Quoted from Frippertron:Congrats on the kid! Now that you are laid up, you are now entering a world of pain. You are gonna be useless to the baby's needs and your wife will let you know it. These next few weeks are gonna be a lot of fun. Don't argue, yes dear the heck out of her, and get outta her way. I have been in your shoes before. Heed my words.
This was my first thought. Ok, second... alien? Damn. Anyway, go hire a baby nurse for the first week or two. It’s going to cost you a mint but it in the end it might save your pin collection.