(Topic ID: 279042)

Caring for someone with Cancer

By seeburg220

1 year ago


Topic Heartbeat

Topic Stats

  • 20 posts
  • 12 Pinsiders participating
  • Latest reply 1 year ago by Methos
  • Topic is favorited by 2 Pinsiders

You

17
#1 1 year ago

My Mom once said to me, "growing old isn't for the faint of heart". Man, was she right. In the last 5 years, I have lost my Dad to brain cancer, my mother in law to ovarian cancer. My wife is battling ovarian cancer (for the last 4 years), and I have a friend who is a recent brain cancer survivor. Most recently, a former coworker succumbed to lung cancer. He was my age - 55. Then it was Neil Peart last January, and now Eddie Van Halen.

To say "enough already", would be an understatement. Though I am grateful and thankful that I do not have cancer, I have nonetheless, been dealing with it, every day, for six years. At this point, with all of this cancer in my life, I should probably be a drunk, but I've actually almost stopped drinking altogether. It's just no fun anymore, and with Covid, I'd be drinking alone. My only coping mechanism, is music and pinball. Thank God for those two!

This is mostly a venting post. But, I am interested in hearing from others, who have a loved one who is battling cancer, and how they (you) deal with it day in and day out. I usually try and find a little time each day, to go out to my man-barn, and put on some ELO or Rush, or other kickass music and work on my pins. It clears my head, and for an hour or so, I can forget all about fucking cancer.

My wife is great and she is the kindest person I have ever known. That's the bitch of it - I'd take her place in a second if I could. She doesn't deserve this shit. But, I can't. So, I'll try and keep doing the next best thing - support her and be her rock. If you know about ovarian cancer, you know it's one of the worst ones out there. It's relentless, like wack-a-mole. All cancer sucks, though.

One thing cancer has done for me - it has reminded me to be thankful for every minute of every day that I have with her, as well as my family, and my own life. I guess that's why I no longer have any patience or tolerance for negative things, like politics - both sides, I can't stand them, as well as negative people. It's all wasted energy. No more.

So, to sum up: FU CANCER and live your days as humble and happy as you can.

#2 1 year ago

You certainly have a lot going on in your life. Venting and talking about it is all good. I wish I could help you bud.
BTW, Did you ever get a Seeberg 161 or 201?

#3 1 year ago

Unfortunately, cancer research has been hampered by a very large and powerful group of people that believe a magical sky fairy will save them.

#4 1 year ago

I was given 50/50 chance of survival with cancer when I 39, that was 12 years ago! My wife was there all the way through the treatment etc, was horrible for her and the 4 kids. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy sucked big time but at least my hair stayed put after they said it will fall out, that made me smile.
Life changing moment for sure.

#5 1 year ago

I was diagnosed with a colon cancer 8 years ago, had half of the colon removed and have fortunately been fine since. So the cancer diagnosis is not always a death sentence. It did change my attitude to life however.

Be thankful for every moment, ignore the negative people and don't postpone the important things. All the best for you and your wife!

#6 1 year ago

It's not an easy run... my stepson has Stage 4 brain cancer currently lives with us so that we can keep him as comfortable as possible, and he wants for nothing.
The hardest is watching a vibrant human turning into an empty shell of their former self. Last week my dog was diagnosed with lymphoma so he's on borrowed time as well ...
Tough year ...

#7 1 year ago

First off, fuck cancer.

A few years my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in remission for now but the cancer she had was aggressive and every time she gets a headache or something now, we worry.

Helping her through that and basically being a single parent to our kids, one whom has special needs, was probably the roughest time period of my life.

One of her surgeries caused her to develop a bad infection in her chest, and I had to clean and pack the hole every day. She would cry from the pain as I did it, every day. I'll never forget some of that.

Hold tough everyone, I know personally it almost brought me to my breaking point.

*Hugs*

#8 1 year ago
Quoted from ToucanF16:

You certainly have a lot going on in your life. Venting and talking about it is all good. I wish I could help you bud.
BTW, Did you ever get a Seeberg 161 or 201?

Thanks Toucan. Yes, I did find a 201. I was told it wasn't working. I got it home and found a couple of quarters had jammed in the chute. It's worked fine since, and I play it often. Love it!

#9 1 year ago
Quoted from Lostcause:

I was given 50/50 chance of survival with cancer when I 39, that was 12 years ago! My wife was there all the way through the treatment etc, was horrible for her and the 4 kids. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy sucked big time but at least my hair stayed put after they said it will fall out, that made me smile.
Life changing moment for sure.

That's fantastic you're kicking ass ! It's nice to read a positive story. I know all about the hair thing; my wife's has fallen out twice, and the last time, it wasn't supposed to. The hair thing seems to be hit or miss from what I can figure. She's been pretty okay with it and it's small potatoes in the big picture. She's had chemo through most of it, but the first round was the worst. Like you said, brutal.

#10 1 year ago
Quoted from Tuukka:

I was diagnosed with a colon cancer 8 years ago, had half of the colon removed and have fortunately been fine since. So the cancer diagnosis is not always a death sentence. It did change my attitude to life however.
Be thankful for every moment, ignore the negative people and don't postpone the important things. All the best for you and your wife!

I am glad you fought and won ! That must have been one helluva fight. I try and tell myself that it isn't 100% fatal, that there are some who overcome it. I believe attitude, a positive one, is huge. Luckily, my wife's disposition is great most of the time, and I try and reinforce that with her. It means being brave when you don't always think you can be. Thanks for the insight and well wishes.

#11 1 year ago
Quoted from transprtr4u:

It's not an easy run... my stepson has Stage 4 brain cancer currently lives with us so that we can keep him as comfortable as possible, and he wants for nothing.
The hardest is watching a vibrant human turning into an empty shell of their former self. Last week my dog was diagnosed with lymphoma so he's on borrowed time as well ...
Tough year ...

Geez, I'm sorry to hear this. Having someone younger have it, makes it even harder for sure. I know what you mean about the watching part being the worst. It sounds like you're doing everything you can for him and that's good that he has you in his life to help and be with him. It most definitely is a tough year. Stay strong my friend.

#12 1 year ago
Quoted from Wolfmarsh:

First off, fuck cancer.
A few years my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in remission for now but the cancer she had was aggressive and every time she gets a headache or something now, we worry.
Helping her through that and basically being a single parent to our kids, one whom has special needs, was probably the roughest time period of my life.
One of her surgeries caused her to develop a bad infection in her chest, and I had to clean and pack the hole every day. She would cry from the pain as I did it, every day. I'll never forget some of that.
Hold tough everyone, I know personally it almost brought me to my breaking point.
*Hugs*

Yes, F-cancer ! I couldn't agree more. That's great she's in remission now! Keep fighting the fight. Those surgeries are brutal for sure. My wife had a similar thing happen and had to have a wound vac and a skin graft on her stomach area. That was a rough experience for both of us.
Thanks for sharing and God bless.

#13 1 year ago
Quoted from seeburg220:

Thanks for sharing and God bless.

You too. I think it helps normalize it to know that a lot of us go through the same kind of stuff. It's really hard and it's OK to talk about it.

Hug your wife!

#14 1 year ago

Wife has just had last treatment for melanoma 3 months ago.
She is still recovering from it.
The affects of the treatment.
Right now the tumors are dead.
She is slowly starting to get her energy back.
Lost my dog to cancer in January, a cousin in February, another cousin in September.
Yup. It’s been a rough year.
You just keep going.
Keep fighting.

#15 1 year ago

Sorry man... I know this well.

My wife has had breast cancer two times and skin cancer once. Lost my sister to ovarian, and my Dad to lung cancer (he would have told anyone it was his fault for smoking like a chimney). Never the less... its a huge burden on the patients as well as the care-givers. My wife is tough as nails, sweet as pie. She is a role-model for me... not sure I would have handled all of the poking, prodding, cutting, and reconstruction even remotely as well as she has.

Its weird living with it. Its always there... I remember when she had breast cancer the first time at 35 yrs.... we got through it and thought... "I wonder when it's coming back?" Sure as shit it came back when she was 50.

So its a burden you learn to live with as a survivor and care-giver... so yeah it sucks. You just can't look back too often, always look ahead. Its cliche but you have to look at every day as a gift... try not to let petty crap influence your life. Look to things that bring each other joy... and laugh as much as possible.

Take care.. chin up!

#16 1 year ago

Just caring for a sick person is a tough job. My wife has an auto immune disease for 8 years now. We have had a lot of ups and downs with her health through the years. This has been a huge down year and has been tough. We have been in and out of the emergency room 7 times in the last two months. It has been tough on me and having everything fall on my shoulders. Having to leave work for emergencies and worry about how they are going to react to me taking time off during this. I try not to show the stress I am under to my wife due to how it will make her stress and more sick. I stay strong for her and take on everything that I can. stay positive, up beat, and know it will get better. This year has been one of the toughest but I know there are brighter days ahead, that is what keeps me moving. You also have to take it one day at a time and when you do have a good day, that is a huge win!! During this lock down (which I am still in) When work is done at 5 pm every thursday, I head to the basement and have what I call thirsty Thursday. Beer and pinball for 2 hours then come up and cook dinner. that has been a huge stress reliever this year.

So the only advice on taking care of someone, keep the love in your heart and let it shine through. There will be better days ahead.

#17 1 year ago

Wow, some great words! Thank you all for your support. I think I needed to read those thoughts and inspirations. We will fight on and keep kicking cancer's butt. It's a beautiful day today here in Virginia and I got the mlb channel on and am reassembling Nugent, after a cabinet repaint. Its gonna be a good day. Thanks Guys. <insert virtual beers>

#18 1 year ago

Just keep plugging brother. Take it one day at a time. Live in the moment at the moment. Tomorrow will be another day.

#19 1 year ago
Quoted from mrgone:

You just keep going.
Keep fighting.

This ^^^^
Fuck cancer. I watched my mom take care of my dad for a long time (colon cancer). It takes an incredible amount of compassion and energy to care for someone else close to you. To do this is hard and scary. It can also be one of the most incredible lessons in humanity. To the person you are caring for it is big time heroic. Not many want to ask for help. But when you are there when they need you that moment in your life is priceless.
Just keep on trucking and don’t forget to take care of yourself so you can be strong for others.

#20 1 year ago

My father has stage 4 colon, and while he is still going, I know it's only a matter of time.

My family and I have radically changed our diet, the products we use, and what we are exposed to. The risks of cancer have been studied and published immensely, yet it amazes me how many of us ignore them. I think back to how I lived my first 45 years and it makes me shudder at what I did to myself.

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