Sorry for your loss! I posted something similar though different earlier, and I understand what you mean. It is so tough to lose someone you love to such a disease also, instead of a "natural passing". You will get through the days, but it will be some days where Its hard to even stand up from bed and function. From personal experience, try to accept those feelings and be okay with days that you know "is one of those days". or even periods of days.

I can not imagine how it is losing a parent, but.. I know the feeling of loss. Take care, and things will get better, trust me.

I'm almost 60 years old. Lost both parents 2 years apart about 8 and 10 years ago.

I still miss them. There are times when my children have some accomplishment or something happens and I think "wow I wish I could tell my Dad or Mom about this"

I think about them both often. Lots of happy memories.

Like they say, time heals a lot of the loss, but you will never forget her. And I know that you will continue to have fond thoughts, but at times you will feel sadness too.

May you find peace

Hadn't cried in decades about anything, then My Dad passed in Jan 2017. I've been crying ever since. Pinball is a frivolous hobby. Aging parents should get first priority of our time. Nothing wrong with an end of the day roll of the silver ball though no matter how frivolous.

I don't think there is any getting over losing a parent that's close to you; you will always miss them and there will always be times where you think "what would mom do?" Or "what would my mom think of all this right now?". When I have these thoughts, I try to smile and hope she's looking down on me and laughing to herself. I lost my mother-in-law when she was 56 and we were very close. Just know that your mom would probably want you to be strong right now and to realize that life's not worth sweating the small stuff anymore -- getting pissed off in traffic jams, losing patience waiting in a line somewhere, work drama, etc. If I learned anything out of my mother-in-law passing, it's that I've learned to try and prioritize what's really important in life.

Cherish your family, think of her always and do what makes you happy...

-Doug

It's hard to lose a parent.

Grieving can be different for people too. Allow yourself the chance to grieve.

And from experience. 37 years for one parent, 27 years for the other. Over time you tend to remember the good. The grief and hurt will subside.

LTG

Sorry for your loss. My wife SuAnn lost her mom two years ago today, it was very sudden. About three months ago her grandma died on her moms side so it's her mom's mom. And earlier this year SuAnn's dog and cat both died about three weeks apart from each other. I can totally feel her pain and it frustrates me that the only thing I can do is help her through all this the best I can but it never seems like enough and I wish I could do more but I don't know what. I can only hope there will not be any more of those phone call's anytime soon......

John

My dad died suddenly from a car accident 4 years ago. I had been on a trip to Boston and was home less than an hour when the trooper pulled in my driveway. I was 18, he was in a coma for 2 weeks before he passed. I spent every night at the hospital and drove back home every day. I don’t remember much of it because it was such a numb blur, although I do recall that I literally did not sleep for over a week. That was the worst thing ever. It seemed to drag on endlessly

It’s been hard ever since and I was lost for a while there, about 2 years have no clue what I was doing really. I got into this hobby a year after he died when I decided to build the game room, which is modeled after his living room. He owned two of those little pachislo slot machines, and they reminded me of an arcade.

It’s taken off since then and now I own too many already. I’m buried with projects. He was a man of many trades and he had LOTS of tools. Now I use all those tools and skills I learned in the hobby and it’s really helped me immensely with coping and moving on. Living and using his things every day make me feel a lot better. I’ve finally been able to laugh again and go back out and spent time with friends.

Grief takes its natural course and we have to work through it. The hardest thing for me was to force myself to go out and and still do what I loved. The Depression that comes with loss is sneaky and I didn’t suspect it for a long while. Just keep on keeping on, and try to remember that while you may not want to do anything, you’ll feel better if you make yourself go out and have a good time.

I wish you the best in such a difficult time during the holidays.

That was hard for me too. Run a business, take care of an aging parent. I didn't have a life.

I forced myself once a week to go to a soda fountain restaurant place by the University of Minnesota and have a cheeseburger and fries and malted milk. Just to start having a life again.

It takes time. Give yourself plenty of it.

LTG : )

A day doesn't go by that I don't think of my Father....stocky dago, FUNNY, angered quickly, loved music LOUD, good cook, do it yourself-er, taught me that life isn't easy, etc, etc....just an endless loop of memories...let them roll...first year is the toughest...keep breathing. Rick

I’m really sorry to hear and for your loss too. Hang in there and I wish I could say something that makes it better. Honestly I can’t.

Lost my mom at a young-ish age when I wasn’t 30 yet so understand your feelings. It’s been a long time and still miss her every day. She died in her mid-40’s of Lupas. I wish I spent more time with her when she was doing poorly. Regret every day I didn’t spend the time with her when I could. Irony I guess when I’m almost her age of passing and now in her shoes with health.

I am glad to hear you were able to share some cherished memories with your mom during her retirement. It is rough to lose a parent but its a twist of the knife when they are robbed of many years of good living. My girlfriend's father was taken at the same age of brain cancer and the early age is the most frustrating part of it. Hang in there, time will take the edge off.

I am not one that knows you personally, but I am so very sorry for your loss. Having gone through my own cancer treatments I know it's not an easy thing at all. I lost my mom (she was 63) after she got sepsis after a "routine" surgery. I was released from the hospital after my thyroid cancer surgery, and went directly to the hospital she was at. Saw her and she passed about an hour later. It all happened so fast, and I miss her every day.

People say it gets easier, but honestly if it were easy then to me it means you didn't care. Try to focus on the good times you had with your mom. I am hoping you have a great support system in your friends and family. If not, please feel free to give me a call at 267-471-5612 if you need to talk.

Chris

I'm sorry for your loss....I'm fortunate enough to still have both parents, but they're in their late 70s, so I know that the majority of our time together is behind us. Posts like yours remind me how lucky I am.

Take advantage of this community of great people - pinball is only one of many things we have in common. May your mother rest in peace.

Sorry for your loss. My mother passed 12 years ago at age 63.

You are never the same person after losing a parent.... Regardless of age.

Remember how she lived....

It's tough. My dad passed away 15 years ago, but he went fast with a heart attack doing what he liked to do until the very end. I can't imagine what it's like with a long drawn out illness. The grieving seemed to come and go in waves until it finally subsided. You never stop missing them and in the end you remember the best of times, not the bad ones.

I just appreciate my mom is still with us at 96 doing the best she can. And all I can do is whatever I can to help her along.

Sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad at a pretty young age, both him and my age. I was bitter for a long time. Still miss the hell out of him. What has eased the blow for me is now being a dad and caring for my son as my dad cared for me. It’s not easy and I feel for your loss. Time heals everything but remembering and crying for those you love is ok, it’s therapedic to cry and let it all out sometimes.

Interesting timing of your post. I lost my mom to lung cancer 12 years ago now and she never smoked a day in her life. She was only 58 and today is her birthday. I think about her all the time, especially during this time of year because she LOVED Christmas time. We had so many good times as a family, but she has missed out on so much. I have so many good memories of her, but so much of it seems so far away since she died before digital cameras and cell phone videos were super common. We never got to capture many of our family moments like people are able to today so easily. I only have my memories and lots of out of focus, yellowed pictures, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. She only lived to 58, but I like to tell myself that I think we did more together in that time that a lot of people do that live to be in their 80's. We were a very close family and I lived at home for years after high school when I was going to college, so we got to spend a lot of time together and I am very thankful for that.

I lost my dad 12 years ago. I am also the youngest and he was my best friend. My advice is talk to someone. I crawled into a bottle and wemt on a self destructive path and don’t remember a couple years. It’s very hard but with my wife and family I made it through. The holidays are hard but if you keep looking forward you can make it. God bless you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s hard to find the words to say, but in this day and age where everything is a highlight reel, it’s humbling to see the community pull together to offer support, sympathy and shared loss. Everyone has a story and it’s alwsys shocking to learn how much pain we all carry with us, often going unnoticed or unshared.

Your mother is looking down on your proudly today as she raised a empathetic and caring son and good human being.

Marc

Hey to the original poster here.....sorry for your loss. It's a part of life that we all will face at some point in our lives and it flat out sucks. It's the worst two days of your life and you will never forget it. I lost my Dad Dec 6th, 1995 to a massive heart attack watched him leave for work.....got a phone call hours later he had a massive heart attack and I lost my Mom June 24th, 2010 to Lung Cancer. I often think back fondly on both my parents they loved each other for 40 years and they loved me unconditionally. I hope I've made them proud....I think about them every day as they are never far from my heart.....especially the holidays. God I miss them every day and words can't ever describe how much I miss my parents.....but I know they are fine....in heaven, happy together and someday we will all be together again....until then.....I just live my life to the fullest because I know that's what my parents would want....so I live my life to honor them....and do things I know they would want me to do. Somehow you will find comfort.....it could be different but you will find comfort......just give yourself time to heal.

My dad introduced me to pinball in the early 70's and that began my pinball addiction....Dad loved pinball too.....we use to goto our local arcade on Friday nights and play pinball together....perhaps that's one reason why I collect pinball to this day.

One of my fondest memories was of my Father shopping with him at X-mas time....he loved Bing Crosby's White Christmas....when the song came on in the store we were shopping in (Woolworth's comes to mind) he'd begin to sing it.....loud enough that I was often embarrassed a kid....trying to scurry away like I didn't know who that crazy man was.......Now looking back I wish I could have just one moment in time with him arm in arm as I loved the guy I'd be singing the song with him smiling and laughing.

To those who still have a parent or both parents....cherish them every day, call them just to say hi, hug them, tell them you love them, because the day they are no longer there and you can't is life changing....it really is the worst day of your life.

To the original poster, you are not along my friend....it's something we all deal with...hopefully this and everyone else posting here can help you cope with your loss.

Cheers!

So sorry for your loss. It is tough to lose a parent and especially this time of year with the holidays.

I lost my 50 year old brother to cancer 9 years ago and he went into hospice just before Christmas and my parents had to bury their son. Now Dad is 89 and Mom is 87 and I just got them into independent living late this summer. The sale of their house of 52 years just closed this week and now Dad can focus all attention on Mom. Her health has been bad for years and after being in ICU numerous times the past 2 months, it was time for Hospice to step in. They are 3 hours away and I have been making the trip home every weekend to spend as much time and do as much as I can for them.

Cherish your memories of Mom and reach out to family and friends and us here to let you know you are not alone and help in your grieving.

Im sorry for your loss. I recently lost my grandma to cancer. She was the most important person in the world to me. The way i delt with it is i worked 2 full time jobs (16 hours a day) and saved up enough money for a trip to europe, (we alwaysed talked about going together). I went on the trip solo (although i felt she was always close by), i went to some of her favorite spots and did alot of thinking. I feel like the trip helped, but what helps the most is remembering how lucky i was to be able to have such a special relationship with her. I just remind myself that not everyone is as lucky as I was, not everyone is blessed with a beautiful relationship. There is absolutely no shame in the feelings you're experiencing but just don't forget to count your blessings.

Strange, thats is pretty much my story as well.

Lately I have been fearing my Moms death as for she just turned 80. So when I saw the OP's post my heart sank.

My condolence to you right now in your time of loss. I hope the pinside community can be of some comfort.

It is so hard to say goodbye to a parent. I lost my mom about a year ago. Christmas is hard because it was one of her favorite times of year.

It will never be the same. It will ease some with time. The saying time heals all wounds isn't really true. Time simply teaches you how to cope.

You will find that most simple things will bring back a flood of memories, a song, a place, a smell, etc. at first these may make you sad. Later, ( I promise) they will make you smile. It is God's way of sending you gentle memories of all the times you were blessed to spend together. In those moments you will still be connected and you can feel it.

My religious tradition teaches me that I will see my loved ones again. If you are a believer that can be a power source of comfort and relief.

I pray you find solace with friends and family. It is not a time to be alone even though you may think it is what you need it really isn't.

Ken

Your story is a great reminder for all of us to cherish our parents while we've still got them. Thank you for sharing and I hope you're feeling better soon. Hold onto those fond memories of your mother.

My heartfelt condolences for your loss.
The heartache from grief is what we are sharing to know it sucks, but needed, and time is the remedy.

We all grieve differently. and by society and faith. For myself, my father committed suicide when I was 21.
The family, my brothers all felt and addressed grief differently.

I focused not on the event or why, but as Lloyd and others mentioned, also focusing on the positive, happy memories,
My wife only remembers the bad...its how we are.

No magic answers...just you arent alone, and those close to you hopefully will be open with feelings to help everyone.

My hope is to share, if it helps you, to celebrate her joy.....I know when I go I want my friends to party instead.

Really sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 8 years ago without warning, really gutted me. Only time will heal the pain, just focus on all the good memories you have of her. God bless.

I’m sorry for your loss...I lost my mom, who I was close to, last year. The holidays are the toughest times for me still, and while the sorrow never completely goes away, the good days outnumber the bad. Even chatting on here will help you out. For me, I hit the bar every day for awhile (I realize that sounds bad, at face value)..but I wouldn’t even necessarily drink anything...I would just to be there to talk to someone. There will be times that you don’t want to talk to family about stuff...and this is a good venue for those chats. Things will get better for you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Sadly, I talk to my mother more now since she passed than I did when she was alive.

Sorry for your loss.

Feel your feelings. Rinse and repeat.
Be as social as possible. We're meant to be with people.
Take extra good care of yourself. Get extra sleep if you need to.
Also, be compassionate with yourself. And allow yourself unlimited time to grieve.
Time will heal you up bit by bit.

Ask, "how do I feel right now?" -- and let it be so. You have much to process, on so many levels.

Time + feeling your feelings is the path.

Patience.
Breathing deeply.
Feeling feelings.
Processing.
Let it be ok when it hurts. (Compassion) allow it.
If you have a creative outlet for feeling emotions, do it... (For me it's playing guitar)

You got this... In time. The smiles will come.

Mof

Also, it takes courage to post here about feelings when we mostly focus on objects, games, and competing... So good job for reaching out to people.

Mof

Sorry for your loss. I’m sitting on my couch reading these posts with tears in my eyes. One week ago, I could visit my mom anytime I wanted. She lived just a couple miles down the road. She is gone now and if I want to hear her voice I have to listen to the few messages that she had left on my phone. Though she was fighting her own illness she would call me and worry about the cold that I had. I’m amazed at how fast she declined and the 5 days in hospice was very brutal . She is at peace now but my heart feels like it is ripped apart and there is this huge feeling of emptiness that I can’t describe. No matter what religion , race, gender,or political side you fall on I think we all love our moms, FUCK CANCER

Peace and love

The best thing you can do is what you are doing. Talk. Communicate your feelings. As others have said you will get through it. No fun indeed. Hang tough.

Sorry to hear about your mom. It's really tough.

I lost my mom earlier this year to sepsis. Christmas eve last year she was complaining about having the flu or something and how she was going to skip christmas eve dinner. I got a call around 3am christmas morning that she was in the ICU in a coma and she never left the hospital, passing away on Jan 8th of this year.

It all stemmed from a bug bite on her leg that she kept scratching and got infected, then it traveled through her blood.

I know the holidays are especially hard, but hang in there. Your mom would have wanted you to enjoy them.

That's because many of us have been where you are now and it's not easy. Death never is. About 3 years ago, my wife and I lost 3 of our parents in 9 months ( my wife lost her dad 32 years ago of a massive heart attack at the age of 56). All ended up in hospice care. My dad lasted 5 days, my mom 10 days and my mother in law 1 1/2 months. In fact, my mom and mother in law went into hospice care on the same day. All were in their 80,s so they were fortunate to have a good run. Unlike many, I don't think of them everyday, at least not anymore. Now, it's simple little things that happen that bring back memories of them. Sometimes in a good way and other times not.

Hang in there. It gets easier, although it may not seem like it ever will. It sounds like you and your mom were pretty close. Be fortunate you had her for 67 years. Unfortunately, many don't get that long.

I pray for you and nothing in life is more difficult then losing a loved one. When I lost my Father it was unbearable, it took me 10 years before I could look at photos. Time will help with emotions but I still never really got over it and not sure I ever will. All you can do is try and live life to its fullest-because that is what she would have wanted you to do. Again sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss Pacmanretro!
It is very hard to lose people close to you, as others have said you will never forget them. Both of my parents are still alive. I never knew my grandpas but loved both grandmothers with all my heart! I lost both of them over ten years ago and I am starting to cry just writing this last sentence! The best thing you can possibly do is remember them!!!! Try to fixate on the good and healthy times as cancer is just aweful! Be thankful for the family you have left and for all the years you did have with your mother! Best wishes and again so sorry to hear you lost a loved one!

I don't know you Pacmanretro, but we all have something in common here on this forum. Post away my man, it sounds like your mom was a great person and you are honoring her by telling us who she was, which is in turn, who you are. It takes a real man to know when he needs support from friends and family.
Your post is valid. It has reminded me who I need to call today to tell her that I love her.

-Peace be with you