Welcome to Pinside and good luck convincing the wife!!
As for what machine to get ... well, you’re already doing the right thing by playing lots of games in person! There’s no better way to decide. Rankings are subjective and at least partially based on factors you likely don’t care about.
I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the idea of a used game — I’m sure ~$3000 would a much easier sell to the wife than the $6500 or whatever for a new game. There are some really fun games in that range, even if they’re not “top 10” in the rankings. Seek out a World Cup Soccer, F-14 Tomcat, The Getaway: High Speed II, Funhouse, and other games. You might really enjoy something just as much for half the price of a new-in-box game, and if something does go wrong ... well that’s what this forum is for . Fixing pinball machines isn’t rocket science.
By the way, if you do go the used route, you will probably get a better deal on the Pinside marketplace than from a retailer.