Quoted from Otaku:
I'm baaaaack (thought this out well and typed it up over the 3 days of hilarious vacation, so this isn't a knee-jerk reaction by any means)... aaaaaand I'm leaving forever. Lol. But really, I'm doing my final acount deactivation (if you deactivate your Pinside account 3 times it permanently locks it, the other times just cause delays in being able to re-activate) and both permanently leaving and locking my account as such - I never planned for this stay to be long anyways, intended for the last hurrah to really be the last one,
but didn't expect to have this extra account activation left - thought I was done - so decided to use it for a little more fun & explanation before I do number tres in due time, which I am doing now. Hooray!
I plan to reimburse Boob, my last remaining debt, by the end of the year silently, as a part of my original plan, between us two guys. That was a genuine mistake, not related to Pinside, and I'm happy to own
up to it. I think we all know it was obviously and completely just a very human mistake caused by being a little too light for the machinery, but we all know it should be paid forward nonetheless. Totally agree,
and will do so ASAP, and have planned to do so as soon as I heard in October of 2019.
I want to do it as I originally intended anyways - it's not about me doing it under the pressure, it's not about me doing it to wave around and redeem myself,
I just want to do it to pay back a debt to a nice guy I owe something to, and that's that. It's not a knee-jerk reaction, it's genuine, and I'm just trying to financially get there...
I've been planning to for some time, before this hub-bub even popped up again. It's just a terrible time right now for anybody, but it will happen. I'm sure this thread will go through
several phases of "He's disappeared, Boob's never seeing a new handtruck", so on and so forth, but I certainly plan on popping up and getting it done, unrelated to Pinside.
The best advice I've ever received from anybody, and continue to receive, was to ignore all of this and just be quiet and it will pass by.
That's the golden advice, and that's what I'm stupid for not listening to over the years. All of the advice here is trash, was trash, and was a tailored on incorrect assumptions -
mainly people talking big about things they understand little themselves, towards a person they've taken little effort to understand. I mean, it's not like I've met any of you
in person, giving any of you an inkling of my true colors, nor do I even know the names of most of you. How do you judge a person like that, and recommend real life fixes? It's like diagnosing a car without
even sitting in it... and without being a mechanic. Had you any real insight, you'd recognize the atmosphere here and the circumstances of the atmosphere here, would do this to anybody.
It's just a mess, and we all do and say stupid things we don't necessarily mean, and I'm sorry that I mispresented myself here for several years, but at least it was rather minor, and nobody
got even close to hurt by it - it's just some drama that we can all forget about.
The truth is, I'm nothing like I've conducted myself here. Ever. That's my fault for representing myself in the way I did, and that's my biggest mistake.
I've misrepresented myself here as part of a guard I put up as a young teenager with a naive start, to deal with the fiery nature here
and quick unrelenting criticism this website is widely known for. Turns out once you do that and start barking the bark, you can't exactly backpedal that, and rinse and repeat, the
hole was dug deeper, so it's turned me into a completely unrecognizable version of myself here dating back as far as when I joined the site 4 years ago. I'm not blind to it, and I've sat back
myself many-a-time and asked myself what I hell I'm doing, why nothing I'm writing sounds like me, or if I really wanted to publish particular posts, because it's completely and utterly unlike me.
I let myself stoop too low, tried to match the room and those worse here than me, in an attempt to bite back,
and conducted myself in ways that were not only damaging, but also extremely unnatural to my kind, helpful, sincere, and actually quite quiet and reserved personality, creating
and extremely poor and off-base representation of my true colors.
The nice thing about that is it's unique to Pinside, and the circumstance/dumpster fire here itself,
and I do not have these problems whenever I log off of the site, and never have, even dating back to 2016. Even in this community, it's how I had such a good drama-free time at shows over the years, and generally made a lot of friends
in pinball and beyond. If it wasn't that way, my life would be completely opposite of what it is - and not full of success, fun, friends, and respect for
those around me. Believe me, I hate "Otaku" as much as all of you do, and I'm looking forward to just being Steven from now on, taking my permanent leave from Pinside,
and closing this book is the obvious solution for my life (or anybody's) regardless if you all decide to do the same and stop wasting your time here.
There is a large amount of toxicity here that many more than myself have identified, and it causes people to act in ways unlike themselves, and unfortunately I am one of the biggest takers
of the bait over the years... I was one of the youngest users the site has ever seen, if not the youngest, so that's to be expected. People like Mistermoberg have almost carbon-copied the situation, so it's just how it is and certainly isn't unique to me,
this site doesn't play well with young people, enthusiastic people, or the inexperienced, so I know it's not my fault. Life is not designed for that, a teenager's upbringing is not meant to be prodded, corrected meticulously, and on full display
on the internet to thousands, and joining this site at such a young age was a mistake - a created a very unfair and unkind situation. Anybody needs room to make mistakes and fix them accordingly, without holier-than-thou remarks, and without commentary. I've learned no good lessons from Pinside, except how cruel and unhelpful some people can be, and to watch what you say,
and sadly, who you ask for help. In contrast, the best lessons I've learned in life were off of the site, and just happened naturally with age
and overcoming different obstacles unrelated to Pinside. That's how it should be, how it was for you guys pre-internet, and it's none of your business. Your advice just doesn't work, isn't good enough, and isn't tailored to the situation
or the true identity of the person to connect or matter. Again, you're recommending very specific things to a person you haven't taken the time to even remotely know or understand, and understand why I have acted certain ways here.
I'm not ignoring your advice because I'm a "classic millenial", I'm ignoring it because it's baseless, redundant, and not tailored to me. I already know way better, I just haven't honored myself by representing that, and I apologize for that. I know best for myself, as well as my friends who actually know me, and clearly none of you know anything
regarding my life - and are very clumsy and ironic (pot & kettle) when recommending certain advice.
My actions and mispresentations have basically created an alter ego here over the years, it's bizarre, and surely a lot of it is my own fault.
I'm not "Otaku", and I look forward to leaving this all behind. Nobody actually involved in my life, who actually knows me down to the core or even slightly, would identify me with any of this, and neither do I.
If I were, these issues would plague my life, my business, and my social circle, and they do not. I generally live a drama-free, happy, fun, and respectful life, and like to live my life pretty uneventfully and peacefully as a person.
I'm not one of those people who want my own MTV show, that's for damn sure. If I were anything like "Otaku", I would be left alone and would be a failure, and surely anybody who knows me would see these signs as soon as, or much quicker than, they appeared
on Pinside, and left me in the dust. But that's just not the case at all. That's just not how it is, and that's not how I am at all. It's a falsehood of an entire situation, and something so twisted, mistaken, and mispresented (that last part my own fault) over the years more and more, there's just no reality to it anymore,
there's no fixing this in a standard manner, and there's no lessons to be learned here.
Don't get the wrong idea, the following statement is NOT about me, I have no concerning feelings, and am doing quite alright, but it crossed my mind and bothered me: If Pinside doesn't simmer down and keeps getting increasingly toxic like this, like it's known for, one of these days (and I'm surprised it hasn't happened already to be completely honest) you're going to get somebody more fragile than I on here that takes pinball and Pinside a little too seriously, slips up, makes some human mistakes, gets made fun of and sucked into the Otaku-Kaneda-Mistermoberg-and-many-others-vacuum-of-unrelenting-hatred-and-following-around, that is going to literally kill themselves over it - I guarantee it.
That sounds extreme, but I find it realistic. Happens all the time with social media, and we all know very well that Pinside makes Facebook look like a safe space. This is not a perfect world and there are no perfect people, and instead of celebrating or just at least ignoring your differences, "not saying anything if you have nothing nice to say", you hone in on them as use them for fun, throwing horrifying insults and conversation fodder amongst each other. With or even without the insults, personal attacks, and hitting below the belt frequently, it's a hell of a lot of pressure and a large circumstance many can't handle, and that's dangerous. You get the right guy who makes pinball his life, doesn't really have much else to hold on for (can be as simple as being lonely or losing a job for some), may or have not have problems
he is trying to mask and deal with by enjoying pinball (I've met many people like that thus far... this hobby seems to attract those and serve as a certain happiness & perhaps a distraction to those struggling with literally anything), makes a human mistake, and you put him in the same unrelenting, unfair, unhuman, no consideration, hopeless situation you've kept me and many others in regardless if we're poking the bear or not, and one of these days you're going to get the wrong guy who can't take it like we have and generally gives too much of a damn like we don't, and
blows his brains out over it. Happens all the time with forums and social media... and with stuff like this allowed to continue here, it's bound to happen here next at some point too. What will you tell their family... "They brought it upon themselves"? Get a grip, and grow up. You're trying a little too hard and too violently to "teach people a lesson", and it's too much, and starting to be criminal. You're worse than cancel culture,
and given your age and political views, I'm surprised, as cancel culture seems to be a big no-no around here. News flash, you're even worse than that, and it's going to end up hurting somebody someday... and the blood will be on your hands. I hope it keeps you up at night. I sleep well.
Well, that's all I have to say and feel very relived after many years. Whew. Goodbye. Final account deactivation, final goodbye, third time's a charm... glad my account will be locked permanently now. It's definitely a great way to go back to turning a new leaf
with some certainty. Just remember going forward, any future discussion is one-sided and you're talking behind my back without me here to be able to defend it and add some truth to the scenario, and if that's your thing, stalking, harassing people, wasting your time, and just being creepy, then just remember you're a lot worse than I ever was or ever will be.
Even just having so much time on your hands makes me pity you. Perhaps I'm not, and never was, the one in most dire straits here. I forgive you.
This situation does not represent me, my business, my family, my upbringing or anything else, and I'm sorry for misrepresenting myself and my morals so much over the years.
I've said some pretty crappy things over the years, and I apologize, but I hope you know I didn't genuinely mean any of it (I actually find myself physically and legitimately unable to stoop as low, nor care as much, as many of you - just how I was raised, how I am, and how I always will be - which is great.)- even at the time... just tried to bark the mean bark of Pinside, especially in my younger years,
which was a mistake and a lie to myself that never did me any justice. Heck, a lot of it was just mocking myself and trolling the heck out of you guys by sounding like an idiot/jokingly emphasizing points of how you thought I was because you were so upset and to easy to mess with, and certainly shouldn't be any accurate representation of my true character either.
Both of these things clearly made one big mistake of being here and fueling the flames, but this is ENTIRELY ALL-INCLUSIVE of everything else, and there is no representation or realism of this off of the site from me... yes, all 4 years of this is entirely unique to here, and this stops here, meaning both the situation and what should be seen as a false representation of myself, by myself.
Thankfully it's always just been a Pinside thing, and stops here, forever. It's just how it is already... don't even have to work to make it that way, it's just how it is... and has been for many years already. Nothing is any different, all I have to do is leave the site behind and I will be fine.
I'm just cutting out the cancer and the toxicity. Between the jokes I've directed at you that went over your heads, and the ways I've misrepresented myself, none of this connects to who I really am, and none of this should reflect my true character. And guess what, you can find that in person... and big shocker,
none of you know me in person. It's all a farce, and it's great to move on.
Final account deactivation feels great, finally the end of this farce. Looking forward to being me full time instead of having this weird niche little pimple where I act like somebody I'm not, because it's not representative of me whatsoever, and always shuts off
when I log off the site, and is always easily forgotten. Now it's permanent, how it should be, and something I should've done a looooooong time ago - just living a normal, happy life, and doing what I do - respecting others and keeping good company around me, instead of acting like any of this really matters,
or that this is how I really want to spend my time.
I'd say "It's been real", but uhh, quite the opposite... literally. In summary... I've misrepresented myself here to a large degree, I'm nothing like this, and I shouldn't have dug the hole by acting completely like somebody I'm not over the years as a defense mechanism. It's a travesty, and a lie, and I'm much better than this, I just haven't taken the time to show that here... because it's so easy to look in see, in person, that I'm right. Never had a bad game deal with anybody, never disrespected anybody off the site, act my age and beyond, have a very fruitful, very mature, very well-oriented, very happy business and life for sure, and just ran my mouth a little too much on the internet, and unfortunately really did a number by representing myself as somebody I'm not... at all. That was a mistake, but the bright side is it's not true, and easily ends here... and never was the case any of the time off-site anyways. Pinside has its ways that need fixing too, and I have not been defeated... I will continue to love and spread the love of pinball, and pinball for me is now much bigger and great than this site could ever be. So it's time to leave.
I'm not signing this "Otaku", I'm signing this Steven. Steven out.
I leave you with a quote from my favorite movie which is super relevant to a tee right now: