I feel like such a loser.

ATTENRION PEOPLE!!!!

THIS IS A RACIST REDNECK WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CAR!

She was a fine customer. I'd take her over the beyatch that came in yesterday, no problem.

OK. Let me set the scene. I do smog tests at a one man shop and we are a 5 star yelp review station. Almost everybody loves us because we are fast and a good price.

So this lady comes in who the boss failed last week after using her yelp coupon. She had a broken hose. First off she starts bitching that we are going to charge her $15 for the retest and certificate. So I pull the car in which has been in an accident. The hood is smashed. I try several times to get it open but it won't. In these cases I ask the customer if they have some procedure to get the hood open or if they will go get it fixed. We don't do any repairs and don't need to be liable if the hood should fly open later. I pull the car back out and discuss that with the customer..

The boss always calls me to tell me when I get a great review, but yesterday he had different news...

"Omg. I am of the mind, "If you don't have anything nice to say, best not say anything". Not this time.
One of the men here had trouble getting my hood open. He said, "If you can get your hood open I'll retest your car". Also mentioned the level might be hooked on the inside of the car.

Attempt #1 I manually tried to open my hood and felt with my fingers for the level. Was too tight to find the lever.

Attempt #2 I asked, "Can I borrow some sort of tool that will help me unhook the lever?" ..as he stared at me reclining back on some equipment.
"What kind of tool?" he asked.
"One that might help me unlock the lever" (really?)
"Do you want a screwdriver?", he asks followed by, "do you think that will work?".
"I don't know", I replied. Can you handed me the screwdriver adding,
" if you can't get your head open and I won't be able to read test your car". With a matter of fact look he reclines back on his equipment to watch me.
I continued by angling the screwdriver to one side attempting to lift the lever from inside my head.
" hey it looks like you need help. I think if I go inside your car and pop the hood while you move the lever it might work", he says. It did.
"that's enough you can go back to your seat now", he says.
Dear Sir who did my smog retest today,
I strongly prefer not to return for a smog test here ever. You're reluctance to help me open the hood of my car is disgusting. Not only as a service provider, but as a man. What man reclines back to see a women struggle? How insignificant must you feel to be so detached and unconscious.
I write to you so that you may decide to be more polite and helpful with your future clients."

I feel like such a loser because I should probably pay more attention to my customer's needs than what is happening on pinside at any given moment.

Well, at least for every bad review, we get 50 good ones.

"At least my 5th time here now with our 3rd and newest vehicle. Brian was working again and I wish I could give this place more than 5 stars. I seriously don't know why anyone would go anywhere else. Best price and service in town, no question. With football season here again, I'll probably just go hang out with Brian and watch football at the shop again haha. You're making a mistake going anywhere else for a smog test."

I don't have anything to hide. Here is a link to our shop.
https://www.yelp.com/biz/express-smog-check-la-habra-3?sort_by=date_desc

People love us! We are fast and friendly!

Is it actually "hood" or "head"?

When the boss (Mr. Beers) called yesterday to discuss this matter, I told him it was his fault for failing the lady in the first place.

Darn Pinside!

So true! With all the great reviews, we do occasionally get an unsatisfied customer. The best one was Fahred who had some $100,000 sports car missing the original VIN tags and he was bitching about why it was taking so long, but that review looks to have been scrubbed.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/express-smog-check-la-habra-3?sort_by=rating_asc

" if you can't get your head open and I won't be able to read test your car".

What is really disheartening is when people say they are going to write me a great review and never do.

This lady was already fast fingering her phone before I even came back in to tell her about her hood.

Usually on a bad review, you can check their other ones and they are all the same, but I was her only one.

"What man reclines back to see a women struggle?"

I guess that's me.

I'm sure. It was the boss that dealt with her last time. Speaking of which I just got off the phone with him. I told him that must have been the way it happened and apologized and said I would come in tomorrow with a smile on my face. He's laughing and says these things happen.

That's why I love my job, I have the best boss ever. It was my lifelong ambition to work for Beers and now I am where I want to be.

30+ years in the auto business and I had never thought to use vise grips on the under dash hood release cable, but that's what he said he did. I have used them on hood props, but that genius idea on the release cable never crossed my mind.

Pretty much. Reclining back watching the world struggle.

Beside pinside, I do occasionally read reviews on yelp while at work to find good places to eat or just to humor myself.

I really should have checked yelp before I stopped at the local Pick Up Stix to get some dinner on the way home a while back.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/pick-up-stix-fullerton-3?sort_by=rating_asc

Come on Dave, you know I don't have one of those phones.

But how bout some reviews we can really sink out teeth into?

https://www.yelp.com/biz/el-farolito-placentia

The handle was still there. The trick is to pull the handle and clamp on the wire in the stretched out position and then fiddle fart around at the hood latch and let the car owner worry about fixing their shit later. On cars where the cable is already broken- not our problem.

We like to test as many cars as possible, but some just aren't worth the trouble. As are some customers.

I am an ASE certified master technician with 35 years in the business who has probably done more smog inspections than anybody else in California, along with countless other overhauls and repairs on all makes and models.

But this is the extent of service or repairs I do now.

Tirepressure (resized).jpg

That may be, but for the most part our regular customers are the greatest. Anytime you offer a coupon or deal it will always bring in some undesirables.

We are in a great neighborhood with mostly newer well kept cars. It's been a long time since I got into a vehicle that resembled a McDonalds dumpster.

Every once in a while somebody famous will come in like the aforementioned Christy Mack. I didn't know who she was, but her boyfriend was quick to inform me.

One of my favorite regular customers who lives close by is an up and coming NHRA Top Fuel driver. Her parents are great people too.

https://www.nhra.com/videos/2017/ashley-sanford-s-top-fuel-debut-us-nationals

You've got to understand I had no intention of starting this thread, but half crocked before I went to bed last night, I said what the heck, pinside would be sure to come thru and make me laugh when I got up in the morning. They did not disappoint.

Thanks! Yeah, she did a number on that Camry. I think the airbag to the face taught her the driving lesson I never could.

I wasn't going to fix it, but nobody even the junkyard wanted to give us anything for it, and you don't just throw away a Toyota with 11,000 miles on it. It was a lot of work.

a9fc5fd9 (resized).jpg
b535d2fd (resized).jpg

I see them come in with all different miles on them and they all run perfect. From a lady yesterday with 45,000 to some with close to 300,000.

We got my daughter a cheap 2002 Cavalier to drive while I fixed it, and now she's in love with that car. It's been good so far, but every little thing to do on it is a pain in the ass. From removing a wheel to get to the oil filter, to a major deal just to change a head light bulb. Not to mention well over an hour just to get that fan belt done. And no transmission dipstick or tube.

Chevy went out of their way to make that car mechanic friendly.

I guess the real question now is how could I fix the front end of that Camry and not even get the hood open on that lady's car?

It took me a day to figure it out but I think there was some hidden meaning behind that review-

"What is wrong with that guy, why isn't he staring at my t**s? Why isn't he asking me out or even for my phone#? He's reclining back watching the birds go by, but he doesn't notice me bending over trying to open the hood. Is it me? Can't be as all the guys drool whenever I walk into a room. I'll teach him with a yelp review he'll never forget!"

Are you kidding, I just had breakfast an hour ago.

Screw that, I want to go to Jackbar!

Actually this whole thread has given me the desire to do something I never thought I'd want to do. Open my own business!

O-din's Pinball and Smog Palace. We also serve good food and beer.

If you don't like the food, service, or any of it, feel free to go get ripped off at Wang Chung's sushi bar instead, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Customer- "You know sir, my car is front wheel drive"

Smog Tech- "Really? Maybe you better do the inspection then. Do you know which side the tailpipe is on?"

And that is correct! It may have been another gas station before that. My bosses father in law has owned that entire property including a liquor store, a laundromat, and several other shops since the 70s and he takes great pride in keeping it all up. and keeping all of us there.

Every tenant there is very happy he still does own the property as he is very fair. Otherwise we would all have to leave our happy little corner of the world and go find work elsewhere

I did.

It gives me a place to go and makes it so I don't have to do repairs on these shit boxes anymore.

No, but I did work on Chryslers and Audis at one time.

Fortunately those bad reviews are few and far between, but when I do get one I like to check their other reviews and see how they think.

Apparently this guy is OK with chinese food, but hates people in the tattoo and automotive business.

https://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=rpP_1Eu8HSuv7lxRxu_QIg

Looking at her other reviews she is very fond of acupuncture.

OK,

Back to the scene of the crime. Half hour in, three cars done, three satisfied customers. One from Buena Park, one from La Mirada, one from Downey. I tell ya, they come from far and wide to see us!

All's quiet on the western front now. My paycheck is here with no other notices, so I guess I'm good. Of course who else would fill in on a Saturday for the boss while he's off at some wedding?

He told me about it. He's OK, he realizes the customer is never right.

Since I have a little break in the action, I decided to reflect and understand why I got that review in the first place.

Since it is that young lady's only bad review, and she gave 5 stars in all the others, I decided to pull some quotes out of those other reviews to see what I might have done to make her smog inspection a more pleasurable experience.

"Filtered alkaline water lives here. I'm so happy!"

"thank you for my session today. From one soul to another l, I feel supremely guided and cared for"

"using the body testing methods you use to create a natural and tailored treatment plan was right up my alley"

"The metal from my belly ring was disrupting the energetic health of 9 different organs."

"I have learned the importance of allowing the demands of the human body to circulate energy"

"I had forgotten what it feels like to feel vivacious"

"Looking forward to walking my path and utilizing all the tools around me!"

"I am so appreciative that you helped me at the pit of my despair. I couldn't eat!!!"

"He supports my backbone!"

"To top it all off Palmy revived my poor tight body and helped out my achy knees."

"I cant thank you enough for my relief in pain and tightness."

"I have not since found a more skilled person for massage."

I was going to say call me old fashioned, but the whole time she was here, the thought of supporting her backbone never crossed my mind.

We've come a long way in this industry since the days when one of my coworkers kept a bottle of Jack Daniels on his tool box and another a jar of human fingers.

That's why I only work here part time. I have plenty of drinking work to do at home. Sometimes I even amaze myself how well my pinball machines continue to operate.

So here's the deal.

I am allowed to give friends and family a substantial discount.

And since I consider you all friends, if you come in on a day I work, which is normally Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I will do the inspection and certificate for $30 out the door. That's how good a mood I am in today!

It's got to be 2000 and newer vehicle though, as the old machine for the old cars took a dump a while back and we don't have a replacement yet.

No worries! I've already had one satisfied customer from Texas and one from Florida today.

It's been real busy and the first time in a long time not one has been waving their phone in my face with a yelp deal!

Who needs a tool when you've got nine different organs.

At quarter to five, the 17th inspection of the day rolled in. A nice young lady with a lot of lipstick and a yelp coupon on her phone. 1st one of the day. She was cool and I got it done in less than ten minutes.

This thread was meant strictly for humor. And me glad I still have a job. And Camrys.

Post your best yelp finds here.

On I don't.

Monday AM and I already did 5 in the first hour with no yelps or complaints. Now if only the boss would replace this POS printer that keeps jamming I'd be really happy!

Yeah, but using the 20 year old one off the old machine when the new one took a dump was not the fix I was hoping for.

That pile of ripped paper and the one still stuck in the machine, should be a good enough hint when he shows up tomorrow.

Anytime I get a hood that won't open with normal methods, especially one that has been damaged, I pull the vehicle out and explain the situation to the customer that part of the inspection is looking under the hood. Sometimes they have a rope or a chain holding it down and others it is some special trick to get it open. Others they have no choice but to take it somewhere and have surgery performed on the car, because there is no other way. We are test only so we do no repairs at all.

I will let them at it and if they ask for assistance I have no problem with that.I certainly don't stand over them breathing down their neck as I don't like them doing that to me, so I was standing back with my elbow on the shelf on the front of the smog machine while she toiled.
That must have been my recliner and no customers are allowed in that part of the shop.

Again, instead of just sending them on their way, I make it possible to get it done while they are still there whenever possible.

I guess the part of the story I left out is this young lady did not tell me she had no idea what was wrong with her hood, she went right at it like she had done it before.

Perhaps. But I can't tell when it was smashed and she went right to it and then asked me for a tool which I gave her.

All this took about five minutes and another five minutes to do the test and I guess ruin her day.

This is not ours but it is the same machine. ESP Bar97.

It is now used only on pre 2000 and larger vehicles that can't use the wonderful new DAD system. DAD has made the job much easier as all that is required is plugging into the OBD II connector and no emissions test. BAR97 works the dyno, but is now a large paperweight or recliner if you will. It's been a great machine, but is now obsolete as we are now required to get a new internet based machine like the DAD to work the old cars.

No more dial up service, sorry folks. But that's the printer that barely still works.

bar97 (resized).jpg

Wasn't there a smog or inspection guy in Wayne's World? I can kind of relate to that guy.

I would probably have three here if the other half of the shop hadn't been turned into a storage unit for one of the boss's in law's stuff. He said I could put one in the waiting area, but the only spot available gets a lot of direct sunlight. I'm still contemplating it though.

Best is to just come up to the house on a Saturday or something. That's when we party hardy.

Lol. I just talked to the boss and told him to read all her reviews and then I will send him the pic of xsvtoy's vision of how our shop should be to prevent this from happening again.

Maybe edit it one more time and change the name to Express so he will have some clue what's going on here. And maybe a sign that says acupuncture $10 extra.

oops
https://www.yelp.com/biz/express-smog-check-la-habra-3?sort_by=date_desc

We don't take appointments, sir.

First come, first served.

When I showed up I gave the boss 10 of them. Best one was I feel like a teenager and it's summer so I like to sleep till noon. He said there have been studies that show that is true.

Even better!

Funny thing is I was thinking of bumping this thread last week and showing how that last review was long dead and buried.

Now these are the kind of reviews I like!

"I was in and out of this place in 10 minutes. Came on a Monday around 11:40. No other people here, so no line."

Nobody's perfect.

Unknown (resized).jpg

Dude! Seeing as how the boss cut his weekend short and drove down from Big Bear to open the shop, he has given me the rest of the day off! I feel just like Ferris Bueller.

So how to waste the rest of the day? Disneyland? Knotts Berry Farm?

They always ask me " where's the other guy?" Or "are you the same guy?"

We could probably take in a baseball game as well.

Portillo's you say?

https://www.yelp.com/biz/portillos-hot-dogs-buena-park

I'm in!

I aint sweating' that I won't still have a job come Wednesday.

Life's just gotten too darn easy, that's what it is.

No, and I'll probably be doing the same thing tonight as I did last night. Fortunately tomorrow is my day off.

I diid my own smog while I was there as it is now due and talked to the boss for a while. I'll probably end up working for him Saturday to make up for it.

He is really one of the nicest guys I've ever worked for. I asked him if I should maybe just start working two days instead of three or perhaps I need a real vacation for the first time in the six years I've been there. It's the longest I've held any job in my life.

As I drove away, I opened the window and said to him "good help is hard to find" . He said 'tell me about it".

Wonder what kind of review these guys left.

I'm like John Madden as I won't fly anymore.

One harrowing experience on a 13 hour flight back from Australia and NZ 20 some years ago was enough. Fortunately the pilot had quick reflexes and hit full throttle and put us into a dive after the plane suddenly dropped twice and almost went into a stall or Qantas might have lost it's first plane.

So it's road trip or no trip.

Yeah, I'm looking into that right now.

Backyard wave pool is a dream that can come true, and should.

Indeed.

The launch cable snapped and busted through and cut up the kids leg or foot.

They took the onboard video cameras off shortly after that.

It felt like the fist of god came down and hit the top of that 747. People in the back of the plane were thrown out of their seats.

Thank goodness it was a 747 as I understand it's about the best built airliner ever.

First jet I ever rode was a National stretched DC-8 in the early 70s. The captain flew on top of the clouds as we made our way to Miami.

Boy did that 4 engine cigar tube of a plane feel safe.

dc-8-61_national_airlines_1968_61_n45090 (resized).jpg

DC-10 felt like a slug compared to that DC-8. It was a very narrow streamlined plane.

My dad used to travel a lot for work and I have a whole box of decks of playing cards from the different airlines they used to give away.

Including our local Senior Pedro's Tacos.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/pedros-tacos-fullerton-fullerton

This just in-

My penalty for showing up at noon on Monday still half shitfaced is I will indeed have to work this Saturday.

No, it's just been real hot.

And for me there's nothing more refreshing late at night than Jack n Coke on ice. And another. And then another yet. Makes it really easy to finally get to sleep, whatever time that is.

He already said a long time ago I could bring some machines in but it's run out of room where to put em. Big pile of junk (not mine) in the other side of the shop.

This is about the only benefit I've seen of smart phones as customers no longer have to stare at the tech or breathe down his neck or pick rocks out of their tires while their car is being serviced to keep them entertained.

Do airlines even give these out anymore?

DSCN5945 (resized).JPG

So those are real collectors items then. Sweet!

I think all those cards are more than 25 years old. They've been here a long time. But I was disappointed when I didn't find the Pan Am in that box. I think I used it to play poker with some buddies back in around 1980.

When it comes to surfing, there are no collector's items that aren't expendable.

This just in.

"The person running the place was really rude. He laughed when he told me I wouldn't pass smog because of a check engine light. I guess he thought that was funny? Not coming back again"

I think this one might be on the boss as he is always giggling.

"Thank you sir, no charge, come again"

"Sorry sir, your car won't pass with the check engine lite on, so no point in testing it or taking your money today. We recommend getting it repaired and drive it about 100 miles and when you come back we will verify it is now ready to test"

The usual replies-

"It's always been on and it's always passed"
"I just had the oil changed"
"My mechanic says it can't be fixed"
"You don't know what you are talking about"
"It's a little thingy or a sensor"
"It's just an electrical problem that doesn't affect smog"
"I'll go get my oil changed and come back"
"My mechanic tells me it's a bad gas cap"

Yep, I've heard them all but refuse to argue with any of them.

I may not argue with them, but I will always answer their questions.

"How do you know that just because that light's on it's going to fail?"

"Because when the light is on, I push a button for the option fail"

And drinks beer. And stays up late.

"Sure thing sir. Then go drive it 100-200 miles without the light coming back on, and come back and I'll see if all the monitors are ready"

Nice item. The cheap handheld one at work is great. The pricier they get, the more buttons you gotta push to get where I need to be.

Most our customers say "you very good on yelp, can I do $5 off?"

More like "how I do?" while waving their phone.

I say "I have no idea, I've never owned one of those".