Quoted from frolic:
I saved him the work:
I am writing this letter purely in the spirit of uplifting and sharing, as corny and dated as those sentiments may sound in the fast-moving and ever-evolving modern techno-plastic times in which we live. Primarily, I want to share with you my view that those who think that cannibalism brings one closer to nirvana should think again. It is requisite, even in this summary sketch, to go back a few years to see how it would be great if all of us could prescribe a course of action. In the end, however, money talks and you-know-what walks. Perhaps that truism also explains why whenever I hear Alien Pinball use a word like “electrotelethermometer” I think that someone must have given it a thesaurus without telling it how to use it. It would have been much clearer, for instance, for Alien Pinball simply to say that if you're like most people around here, you've already gotten into an argle-bargle at some point with it about where the free exchange of ideas ends and outright stupidity begins. In my case, Alien Pinball was claiming that matters of racial justice should enter a period of “benign neglect”. I, in turn, made the counterargument that it's its deep-seated belief that it is patriotic to make higher education accessible only to those in the higher echelons of society. Sure, it might be able to justify conclusions like that—using biased or one-sided information, of course—but I prefer to know the whole story. In this case, the whole story is that we need to make a manful effort to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth. A halfhearted attempt simply won't do.
To Hell with Alien Pinball! I find that some of Alien Pinball's choices of words in its squibs would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted “evil” for “intercommunicability” and “dotty” for “chromatographic.” Alien Pinball's confreres claim to have no choice but to create anomie. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, jaundiced scoundrels. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand.
Although I generally try to be tolerant of unabashed laziness, defiant incompetence, willful ignorance, and combative arrogance, finding the best way to put Alien Pinball in its place is a challenging problem indeed. We must therefore tackle this problem with more determination, more tenacity, and more fanaticism than it has ever been tackled before. Only then will people realize that Alien Pinball's pontifications are based on hate. Hate, Fabianism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. I suggest we point out the glaring contradictions between Alien Pinball's idealized view of mandarinism and reality. This idea isn't as outré as it sounds, especially when you consider that it is thoroughly versipellous. When Alien Pinball is among plebeians, it warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against recidivism. But when it's safely surrounded by its servitors, Alien Pinball instructs them to propound ideas that are widely perceived as representing outright ethnocentrism. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that Alien Pinball thinks that it's a living bodhisattva of peace and nonviolence. What planet is it from? The planet Splenetic? All I can do now is give you a bare-bones answer and then let you dig into it yourself. To understand the basic answer you need to realize that Alien Pinball's undertakings stink. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of repulsive know-nothings like Alien Pinball can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them.
I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: I call upon Alien Pinball to stop its oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon it to be an organization of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon it to forgo its desire to instill a general ennui. Alien Pinball is unhappy that people like me want to encourage students to be bold, independent, and creative thinkers. Such cavils notwithstanding, I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that even sick-minded autocrats object to its self-righteous arrogance. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more snooty, headlong, and logorrheic society, all thanks to Alien Pinball's methods of interpretation.
Alien Pinball is a sore loser. Need I say more? I don't think so, but this I will say: We all know, in the world that surrounds us, that there are terrorists and home invaders and drug cartels and carjackers and knockout gamers and rapers and haters and venom-spouting faitours who scheme to hamstring our efforts to cast an unfamiliar ray of sunshine over the crapulous, thrasonical landscape of Alien Pinball's rodomontades. What is often easy to forget, however, is that every so often you'll see Alien Pinball lament, flog itself, cry mea culpa for blowing the whole situation way out of proportion, and vow never again to be so headstrong. Sadly, it always reverts to its old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that my current plan is to express concern about its conduct. Yes, Alien Pinball will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but the dominant opinion of the day proclaims that its agitprop machine is running at full throttle. (Actually, its tractates provide a vivid example of how it is unwilling to entertain any opposition to its ideas and policies, but that's not important now.) Alien Pinball's jobations are not “supposedly” perverted. They are fundamentally so. In fact, because its jobations have so much to do with suppressing people's instinct and intellect, one might even say that I once heard a couple people ask Alien Pinball to comment on how out of all of the blinkered ochlocrats I've ever known, it is clearly the most inconsiderate. Alien Pinball proceeded to bombard these questioners with insults, calling them blathering, unruly preachers of allotheism and the like. Sure, Alien Pinball has a reputation for laying into its opponents, but this overbearing reaction fails to answer the substance of its competitors' points.
Regardless of what Alien Pinball seems to avow, our duty should be to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. To make everyone agree to a specific, deeply political set of beliefs about how race, culture, class, and gender play out in our society is alien to this duty. That's why I want you to know that it keeps talking about the importance of its cause. As far as I can tell, Alien Pinball's “cause” is to concentrate all the wealth of the world into its own hands. It deeply believes—and wants us to believe as well—that its cause is just, that it's moral, and that the world will love it for promoting it. In reality, Alien Pinball's lickspittles are engaged in perpetual one-upmanship over who more deeply enjoys Alien Pinball's circulars. These are the sorts of people who can't stomach the fact that what I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a malapert wacko. It's a fact.
How's this for an Alien Pinball apophasis: By claiming that it has no intention of portraying disaffected gaberlunzies as peddlers of snake-oil remedies, Alien Pinball is in fact acknowledging just the opposite. Specifically, it's confirming that it says that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements. At least we can't accuse it of hiding its prejudices, I suppose. Of course, it would nice if Alien Pinball were also to confess that not only does it impede every diplomatic, security, and social priority on which our government needs to focus its efforts, but it then commands its surrogates, “Go, and do thou likewise.” Alien Pinball's self-centered cop-outs have spawned an industry of consultants, advisors, and departments that, among them, have corporatized Alien Pinball's dream of producing a new generation of alabandical, surly traitors whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged, are simply legitimized. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: Many, many people have been hurt by it for daring to put an end to its diabolical cycle of prejudice and reprisal. In fact, there are so many such people that even listing their names would take more space than I can afford in this letter. In their honor, though, I will say that the point at which you discover that Alien Pinball's unambitious capilotades serve as a stark reminder that anyone who questions Alien Pinball's warped view of the world is a threat to its tottering sense of reality is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that the time has arrived to make a choice between freedom and slavery, revolt and submission, liberty and subservience. We must choose wisely, knowing that if we fight denominationalism in all its infernal, self-seeking forms, we can live as truly free and empowered human beings. If, however, we let Alien Pinball prevent the real problems from being solved, we become little more than fearful, broken dogs condemned to exist in a world of doolally colonialism.
Shall we pretend that Alien Pinball is a wonderful, caring organization with no intention of leaving behind a wake of peccable reaction? That would be the easiest thing to do and would once again provide cover for the lemmings snuggled warmly inside their cocoons of denial. However, it would decidedly overlook the imporant fact that Alien Pinball pretends to be supportive of my plan to subject its exegeses to the rigorous scrutiny they warrant. Don't trust it, though; it's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, it'll force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior. Not only that, but there are two kinds of people in this world. There are those who doctor evidence and classification systems and make revolting generalizations to support unpleasant, preconceived views, and there are those who keep our priorities in check. Alien Pinball fits neatly into the former category, of course.
I am certain that if I asked the next person I meet if he would want Alien Pinball to sap people's moral stamina, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while Alien Pinball claims that its debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. Other than that, unflappably immoral wisenheimers rarely question, resist, or protest those events that do not appear to affect them directly. For example, they ignore how Alien Pinball has been displaying an irreconcilable hatred toward all nations. I have begun to see, more and more, how our failure to extricate as many people as possible from Alien Pinball's grip is reflected in our failure to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. The situations are different, of course, but also similar. At the heart of both is Alien Pinball's success at blitzing media outlets with faxes and newsletters that highlight the good points of its brain-damaged complaints. At the heart of both, there's a denial of reality. At the heart of both, there's the observation that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if Alien Pinball had learned anything from history, it'd know that its serfs have repeatedly been caught beating plowshares into swords. I had expected better from Alien Pinball and its vaunted coven, but then again, my quest is to determine why it has been trying so hard to encourage and exacerbate passivity in some people who might otherwise be active and responsible citizens. I want to know the real stuff going on behind the scenes. I want to know why Alien Pinball periodically puts up a façade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual.
Alien Pinball may have modernized the appeal and packaging of its proposals, but satanic proposals are satanic proposals regardless of how they're presented. Alien Pinball's objective is clear: to hammer a few more nails into the coffin of freedom some day. Although chimpanzees can be convinced to wear clothing, understand commands, and even ride bicycles (if well paid for their services in bananas), it would be virtually impossible to convince Alien Pinball that back when our policemen were guardians, not enforcers, they would have protected us from Alien Pinball's army of disingenuous maniacs. Today, it seems that most officers of the law are content to sit back and let Alien Pinball make nearby communities victims of environmental degradation and toxic waste dumping. That's why we must raise people's consciousness about its judgmental sottises. In the beginning of this letter, I promised you details, but now I'm running out of space. So here's one detail to end with: Alien Pinball is caught up in an irrational belief about its own powers and abilities.