Won't be long before we read in the Hollywood Beat that ...

Gene Simmons announces today that he is embarking on a second career in art. He's literally taking a shat each morning before gently packaging each in a seaweed wrap to be shipped to millions of homes around the world using logistics giant UPS. "I chose UPS", Gene added, "because the CEO really digs my work and he suggested we make a unique hemp box with my face embossed on it and then use packing peanuts inside to keep everything in place during shipment". Mr Simmons claims each sculpture is unique like a snowflake, insisting that's what makes them collectible.

This new art form will be marketed by KanedaInc as a series of personal artifacts that are sure to make a statement, leaving viewers gasping to collect their breath. Gene spends a lot of time studying each piece for inspiration and choosing of the title is often preceded by a nap. If you want something special done to make yours unique a minimum $1k fee will apply. Or personalize one today with a message to your significant other - where $250 gets you 25 characters.

Gene doesn't expect this to interfere with his role as Kiss spokesman, noting he can bulk up on fiber on Fri and manufacture a weeks worth of pieces during the weekend. "Hey, it's not as easy as it sounds", Gene said adding, "I'm one of the best in this field already, and this should cement a second star for me on The Walk (Hollywood Walk of FAME).

And with that, the legend sped away in his 911 Carerra. His right hand extended straight in the air, a single middle finger raised as his his salute to Dio and the world.