Coping with loss of Mom...

(Topic ID: 231656)

Coping with loss of Mom...


By pacmanretro

64 days ago



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#51 63 days ago

Bump,Aladdin spot on!! We are all here for you Pacmanretro!!!!

#52 63 days ago

Sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was in my early 30's to colon cancer. Then lost my mother 3 years ago also to cancer. I'm 51 and can say it is always hard when a parent passes away. But we go on. Be glad for the time you had to spend with them and keep them in your heart. Remember the love you shared with them. As the saying goes "time heals" but you will always have a piece of your heart that longs for them.
For me the worst time of year is around Christmas. I can't set up the Christmas tree without remembering all the years doing it with my mom and having a tear in my eyes thinking about her. Actually have a tear in my eyes just typing this. Hope all goes well for you and always remember there is nothing wrong with missing her.

#53 63 days ago

I can't say much that has not already been said. My sister, my dad, and my mom. All with cancer. 1986, 1988, and 1989. My mom was the last to go and was the hardest loss because the others lived distantly and she lived 2 miles away. She is the one I talked to about the other two. And then there was no one left to talk to.

The quote that got me by was from John Lennon when his friend (and early Beatle ) Stu Sutcliffe died. What I read is that he told that girl photographer that, " You either die with him, or you go on living."

So, I went on with living. People would say, " How do you deal with this?" and I would say I'm not the first one who has had to deal with this and I won't be the last. Death is a big part of living.

The hardest part was just 10 years ago. I had decided to go through and sort out 3 shoeboxes of family photos and some old 8mm family films. The shoeboxes were replaced with a fortune's worth of photo albums. The films were put to DVD. It turned into a project and I got buried in it. The hardest part of it all was that there is on one else left to share the memories with. Going through and assembling shoeboxes of photos was my grieving process---20 years after the fact.

Lloyd told you to grieve. That is great advise. Go crawl into a hole and grieve. But know that you have to come out and go on living.

EDIT: I forgot. A job. If you don't have a job. Go get one. If you have a part time job, go get a 2nd part time job. If you are offered overtime, take it. Nothing will get you focused on living like having a job. When you are busy working you don't have time to be sitting around thinking about what was.

#54 63 days ago

So sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, I lost my dad to an industrial disease when he was 66 and I was 28.

I am now 70 and lost my mother this past June. She was 107!

Although she was in a care home for the last few years, she was reasonably healthy, right to the end.

She is frequently in my thoughts and I remember many good times and great conversations together. I will never forget her laughter and her quick wit!

Even though she lived to 107, as anyone who lost a loved one will know and whatever age they live to, it is never enough time together.

I am in a 'caring' profession and I frequently attend the event of a death with first responders. After the first responders leave, I stay for a short while to offer compassion and advice to family members left behind. Just helping them with the initial shock of their loved one's death not only helps them but helps me come to terms with my own losses, also.

Time does heal but just remember that the loss of a loved one affects everyone differently. What you are feeling is quite normal and never be afraid to talk about it.

Also, grief counseling is of a great help to many people.

#55 63 days ago
Quoted from cottonm4:

So, I went on with living. People would say, " How do you deal with this?" and I would say I'm not the first one who has had to deal with this and I won't be the last. Death is a big part of living.

Man, this is so so true. When people asked how I was doing, my response always was, "everyone needs to deal with death at some point in their lives. This just happens to be my time."

It's hard not thinking about the final days for a while, but more and more you'll remember the good times instead.

#56 63 days ago

Sorry for your loss. Lost my Mom, Dec 15, 2007 to cancer. It is especially difficult during the holidays, not going to lie. 62 years old and 67 is far too young. Remember the good times, and share them with the grandkids and honor your mom's memory by doing things for others that will remind them of what she meant to y'all. My Mom was the anchor of our family, fortunately my sister stepped up to continue many of the traditions that Mom had especially during the holidays. The pain will subside and the memories will be that much sweeter as time passes. Cancer sucks, hug those you love and tell them everyday. God Bless!

#57 63 days ago

My parents were cremated and are in a columbarium at Fort Snelling in Minneapolis. My in laws had traditional services and are buried in our local cemetery. My son takes his 6 year old and 3 year old to visit their great grandparents a couple times a year.

Fast forward to the other day when Gordon the 6 year old came to visit. He's looking at my wife's hair and notices some white. His comment, "Gramma, I see white hair. It won't be long and you'll be in the ground or in the wall."

Me and other family members found humor in our parents last days...when we could. I know it sounds odd, but it helped.

#58 63 days ago

I'm very sorry for your loss. It doesn't get much more difficult than that.

I strongly recommend spending as much time with your immediate family as possible. I am sure that they will need you as much as you need them. Try building stronger bonds with them for a couple of reasons: it will be the best thing for all of you and it most likely would have been what your mom would have wanted. A strong family bond validates an individual's legacy.

I'll light a candle for you and your family when I attend mass tomorrow.

#59 63 days ago

My mother had been in a coma for a couple days before she passed.

I was at her bedside when she passed. She opened her eyes for the first time in a week.....looked right in my eyes....and a tear rolled down her cheek. Then she was gone.

It was a an honor to be able to share that final moment with her and it is one that I relive often.

#60 63 days ago

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mom to ALS in 1997. She was only 61 and died suddenly. Never got to say goodbye. My dad passed away this year at 80. He survived throat cancer and was taken by a stroke. I actually had an amazing talk with him about a week before his stroke happened and we talked about everything. I'm so glad I had that moment. While he was in the hospital I visited him every day and he knew how much he meant to me. My mom visits me all the time in dreams and I see things that remind me of her. I believe it's because we never got that same talk. My dad has not visited me and I believe we never left anything unsaid.

Losing my mom was devastating but losing my dad this year really took a toll on me. I was not able to sleep, I felt depressed and just really had a tough time dealing with it. I'm still having a tough time. It really makes you re-evaluate what is important in your life. I hope you have support form your family and time is the only thing that can heal you. Forums like this a great as well. You realize how many others are experiencing similar situations. Keep your memories alive and stay strong. It will get better. Peace.

#62 63 days ago

Sorry. Double post.

#63 63 days ago

Sorry to hear of your loss. When my dad passed years ago I kept waiting for the “standard grieving time” to come to an end which I thought was supposed to be about 6mo or something. It took longer for me than I expected but eventually I came to find some peace with it. I still miss having him in my life especially since I would have liked my son to know him and have a grandpa. For me it was only time and more time that helped me through it. I wish for you that you find peace in time as well.

#64 63 days ago

It sounds like you loved and valued your mom and still do. I am so sorry she’s not with you right now- but I am certain she would be touched by your love and respect for her and undoubtedly you will continue to celebrate and add to her legacy with the way you love and care for others. Prayers for you, my friend.

#65 63 days ago

I lost my dad when I was 16. It sucked, because I felt like I was cheated a bit. In the end I realized we had an awesome 16 years together. I'm always telling stories about him to everyone, and it's just real great. People always say, "I wish I could have met him" and it's like, yeah me too. It gets to me that my wife or child will never meet him, but what can you do. We dont get to design the playfield of life.

You never really get over any of this stuff (and why should we), you just stop thinking about it constantly.

Not sure any of this helps, but my condolences.

#66 63 days ago

Lost my mother to colon cancer when I was 23 and she was 48.

We knew ahead of time of course, but nothing could prepare me for when it happened, and before it did, I tried to ignore it and just be positive.

After she passed, I was dead to the world for awhile, sleeping 20 hours a day, and like you, not knowing how to possibly cope with it.

As another poster mentioned, I too often wish I could tell her of my various life achievements. I did lose her at a very pivotal time in my life (she held out until just after she learned I graduated college), and she was the only family member I was close to (leading to a worsened relationship with my father).

I find many reasons to enjoy pinball (repairs, mods, social, etc.), but in these times, being able to disappear into the "world under glass" for those minutes can be priceless.

Time does help eventually, even if that seems impossible now. Been 10 years for me, and my mother did the amazing act of preparing birthday cards for my sister and I for ten years. Got my last one this year. Always a bit difficult, but she lived beyond the grave and continues to do so through my sister and I.

- Greg

#67 63 days ago

Sorry for your loss seems repetitive but it is also so true.
I still have both my parents but unfortunately lost my brother unexpectedly about five years ago and I felt an anguish I had yet to experience before.
It was a tough place to be in. I was the youngest so there was never a point of reference in my world where he was not a part of that. I know that is a similar spot you are in right now and I wish you the best as you work through this.

#68 63 days ago

As I give SO many thumbs up, it started feeling odd. Lol.

But I sincerely appreciate each and EVERY story, well wish, and suggestion.

Thank you ALL.

#69 63 days ago

While this thread is about my mom, and I want to focus on that, I have to share additional very sad news....I just found out from my ex wife that her father suddenly passed yesterday!

He was a very good man to me. I miss him already as well.

Rest in peace Rob

#70 63 days ago
Quoted from pacmanretro:

I don't post tons of personal stuff on here...but I'm struggling with my recent loss...
I'm no child, but I'm the youngest kid.
Mom passed away within last couple weeks, and I'm having a rough time.
I realize many people don't know me personally, but a few do.
I have no idea right now why I'm posting this thread, other than it is my only social meadia; and I hoped it to be therapeutic to mildly express my feelings publicly....
Not sure even how to start. We lost mom to colon cancer end of last month.
Changes view in many life issues.....
I guess I just wanted to say that she is already missed. And that I am very grateful to be a part of this online community of good people.
Thank you to all the pinside people I have met and enjoyed the company of....

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

My fiancées mother in Moscow has just been diagnosed with inoperable cancer in the intestines. She has other issues, but this is very bad. I don't want to say anything to get her upset and I keep hope. But she is 80, and I believe it is very advanced.

They are still analyzing everything, but I expect bad news by Christmas. And it's not exactly close either, Moscow.

I'm worried.

Anyways, I am very sorry for your loss. Truly.

#71 63 days ago
Quoted from Jenk540i:

I'm almost 60 years old. Lost both parents 2 years apart about 8 and 10 years ago.
I still miss them. There are times when my children have some accomplishment or something happens and I think "wow I wish I could tell my Dad or Mom about this"
I think about them both often. Lots of happy memories.
Like they say, time heals a lot of the loss, but you will never forget her. And I know that you will continue to have fond thoughts, but at times you will feel sadness too.
May you find peace

I lost my mom in 2005 and my dad in 2008. While he had signs of dementia at the end, I really think he died of a broken heart over my mom's passing. I feel the exact same way as you at times - would be great to let them know what's all going on. Hopefully they are all watching down over us!!

#72 63 days ago
Quoted from Azmodeus:

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.
My fiancées mother in Moscow has just been diagnosed with inoperable cancer in the intestines. She has other issues, but this is very bad. I don't want to say anything to get her upset and I keep hope. But she is 80, and I believe it is very advanced.
They are still analyzing everything, but I expect bad news by Christmas. And it's not exactly close either, Moscow.
I'm worried.
Anyways, I am very sorry for your loss. Truly.

Thank you so much azmodeus.

I am sorry to hear of the hard times for you guys as well. You are a strong person through everything; and I appreciate the support to me and offer as much back as I can.

Holidays (as people have mentioned) are tough....especially this year :/

Thank you for sharing man.

#73 63 days ago
Quoted from pacmanretro:

While this thread is about my mom, and I want to focus on that, I have to share additional very sad news....I just found out from my ex wife that her father suddenly passed yesterday!
He was a very good man to me. I miss him already as well.
Rest in peace Rob

He was a good guy, drummer in a band, hard working machinist, friend of Rick Nielson (did some basement jamming with him), good father, and continued to be a good person to me (as both in laws did) years later.

Too young. Very sad.

#74 63 days ago
Quoted from pacmanretro:

He was a good guy, drummer in a band, hard working machinist, friend of Rick Nielson (did some basement jamming with him), good father, and continued to be a good person to me (as both in laws did) years later.
Too young. Very sad.

I always loved one of his old cymbals he had sitting at home that had written on it "Rob, thanks for the guitar lesson, Rick" (his friend Rick Nielson of Cheap Trick).

#75 63 days ago
Quoted from pacmanretro:

I don't post tons of personal stuff on here...but I'm struggling with my recent loss...
I'm no child, but I'm the youngest kid.
Mom passed away within last couple weeks, and I'm having a rough time.
I realize many people don't know me personally, but a few do.
I have no idea right now why I'm posting this thread, other than it is my only social meadia; and I hoped it to be therapeutic to mildly express my feelings publicly....
Not sure even how to start. We lost mom to colon cancer end of last month.
Changes view in many life issues.....
I guess I just wanted to say that she is already missed. And that I am very grateful to be a part of this online community of good people.
Thank you to all the pinside people I have met and enjoyed the company of....

You are in our Prayers

#76 63 days ago

My deep condolences!
May the memory of her bring you love in your hart and happyness.
And power to al you guys

#77 63 days ago

To the OP ... just lost my Dad to Leukemia on Thanksgiving day. I feel the same. I can't really offer any new advice.

I can tell you that keeping busy helps. Not sure if that is avoidance or what but when I slow down I start to think about it and it gets tough

I do spend time thanking God for giving him to me as my Dad and for the 77 years he was hear - being thankful always makes me feel a bit better

#78 63 days ago
Quoted from MT45:

To the OP ... just lost my Dad to Leukemia on Thanksgiving day. I feel the same. I can't really offer any new advice.
I can tell you that keeping busy helps. Not sure if that is avoidance or what but when I slow down I start to think about it and it get tough
I do spend time thanking God for giving him to me as my Dad and for the 77 years he was hear - being thankful always makes me feel a bit better

Thank you for your condolences. I am so sorry for your loss as well.

#79 63 days ago

My deepest condolences.
I have lost one parent and am more than grateful for the time I still have with the other.
One day at a time is the best you can do.
Things do get better in time.
Her memory will always be with you.

#80 62 days ago

Saw this on imgur today and thought it was relevant.

pasted_image (resized).png
#81 62 days ago
Quoted from Wolfmarsh:

Saw this on imgur today and thought it was relevant.[quoted image]

If I gave out HALF the love, compassion, effort, hard work, sacrafice, etc that my mom gave to her children - well...it would be a tremendous amount, I'll just say that.

#82 62 days ago

Saddened to read about your loss. May your Mom and Rob Rest In Peace. ❤️

#83 62 days ago
Quoted from Cash_Riprock:

Saddened to read about your loss. May your Mom and Rob Rest In Peace. ❤️

Thank you. Rob was a sudden thing. Either is tough.

I love them both.

Thank you.

#84 62 days ago

I also am dealing with a somewhat recent loss of a parent. In my case, my good friend, my dad. I understand your loss, and I hope that you can embrace her legacy and appreciate the time you had with your mom. I know, it is much easier said than done. We are all family here, warts and all. If one of us is hurting, we all are.

Stay strong. She'd want it that way.

-Jason

#85 62 days ago
Quoted from SDTMinSTL:

I also am dealing with a somewhat recent loss of a parent. In my case, my good friend, my dad. I understand your loss, and I hope that you can embrace her legacy and appreciate the time you had with your mom. I know, it is much easier said than done. We are all family here, warts and all. If one of us is hurting, we all are.
Stay strong. She'd want it that way.
-Jason

Thank you. And also sorry for your loss.

As I lose mom, and now my ex father in law, I can't help but have a flood of images about time left with my dad....so many life views so quickly.

Thank you for sharing.

3 weeks later
#86 38 days ago

How are you holding up, pacmanretro , going through christmas time and transition into new year?
For me 2019 is just another digit increment, I am still "counting" the days, months..

#87 38 days ago

Sorry for your loss. Cancer Sucks! January 4th it was 20 years since it took my Mom away and this past summer after receiving a call that my Father was not answering the door or telephone I drove the 10 minutes to find him dead in the same room where my Mom had died. I am in the process of moving back to my homestead and will sleep in the same room where my parents died. You are doing the right thing talking about it with others, there are a lot of support groups out there for grieving. wish you lots of luck with the battle of coping with your loss. Although I do not personally know you I would do what I could to help you as in my profession I deal with death and people during the worst times of their lives. Peace and good luck!

#88 37 days ago
Quoted from Edenecho:

How are you holding up, pacmanretro , going through christmas time and transition into new year?
For me 2019 is just another digit increment, I am still "counting" the days, months..

Hey.
Thanks for asking.
Certainly very rough. Doesn't even seem like more than a few days have gone by, honestly...
But yeah, it's day by day.

Going into colder winter season doesn't really help either....I feel like I'm already counting the time till spring...that time of year with everything warming up and getting sunnier out etc.

One day at a time.

#89 37 days ago
Quoted from Pappy2112:

Sorry for your loss. Cancer Sucks! January 4th it was 20 years since it took my Mom away and this past summer after receiving a call that my Father was not answering the door or telephone I drove the 10 minutes to find him dead in the same room where my Mom had died. I am in the process of moving back to my homestead and will sleep in the same room where my parents died. You are doing the right thing talking about it with others, there are a lot of support groups out there for grieving. wish you lots of luck with the battle of coping with your loss. Although I do not personally know you I would do what I could to help you as in my profession I deal with death and people during the worst times of their lives. Peace and good luck!

Hi pappy2112

Thank you very much for the condolences.

I am sorry for your recent loss as well. Thank you for sharing your story. I do worry about my dad without mom.

I appreciate your post and compasion.

Thank you.

#90 37 days ago

Sorry for your loss, it is very hard losing a parent. I lost both of my parents within a year of each other, both of my parents were 50 years old when they died. My dad died from cancer and my mom from a massive brain aneurysm that killed her instantly at home. Unfortunately I walked into the house and found my mom after her death. I was 24 at the time when I lost the both of them.

It was a very hard and traumatic time in my life, still think of them both every day. But the way I got through it was thinking of other people who lost their parents at a younger age or maybe in a more violent or less-peaceful way. I also lost my entire family in various ways of death years after my parents, my sister is the only living family member I have left.

Life is short, and it does suck at times. You have to make the best of it. That is my philosophy that I live by. I go to work every day and live my life, sad at times but you need to push through. Best of luck dealing with the process, it does get easier, but it is never forgotten.

Lee

#91 37 days ago
Quoted from wiggy07:

Sorry for your loss, it is very hard losing a parent. I lost both of my parents within a year of each other, both of my parents were 50 years old when they died. My dad died from cancer and my mom from a massive brain aneurysm that killer her instantly at home. Unfortunately I walked into the house and found my mom after her death. I was 24 at the time when I lost the both of them.
It was a very hard and traumatic time in my life, still think of them both every day. But the way I got through it was thinking of other people who lost their parents at a younger age or maybe in a more violent or less-peaceful way. I also lost my entire family in various ways of death years after my parents, my sister is the only living family member I have left.
Life is short, and it does suck at times. You have to make the best of it. That is my philosophy that I live by. I go to work every day and live my life, sad at times but you need to push through. Best of luck dealing with the process, it does get easier, but it is never forgotten.
Lee

Thank you very much, sincerely.
Loosing both parents at that young an age has to be even harder.
Thank you for sharing in your post

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