I'm at around 70 hours and level 80ish. My first souls game. I'm trying to avoid too many guides or spoilers, but I have looked up stuff like weapon recommendations. Smithing stones have been tough to come by, making me very stingy with them.

I had no idea going in a went with an Astrologer. Learning to dodge and keep distance has been key. I have like 3 staves (staffs?) that I need to choose between, but I'm afraid of wasting stones.

Agreed. I had Astrologer's +8 before finding Meteorite. Meteorite doesn't allow upgrades, but is already better and scales S with INT. I don't think upgrading Astrologer's or Demi-human will make it better than Meteorite. I'm considering sword upgrades for times when I need it, but I also have Moonveil and only need a couple more DEX to use it.

Once you figure out the mechanics, which are extremely opaque, these kinds of decisions are a big part of the fun.

I'm a relative novice, so some of this might not be quite right.

*** MINOR SPOILERS MAYBE ***

When you level up, you get to add a point to an attribute, so for me as Astrologer, I choose INT most often.

A weapon will have minimum values (numbers) for some attributes before you can use it effectively. If any are red, don't bother equipping it.

A weapon will also have a letter for one of more attributes, which is the scaling. If I remember correctly, they're like E,D,C,B,A,S from worst to best. The better it is, the more your weapon improves when you upgrade that particular attribute.

When you strengthen your weapon using stones, it will sometimes improve the scaling as well. There are regular stones with levels, something like 1-5, each type allowing you to upgrade your weapon three levels. So, stone [1] can get you +1, +2, +3. Stone [2] for +4, +5, +6. Somber smithing stones are for a whole other tier of weapons.

What really drove this home for me was when I was in the middle of a conversation with an NPC and was attacked from behind.

YOU DIED

https://www.pcgamer.com/paralysed-former-firefighter-beats-elden-ring-by-blowing-into-tubes/

I tend to forget to spend my runes before I fight bosses. When I get my ass handed to me, I think "Oh, well. I'll just pick them up during the next try." Then, about the 5th attempt, I don't make it around to picking them up.