This is a fantastic forum for serious IBTL concerns.

I don't think the mods fully understood the moral hazards of breaking the public trust, not just once (which would be forgivable), but repeatedly. The stress of uncertainty is clearly taking a toll - Pinsiders being driven to drinking; sleep disruption and deprivation is common. Impacts on work and family are clearly documented. This thread aims to extend our understanding of the impact of management practises and IBTL thread conditions on personal well being, in the contemporary workplace, and on the broader Pinside and social realm.

The discussion here should provide an analytic account of IBTL impact on the social well-being of a representative sample of individuals and households. We assess the propensity of IBTL arrangements that are manifested in various IBTL performance systems either to enhance or to diminish quality of life. Initial exploratory study indicates that IBTL management practises and conditions have impacts that extend beyond the workplace and influence the broader well-being of ALL pinsiders, as clearly documented and mentioned above...

Gotta admit, IBTL managed to normalize what sounds INSANE outside that thread. IATL? That doesn't make sense! But there we are, actually considering this it as a possible award. And in IBTL context, it makes good sense!

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THIS. See. IBTL 2 totally rocks! I'm gonna keep it FAIL: First In After Lock ---and NEVER admit to noticing, no matter what.

Just like I KEEP doing THIS:
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Awards Given

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Oh this is an unexpected TWIST loooool

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Balance has been restored to the universe

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<looks around> seems OK to MEeeeee

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IN Before the LOCK

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IN

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LOL it was a good joke!

IBTU

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UCLT - U Can't!

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Please Don't

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Try Not To

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Please Do Not

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NOT YOU

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You CAN'T

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You...um, can't

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Remember the HamDog from the Dixie Classic Fair? It was a Hotdog, wrapped in a Hamburger, deep fried, then covered with Cheese, Onions, Chili, and Bacon.

I know what you are thinking.

You are thinking “What could be BETTER than THAT?!”

I think I’ve got it…

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First we make a Pizza Crust with Flour, a half cup of Semolina Flour, Water, Yeast, and a tiny bit of Salt and Sugar.

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Let the crust rise while we assemble our ingredients.

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Oh LOOK – They actually sell Fatburgers at Walmart! Thank You Magic Johnson!

And Hot Dogs, but not just ANY Hot Dogs – BACON Hot Dogs! I’d never seen these before. PERFECT!

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Ingredients assembled and the crust is ready!

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Slice the tomatoes, pickles and onion. Grate the cheese. Time to grill these Fatburgers.

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Roll Those Wieners!

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Perfect! Now for the Toppings!

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American Cheese.

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Fatburgers chopped and on top.

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Catsup and Mustard

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Onions. Pickles. That’s Right. Pickles.

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Grated Mozzarella, because this is a pizza, and sliced tomatoes.

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And a signature ring of Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce. And now into the Oven it Goes!

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A Masterpiece! I can See this on a BillBoard Soon! A BEAST-ZA! The HAM-DOG-ZA!
The Hammiest Doggiest Pizza EVER!

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Believe it or not, we are NOT done! One more Topping is needed, because what Ham-Dog-Za is complete without…

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Lettuce! And Horseradish Cheddar Chips. And a Coke!

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I’ve never had a Chinese Pork Bun, but the pizza recipe was posted on the internet so it HAD to be good, right?

The sauce was a mixture of Italian, Mexican, American, and Chinese. It starts with Hunts Garlic and Herb Pasta Sauce.

Then Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce, Hoisin Sauce, Oyster Sauce, Rice Vinegar, Sesame Oil, and Barley Malt Syrup.

I do not think that the Chinese can even PRONOUNCE “Barley Malt Syrup”, so what is it doing in there?

Then I dumped in something called Chinese Five Spice powder, and then Liquid Smoke. How could that not be good?

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The Pizza Dough is rising and I wrote down the sauce recipe. Here we go!

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The sauce is mixed, and the recipe said I could use Chicken instead of Pork, but I still have to call it a Pork Bun Pizza.
I guess it is like the way Pierogi might have potatoes or cheese or prunes. I am getting suspicious about what seems like a huge amount of ingredients. This was supposed to make ONE pizza.
And the third topping here is shredded Cabbage…

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Ok, I dumped a whole lot of sauce on the crust, and clearly I have enough sauce left over for a second pizza.

It looks like we’ll be eating this all week. It better be good!

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Now Chicken on the sauce. I have a bunch of leftover chicken as well.

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So I just put half the raw cabbage on top. If the pizza bombs, I guess we’ll have chicken salad and cole slaw tomorrow.

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And now the recipe calls for Chow Mien Noodles, and those French's French Fried Onions, the ones used on a green bean casserole. Seriously. Don’t believe it?

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Well take a closer look. Yep, Chow Mein Noodles and Crispy Fried Onions.
I know what you are thinking at this point.
You are thinking “How can we make this EVEN BETTER?”

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How about covering it with Walmart Fiesta Blend Cheese?
That’s what the recipe specifically calls for. Fiesta is Monterey Jack, Mexican Queso Quesadillo, and Asadero Cheese.
What the HELL is Asadero Cheese? Donkey Milk? I thought it was Asiago until looked at the picture as I typed this.
Google says it is Mexican Nacho Cheese. Is this REALLY an Authentic Chinese Ingredient?

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The recipe said to bake for 25 to 35 minutes at 425 degrees. I set the dinger for 25 minutes.

Good thing I checked it after 15 minutes! It is already kind of over-done! So how did it TASTE?

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It was SO GOOD that we made ANOTHER Chinese Pork Bun Pizza tonight! Crunchy and Sweet and Mexi-Chiny!

This one was kind of UNDER-Done, though, but it will re-heat really well when we re-bake the leftovers.

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In America, they are called Golumpki. I tried to google Gowumpki, but it insisted that it is spelled Golumpki.

In Poland, it is spelled gołąbki. But is PRONOUNCED “Gowumpki”. It means Pigeon, because um, it just does.
But even in Poland, Golumpkies are not made out of pigeons.

The Polish word Gowumpki is plural because a typical serving consists of several Golumpki. If you have only one, you have a Go-WUMP.

In Czech and Slovak, Holubki is the plural. If you have only one, it is a holub.
In Russia they are called Golubtsy. In the Ukraine they are Holubtsi.

Real Polish people point out that no one would EVER say Go-WUMP.
They would call just one a Golabek. But they PRONOUNCE it “go-woom-bek”.

Golumpkies have been around a long time. Back in Ancient Rus, which was Ukraine, western Russia, Slovakia, and eastern Poland, Golumpkis were considered traditional. So they were probably making Golumpki for centuries before that.

Ancient Rus split into the Greek Orthodox Muscovy (Moscow), and the Catholic Poland/Slovakia/Lithuania in a war led by Casimir IV Jagiello.

They were badly outnumbered, but the Polish story is that Casimir fed his army with gołąbki before a key battle of the Thirteen Years' War, and his victory stemmed from the strength of the hearty meal. Casimir IV Jagiello became Grand Duke of Lithuania and King of Poland. Because of Golumpki.

Casimir should have been the patron saint of Golumpki. Instead, he became Saint Casimir, Patron Saint of Poland.
And Patron Saint of Lithuania. And Patron Saint of the Young. So I guess he was happy with that.

Slovakia already had three Patron saints for 600 years before Ancient Rus split up. The first was The Virgin Mary.
The others were two Byzantine Greek brothers named Saint Cyril and Saint Methodius .

They invented the Cyrillic alphabet, which is the oldest known Slavic alphabet, in order to translate the Bible into the Slavic languages. In 1980, Pope John Paul II declared them Patron Saints of Europe, together with Benedict of Nursia.

Poland is densely forested, so they use a lot of mushrooms, forest fruits, and nuts. And they have a lot of cows and pigs.
And Pigeons. And long cold seasons where the main thing that grows really well is cabbage.

So Stuffed Cabbage Golumpki is just logical. In 1518 the Queen of Poland brought over hundreds of chefs from Italy and France. Because she was really into cooking. These chefs introduced leeks, carrots, lettuce and celery and other vegi’s.
Even today, vegetables like leeks, carrots and celery are known in Polish as włoszczyzna, which refers to Włochy, the Polish name of Italy.

The first Polish cook-book was by Lucyna Ćwierczakiewiczowa. Say THAT three times fast!

What is surprising is that Poland has the worlds lowest percentage of overweight people. And Europe’s highest proportion of high school graduates, over 90% of Poles graduated high school. America only has 75% high school grads.

Poles have won a total of 17 Nobel prizes. The biochemist Casimir Funk got one for first isolating and formulating the concept of "vitamins". He also named them “Vitamins”. Too bad he was humble, because we could have been taking our daily Funkamins.

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Here is Saint Casimir’s Tomb. Looks pretty Bling.

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And next is one of HUNDREDS of Saint Casimir Statues. This one is in Warsaw:

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They have tons of statues of Saint Casimir in Poland and in Lithuania. You would think that somewhere there would be a Golumpki Statue. But I looked and looked, and couldn’t find a single one.

What’s up with THAT? I couldn’t even find a Golumpki Festival, like the Pierogi Festival in Whiting.

Lots of Polish Festivals featuring Golumpki, but not a single Golumpki Fest. Or even a Stuffed-Cabbage Fest.
Then I thought Maybe they call them Pigs-in-a-Blanket, so I googled THAT.

Well, google insists that Golumpki are never called Pigs-in-a-Blanket. Only Hot Dogs rolled up in Biscuit Dough are called Pigs-in-a-Blanket. Stupid google.

There is not even an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for the Biggest Golumpki! How is this even POSSIBLE?

I should TOTALLY create a Golumpki Fest in Cedar Grove. That would totally confuse the three people who would come to it, and might shame the polish places into seeing if they could do it better.

And I’d make the Worlds Biggest Golumpki. --- It would only have to be around two pounds.
And again, maybe some Polish Community would take it as a challenge to do better.

I even talked to Pam about making a Golumpki Statue out of Fiberglass. I envision getting rich selling it to Chicago.
I’d have them take down that stupid Bean in Millennium Park and replace it with a huge Golumpki!
Now THAT would make Chicago people Proud!

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The symbol of Warsaw, Poland’s capital, is a mermaid. The symbol of Poland is a white eagle wearing a crown.
American only has an Eagle. Not only does it NOT wear a crown, it is Bald! We totally should steal Poland’s symbol.

In Krakow, every hour a trumpeter plays the same melody from the top of a tower in the Krakow Square.
However, he abruptly stops the tune in the middle of a note and never finishes.

This symbolizes the original Trumpeter of Krakow, who, long ago, from the top of the tower, saw invaders coming and he played his trumpet to warn the citizens to flee the city. Many citizens heard him play and managed to escape, but as the invaders rode into town, one of them shot an arrow at the trumpeter and killed him while he was playing, interrupting his song. That’s why today the trumpeter never finishes the song.

Polish people went to Sweden and Finland, and brought Golumpki. But tomatoes do not grow there, so in Sweden and Finland, Golumpki are always served with Lingonberry Jam on top.

Typical Ukrainian Holubtsi traditionally contain rice only, since the typical peasant diet was largely vegetarian due to the higher cost of meat.

In Romania they stuff cabbage leaves with shredded cabbage or sauerkraut, not meat. And they pour Dill Soup over the top.

In America, non-Polish people make their Golumpki out of a Stouffer’s Box in the Microwave:

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When I was reading about Golumpki, I saw the reference “Golumpki are also handed out on śmingus-dingus.”

What in the world is a smingus-dingus? I investigated, and I am SO glad that I did.

Back in Ancient Rus, over a thousand years ago, they had two festivals: Smingus. And Dingus.
And they eventually combined them into one.

And all the countries that grew out of Ancient Rus splitting up because Saint Casimir fed his troops Golumpki
all -still to this day- celebrate Smingus-Dingus on the day after Easter. And it is totally great and bizarre.

The festival is traditionally celebrated by boys throwing water over girls they like and spanking them with pussy willows.

Gangs of boys would sneak into girls' homes at daybreak on Easter Monday and all throw buckets of water over them while they were still in bed. After the buckets of water had been thrown, the screaming girls would be dragged to a nearby river or pond and thrown in. Sometimes a girl would be carried out, still in her bed, and both bed and girl were thrown into the water together.

And the girls that don’t drowned, you can whip them with pussy-willows. Or throw more water on them. All day long.

How awesome is THAT!

But WAIT! There is MORE!

In the afternoon of Smingus-Dingus day, the boys would take part in a march known as
chodzenie po dyngusie – "going on the Dingus" – or z kogutkiem – "with the rooster".

next, THROW HER INTO THE POND!

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To go on a Dingus always requires two traditional things. First, you have to dress up like a bear.
You can either wear a real bearskin, or a stand-in made of pea vines.

Next you need to steal a rooster. You can not take a rooster that someone gives you permission to take.
You have to steal one. And get the rooster drunk. By feeding it grain soaked in vodka.

Once you have your bear costume and your drunk, stolen rooster, you are all set.
You may now go door to door and get Golumpki.

The Dingus Parade is kind of like Halloween, except people hand out Golumpki to the bears with the drunk roosters.

And that’s why people always make WAY too much food on Easter. So that there will be plenty for the bears the next day.

And this has been going on for a thousand years.

Some people tried to stop it. In 1410 it was forbidden by the Bishop of Poznań in an edict titled Dingus Prohibitur,
which instructed residents not to "pester or plague others in what is universally called Dingus".

People totally ignored the Bishop.

Here is a display of the bear costumes. I’m guessing that this is the Dingus part. Looks Dingus to ME.

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And more Smingus action.

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There are slight variations in the way that Smingus-Dingus is celebrated .

In Hungary, they dump buckets of water over old ladies. As in – There’s Someone’s Grandma! Soak Her!

You still gotta have a bear suit, and a drunk rooster though.

In modern times, the festival has just gotten out of hand, with boys generally dumping water on anyone.

And they do this in AMERICA as well! Except that they spell it Dyngus with a Y, and no bears or Golumpki.

In the Polish-American community of Pine Creek, Wisconsin, the boys would break into a girls bedroom and chant
Dyngus, dyngus, po dwa jaja; nie chce chleba tylko jaja
("Dyngus, dyngus, for two eggs; I don't want bread but eggs")

And if she gives them two colored Easter Eggs, they don’t throw buckets of water on her.
They go to the next girl’s house, break in, and try again.

Dyngus Day is observed in many Polish American communities, most notably in Buffalo, New York, which hosts the largest continuing event commemorating the day.

The Buffalo Dyngus celebrations only started in the 1960s as an effort by the Polish-American community in the city to find a new focus for its identity. It proved hugely successful, and they have a saying: "everybody is Polish on Dyngus Day."

Party-goers dress up in the red-and-white colors of the Polish flag and carry balloons saying "Happy Dyngus Day" in English. So, no bears, no roosters. But they name a pussy willow prince and have lots of pussy willow stuff. And beer.

Ding!

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Totally out of hand.

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Buffalo, NY -- Dyngus Day Capital of America.

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Dyngus Day always falls on the Monday after Easter. In 2023, Dyngus Day will take place on Monday, April 10th.

La Port Indiana celebrates Dyngus Day as a sort of huge bar crawl, with busses that stop at every bar.

Closer to home, South Bend Indiana has Dyngus Day every year for the past 80 years!

Bobby Kennedy visited South Bend for Dyngus Day in 1968, and Bill Clinton was in the parade in 2008.

And they have a tradition of eating Polish Sausage, Noodles, and kapusta (whatever THAT is).

No bears or drunk roosters though.

Cleveland OH might have drunk roosters at their celebration....

I should totally do a traditional Smingus-Dingus in cedar grove. You KNOW that I always wanted a Rooster!

Can you imagine how jaw-droppingly MYSTIFIED my neighbors would be if I showed up in a bear costume with a drunk stolen rooster demanding golumpki?

Not to mention how angry they would be to find a strange man with a bucket of water in their daughter’s bedroom at midnight? I doubt I’d get a chance to drag her to the pond afterward, let alone whip her with pussy willows.

And if I somehow survived, how many years in prison would that be? I think it’s ten years mandatory just for stealing a chicken. And add Animal Abuse to the sentence for getting the stolen chicken drunk.

I better stick with the Golumpki Fest.

Well, you KNOW what’s coming up next.

You’ve probably been waiting for it since page one.

So let’s get started!

A Gino’s style crust. Lots of oil, and DO NOT KNEED it! I KNEW you were expecting THIS!!!!!

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UGH! Looks like someone threw up! Hamburger, salt, pepper, sugar, poultry seasoning, rice and an egg.

Next I stick my fingers into the throw-up and mix it up real well.

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Awww. Now it’s sweet!

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Cabbage Leaves

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Boiled in vinegar water, Cabbage leaves waiting to be filled

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And the crust is ready and shredded cheese in the bottom of the deep dish pan.

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A Golumpki Pizza!!!!

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Tomato sauce on top and into the oven it goes!

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That is one beautiful Deep Dish Golumpki Pizza!

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Deep Too! The crust was PERFECT! I tried to weigh this monster but it maxed out my scale.
So over ten pounds. Probably twenty pounds!

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Stick a Fork in one and see if it’s ready

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It’s Ready!

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Oh my, that was fun!

I know that you totally expected there to be a Golumpki Pizza at the end of the Smingus-Dingus Rainbow.

And it was a DEEEE-LICIOUS Golumpki Pizza Party!!!!

BUT WAIT!!!! THERE’S MORE!!!!!

Now what? A regular crust, oiled and rising.

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I actually rise the crusts in the living room where it is warmer, protected by pictures of Mama Cat.

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Potatoes and fried onions and fried mushrooms. What’s going on here?

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Oh no. Don’t tell me. It certainly can’t be a….

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Oh YES IT CAN!!!

I bet you weren’t expecting THAT!

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Roll those Pigeons!!!

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PERFECT!!!!

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Nuked Cream Cheese in the center

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Yummy Fried Mushrooms

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And Yummy Fried Onions

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