The Screech is just on Sterns because they don't have a real knocker. I really need to get around to adding them since I have the parts.
To me, Thwack just isn't right. I don't hear the THWA part. To me it is more like "ongK" where the G is kinda silent like in -ING. Can't remember what that sound is called. Been 13 years since linguistics class.
Please just let it go. FYI, an easy way to let people know you are kidding is to add a smiley at the end of a statement. For a guy with little history, your post came off pretty strongly. My first impression was 
