Quoted from Manimal:
I have several old digger cranes I restored. Aside from the fact they can be fairly fragile at close to 100 years old, I really don't like folks messing with them. But there is always "that" family member that acts like they own the place, love to order everyone else around, and decide they know just exactly how the cranes operate and have mastered the skill of picking up whatever they want. I've never been one that was too shy to speak his mind, but in a lot of these cases, I don't want to create drama while mom & dad and the rest of the family are there. I was a cop for 20 years, and I always get visions of people standing in front of their trailer house in their stained wife-beater t-shirts and shorts, arguing over the dumbest, and I do mean the dumbest things. I don't want to be that family, although I live far from any trailer park......lol So I decided to put rolled up notes in some of the prize capsules inside my diggers. I then find a good time and encourage everyone to play them as a group. The kicker being that some of the notes contain chores, such as washing the dinner dishes, taking out the trash, etc. I even make a big deal out of it and make sure EVERYONE gets a turn. Doesn't take long and "that" family member disappears. He has some work he brought along, or has something he needs to look at on the car......any reason to get out of the room. The last couple of trips, the game room was the emptiest place in the whole house. Maybe you could suggest a tournament and high-score gets to do dishes. I guarantee, he will only play once.
Now back to the trailer-house scene. As you can imagine, I did see my share of "festive" trailer house Christmases over the years, but one in particular stands out above all others. I got a call to a "Battery with weapon in Progress". I roll up to the scene to see this huge burly man wearing only shorts, standing in his front yard (Think Captain Spalding), covered in blood pretty much from head to toe. He looked like he had murdered an entire church congregation with a dull axe and a blender. I don't see his wife around and fearing the worst, I order the man to drop his cigarette and the "extra 20% more" can of Budweiser so I can place him in cuffs "for his own protection as well as mine". As I am starting to grab his wrists, his wife comes around the corner of the trailer house swinging "the weapon", and shreaking like a Halloween Witch after 10 Red-Bulls. I quickly realize the guy I have a hold of is the victim in all of this, and his wife is the reason for all of the cuts and scrapes. I'm thinking, what the hell is she swinging? What kind of weapon is that? Is it a bag of knives and razor blades?.....Imagine my surprise when I realize, she is actually swinging a cat by the tail. I won't bore you with the details of the arrest, and how I got laughed out of the jail when I listed the weapon as "multiple felines".......but as I am standing here today it did happen. I remember talking to the guy after the medics were through cleaning him up and he told me his wife was mad because he paid more attention to the cats than he did to her. She said they were nasty and complained how their litterbox smelled up the whole house. He then made some crude comment about a pussy cat smelling better than.....well you know the rest, and the fight was on. He said at one point she was throwing the cats at him and swinging 2 at a time by the tail. I know it was sad, but I was laughing so hard listening to him re-live the details, I nearly pissed myself. He said the cats would fall and run, and she would just grab another and start swinging. Turns out the cuts were no-where near as bad as I thought, but you know how head scratches bleed. Every time I pass a trailer house to this day, I get a mental image of that guy standing there with a cat wrapped around his bald head, and his wife pulling it off by the tail. So boys and girls, this is why I guess I don't get more forceful with some folks at family gatherings....we are all just one beer, or one stray comment away from our own version of a Redneck Christmas. Maybe letting the family play pinball isn't so bad after all...........
I'm in my Crown Vic about to start my shift and you made my night!