All time classic...

"Hello my name is Carl and I am offering up my pinball experteese for $50 dollars a hour. I am currently ranked 163rd domestically and 538th internationally and I will teach you any technique you need to master as found here..... http://www.ipdb.org/playing/advanced.html I will also teach you my patent pending breathing regimen. For $50 you get an hour of extreme coaching either at my place (no miners or unaccompanied women) (due to past issues with a liar named Patty J.) I have 6 top quality machines that work 100%. Or I can come to your place ($25) travel fee and help you master one of your games. If I host I do offer a 10 minite break where I offer a sandwhich with your choice from 3 deli meats and american cheese with a shasta brand soda. (the pepsi products are for my son and me) I am available everyday except thurs when my mom and Jeff come over to watch their programs that i record for them. Also sometimes Jeff wants me to film him bench pressing in the game room so that room is off at that time. Slots are filling up so email me soon to get in. Thank you."