My mom passed away in October 2020 at the age of 65. It was sudden, and due to COVID, I wasn't even aware of how sick she was until she had already passed. I feel robbed of saying goodbye. She died alone, 1,000 miles away, suddenly and without us. I've tried to keep myself busy with the work of settling her estate, picking her headstone, taking care of my adult brothers who need guidance and support from their older brother. But it feels awful. She had just retired and was supposed to have many years of vacations and relaxation after a lifetime of hard work. My son, who just turned 7, loved her so much, and she loved him, and the best part of my life was how happy being a Nana made her. I miss talking to her about houses and home improvement (our shared favorite subject). I miss the "I just filed my taxes!" call I'd almost always make after filing (she worked for the IRS for 32 years). I regret so badly not calling every day during the pandemic.

I hope you're coping ok pacmanretro. You're not alone in your grief.