Yardie Taxis would be the dodgiest bunch of dudes I've dealt with lol
Last time I was here, I went north two hours on the train to Stoke on Trent to see my soccer team Tottenham Hotspur play Stoke City.
The game was at 5pm Saturday night, so we thought we would get up there early, so we could have a look around the town. When we got there about midday, every shop was closed with roller doors pulled down over the store fronts.
We walked around for ages, looking for somewhere to eat. And everything was closed up tight. Eventually we found this tiny pub on a corner, and went in. There were about 10 rough dudes in there, and a dense cloud of stale smoke. I go up to the counter, and ask "can I order some food please"
"Not on a match day..."
"Ummm ... huh?"
"No food on a match day"
"Ahhh ... is there anywhere in the town we can get some food?"
"Not on a match day"
Total confusion kicks in ... "Ummm .. whys that?"
"All the opposition fans come to town and smash everything up. That's why everything is shuttered up"
F**king crazy!
He tells us to try this other pub around the corner, so we go there (this is me, Fiona and Danni who's about 9 at the time) and order some drinks. Can we see the food menu please?
"Never on a match day"
Haha!
So we sat there for a few hours, drinking and eating potato crisps which was the only food source in the whole town!
Then we had to get a taxi to get to the ground (it's a way out of town)
So we see a taxi sitting in a yard. I go up to the guy "can you take us to the football please?"
Gruff voice "you gotta see the gaffer...."
"Oh, where's the gaffer?"
"In the shed"
So we saunter like 10 feet over to this tiny portacom building, walk in the door ... and behind this desk is the splitting image of Danny Devito's character in Taxi. The tiny room is completely full of cigarette smoke, like a bad nightclub in the 80s.
"Ahhhh ... can we go to the football please?"
Danny picks up his microphone, and says click click "blah mutter mutter blah" click click "number 5"
We look at him through the dense haze, and say "oh, car number 5?"
"Number 5"
"Ahhhh ... ok..."
So we turn around, miraculously find the door handle through the smoke, and walk back outside. The exact same car was still sitting there, 10 feet away, and the same guy goes "football?"
Classic.
As far as pub photos, we have been to a few but AOD had to stay at home because I forgot it's ID. But it made it to the Comedy Store tonight.
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