Lost my mother to colon cancer when I was 23 and she was 48.

We knew ahead of time of course, but nothing could prepare me for when it happened, and before it did, I tried to ignore it and just be positive.

After she passed, I was dead to the world for awhile, sleeping 20 hours a day, and like you, not knowing how to possibly cope with it.

As another poster mentioned, I too often wish I could tell her of my various life achievements. I did lose her at a very pivotal time in my life (she held out until just after she learned I graduated college), and she was the only family member I was close to (leading to a worsened relationship with my father).

I find many reasons to enjoy pinball (repairs, mods, social, etc.), but in these times, being able to disappear into the "world under glass" for those minutes can be priceless.

Time does help eventually, even if that seems impossible now. Been 10 years for me, and my mother did the amazing act of preparing birthday cards for my sister and I for ten years. Got my last one this year. Always a bit difficult, but she lived beyond the grave and continues to do so through my sister and I.

- Greg