 3 children and a loving husband paid the price for her unfaithfulness.

A close family member in my wife's family did almost this exact thing 6 or 7 years ago now. She and her husband seemed like everything was just fine, then when their daughter graduated high school she rekindled an old flame with a guy she dated when she was like 14 years old. Things weren't exciting in her marriage and she had a late window to go be truly happy, yada yada yada... She divorced her husband, who was a great guy and was pretty devastated. Then new guy came swooping in to save her and ride off into the sunset for the start of the rest of their lives. Until he turned out to be kind of a dick. Turns out he was human and had all manner of flaws, too. Not to mention he left his sick wife and family several states away to run to Texas for the greener pastures, also. They were broken up and he was back trying to mend things with his ex-wife and moved away within a year.

BUT, the one silver lining to the whole thing was that her ex-husband took the time to reflect and realize that he wanted and deserved better. He took a healthy lifestyle and did some things he had been wanting to do for some time but never got around to doing. Bought a project muscle car and lost some weight. He traveled around a bit, and met an awesome woman that he eventually married and that he is crazy about. Now they have a really amazing relationship. Turns out he got the life she left him to find.

I blame Facebook!

2 books to read for them and discuss with a good counselor. 5 Love Languages and Love & Respect.

If they have been together for that long it sounds like they have what they need, just got comfortable "living single" and need a wake-up call.

And that's fucked up! I don't think your situation and OPs situation are apples to apples. Was your sister HELLA selfish? Yes. Did she possibly fuck up her kid's future relationships? Yes.

Difference here is OPs mom is 60ish without small kids. OPs mom can be selfish and chase "happiness," OP has the right to feel sick, angry, whatever. But the OP needs to decide what type of relationship he wants to have with each of his parents.

Not surprising cause it's 100 percent men here but man people are being tough on the old lady!

It's her life let her do what she wants. A lot of the "advice" you are getting here sounds like projection to me.

No truer words were ever spoken.

It sounds silly, but I blame soap operas and chick-flicks for a lot of this type of excuse. I realize I am a male, so my opinion is a but jaded, but guys show affection in different ways, and some just plain have trouble showing it at all. It doesn't mean they don't love someone, and I doubt he made an abrupt change either. he was probably always that way and she knew it when she married him. There are very few fairy tale endings in life...people in real life have jobs, kids, and other commitments, emotional scars and physical pains.

Very seldom does the groom walk into the factory and pick up his bride and carry her out the door to a wonderful and carefree life...it just doesn't work that way, but Hollywood sure like to make people think it does. Most of us are doing good just to carve out a decent survival for ourselves and our families without going nuts in this crazy society that seems to be run by more and more someone named Karen...lol. Just plain sad to see them give up after that amount of time, but it seems to happen more and more.

Don't, it's her life. Sounds like your parents fell out of love long ago and your dad hasn't held up his end of the deal both romantically or accomplishing things around the home. Your mom should do what makes her happy, no one should feel obligated to live in a sexless marriage with no affection, she should make the changes she needs to be happy again. I got divorced for similar reasons as your mom, I'm so much happier today and I'm still good friends with my ex.

Two women disregarding their vows so they could run off with prior partners? I see no difference between the two.

I'll jump on the "stay the hell out of it" bandwagon. Sounds like your mom has made up her mind and isn't coming to you for advice, so she's not likely to appreciate it (or take it) if you give it to her. It's completely reasonable to tell her you're sad about them breaking up, you still feel close to your step-dad and plan to stay in touch with him, and that you're not interested in hearing her speak badly about him. And maybe add that while you accept that they both have the right to pursue happiness as they best see fit, you don't want to be put in the middle of their breakup and would prefer to spend your time together talking about other things.

As for deciding who is right or wrong in the breakup, that's probably not worth a ton of your time either. It's pretty hard to read relationships from the outside. And to quote Uncle Jack from Breaking Bad, "the heart wants what the heart wants, right?" She'll have to live out the consequences of her decisions, same as the rest of us. But assuming you still want to have a connection with her going forward, you're probably best off staying out of it.

whose getting the pinball machines....?

I am sorry for the upsetting changes happening in your life.

Tell your mom, “I don’t like what you are doing but I respect the choices you make in your own life and will always love you”.

Tell your step dad “ I see you as my real dad and that will never change despite your relationship with mom. I’ll always be there for you”.

"I don't like what you are doing..." "despite your relationship with mom"

Nope. Passive Aggressive is never the answer, but it seems you are on the right track with the rest

Yeah, that's some machismo BS, honestly. "Dudes just aren't good at showing emotions" and "Society is getting pussified" are just excuses to continue down an ignorant and head buried in the sand existence. The essence of life is not simply to take what you get or give what you want. There are as many happy endings as there are people willing to make actual strides and do actual work to grow and learn. Emotional scars and physical pains are issues that need and require the work to accept and overcome. And people actually speaking out and acknowledging stress, emotional battles, pain, and mental health issues isn't as a result of the "Karens" of the world taking over. It's simply people actually taking the time to find a healthier and happier way to go about the dim and black clouded existence that you describe so well. Someone wanting more happiness and satisfaction out of life and marriage isn't an affront to masculinity. But masculine insistence that you take what you get because I'm too tired is not an acceptable way to manage a relationship.

We don't know the whole 25 year history either.

After a few months in the beginning, if she needed more, then is the time to communicate.

And if he wasn't getting affection in return, did he stop too, and give up trying ?

Male or female can only take so much rejection.

I do hope the best for them, in what ever they decide. Everybody deserves happiness.

LTG : )

Don't try to fix people. Just be there for them when they are making there decisions. There will be less stress on the both of you if you just follow her lead. Tell her how you feel and that's that. We only live 1x so go with no regrets.

I like this save for the "I don't like what you are doing" part. I feel like I would never know enough about my mom, what's she's had to deal with, where she's at in life, and what's best for her to make that judgement call. Support the mom, support the dad, no reason to throw around judgement when you haven't lived in their shoes.

As hard as this is to hear, my life learning experiences tell me:

You cannot control anyone else's feelings, thoughts and actions. You need to let your mom go and do what she thinks is best for herself. If you have love and compassion left for her, you can catch and support her when/if she falls.

Some people think the grass is always greener and they can always do better with relationships. Hopefully one day they will realize the way to live life is appreciate what you have and build on it. Good things for good people and the karma continues. Honesty with yourself will set you free.

Your mom is not telling you the entire truth. She will hide behind "I am keeping the truth from you to protect you" BS. Learn from this so you do not repeat this in your own life.

I wish you well.

Ha, this is funny...perfect example of twisting comments to fit your own narrative. I said nothing of the sort. Life is good, and I am completely comfortable with my existence but based on the anger in your post, maybe you are living under the black cloud. I was simply pointing out that everyone expresses themselves differently, and it doesn't mean the sentiment is not there. Some guys might think buying their woman a new set of snow tires is a better way to show their affection than a vase of flowers, and who am I to say that is right or wrong? Who says the fairytales portrayed in movies are really the key to a happy relationship? Maybe they are for some, and maybe they aren't for others, but I don't think another person's opinion really counts in someone else's relationship. I do think many people looking for happiness, think what they see in the movies is what they really want....but they are so busy looking at what someone else thinks is ideal, they forget to look inside and make that decision for themselves. They end up chasing something that in the end just leaves them unhappy. Like it or not, life experiences play a part in everyone's relationships...again, some more than others. It doesn't mean they aren't working at the relationship....it doesn't mean they are any less of a person or that the sentiment isn't there. You are basing your opinion on your beliefs, but we are all different. To me, your opinion might be the real "machismo BS" in trying to prove to the world you are better at a relationship than anyone else.

It's the same thing with the obsession for what we are told is "beauty". I am not at all saying a person shouldn't work hard and take care of their body, but women are conditioned to think looking a certain way and being a certain size is the only way to be beautiful, and again, that is just an opinion. True beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and in my world, Cosmo doesn't get to dictate what that looks like.

As to the "Karens" of the world, I said nothing of people trying to live a healthier and happier life. When I refer to a "Karen"....I am referring to those that get offended at the drop of a hat about everything in life they don't happen to agree with. We are all different, we all live different lives, and what truly makes each one of us happy is just as diverse. There is no right or wrong for us to judge by, and no reason to get offended when someone has a different opinion.

When a married person is talking about divorce to be with another particular person, doesn't that usually mean infidelity is already happening either physically or emotionally? It sounds like your mom likely has already taken that step. It can be hard to turn around after that and go back to the spouse because of the hurt put on the one that is jilted.

Even better!

WTF does this have to do with pinball? Unless there are machines involved, which will result in disputed values in the court.

Considering this is in the off-topic section, the OP can post whatever the hell he likes

first thing a divorce lawyer checks nowadays.

If your stepfather is a good dude, talk to him and be supportive while he’s going through this. I had an almost identical situation, and he said it meant a lot to him that I called him to check in on him. My mom left him because he was fired from his job as an executive, and he just kind of gave up on looking for work. He ended up going blind a few years later.

Many of my clients are mgtow. I've listened to various content creators online and find the content interesting and alot makes sense.
On a side note with social media being so interconnected into our lives I would be very very careful getting married in 2021 or years going forward. If one partner is unhappy for a moment they can get attention on fb and infidelity can start easily.
When the divorce happens courts tend to favor one party over the other by a large margin.
Let your stepdad know that its better she left and he has lots of time to pursue traveling etc and to enjoy life.

This isn't new for 2021 any more than it's new for 2010. This is a sad opinion to have that you would be hesitant to marry someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with "because of social media"

Yeah, I guarantee you that you wouldn't have to go very far to find opinions about not getting married after the telephone was invented.

Had an uncle leave my aunt after 30+ years. He had a fling with a younger woman and they made a baby. He ended up eventually leaving the younger woman and my aunt took him back. People are gonna do what they are gonna do and I would not try to fix it else you risk damaging your relationship with her.

He's probably using Space-A travel which is available to retirees.