(Topic ID: 255664)

A real man


By o-din

72 days ago



Topic Stats

  • 117 posts
  • 41 Pinsiders participating
  • Latest reply 23 days ago by o-din
  • Topic is favorited by 2 Pinsiders

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There are 117 posts in this topic. You are on page 3 of 3.
#101 60 days ago
Quoted from MrBally:

I can relate to so much of this. My 93 y.o. mother recently went into assisted living. The almost daily calls from her screaming at me about something missing or not working at home.Then she would be fine when I went over.
Her main issue was not eating properly and messing with her meds that I would stage for her. She'd say she was eating right as I would bring food over, have it delivered and even had Meals on Wheels bring her prepared food. I'd see that she was chowing down on cookies and Cheeze-Its. Maybe a little bit of the fruits and veggies I would bring over.
She finally realized she should move there when I would refuse to drop everything as she used me as a crutch. It was killing me. My best one was when she begged me to bring her a cup of coffee as the coffee maker was overflowing due to operator error. She refused to use the Keurig I bought for her as well. No coffee delivery from me as I was in Chicago when she called me.
It took three weeks to get her into an awesome place (she was in it for a month awhile back when she broke her arm). She resisted and was stubborn to the end but now she is so happy and thriving there.
She's participating in activities daily, eating right (great food in a dining room with real table settings) and genuinely enjoying herself.
It's very expensive, but her and my late dad lived a simple life and saved for this possibility.
I am finally able to relax and live my life again. It was killing me.

Yep, after mom retired from teaching in the 80s or 90s, she lived alone but stayed very busy. Playing tennis, bowling, hosting and playing bridge, and taking trips around the world. As each of those activities went away I think loneliness took over, and the last activity was still being able to walk down to the corner and get her hair done. She wasn't as demanding, but I brought her meals, took her out and took care of repairs around the house. In the last year or so there were several 911 calls and trips to the hospital and a couple surgeries. The last one was serious enough where it was no longer OK for her to be alone so at first we had someone come in to watch her part time. They were for the most part pretty worthless. So we got her into the first assisted living place for two or three years until we are where we are now. And yes, it has been a bit of a burden for me, where I felt like I was always on call, day or night.

I have made my own observations, and sometimes all one old lady needs is more old ladies, not zombies, to sit with and talk with, eat with, and do other activities with. and caregivers that treat her like a human being, and regular visits and outings with old friends and family members. And where she is now, there is and will be plenty of that.

#102 60 days ago

Just got off the phone with mom

"So when are you coming to get me out of here?" "How did I get out of the old place and you didn't" "They have us playing a bunch of silly games like we are in kindergarten"

After we talked a while I asked did you like the last place better? Aren't there a bunch of nice people?

"The food is great, and some very nice people and several ladies I have already made friends with. Way better than the last place"

Then I went on to explain why she is there.

"So how come you are free and I am not?"

"Mom, you have been free for almost 100 years, and it is for your own safety and well being. I have been free for only 50 years, and it seems like my time in that regard is running out"

#103 60 days ago
Quoted from o-din:

Just got off the phone with mom
"So when are you coming to get me out of here?" "How did I get out of the old place and you didn't" "They have us playing a bunch of silly games like we are in kindergarten"
After we talked a while I asked did you like the last place better? Aren't there a bunch of nice people?
"The food is great, and some very nice people and several ladies I have already made friends with. Way better than the last place"
Then I went on to explain why she is there.
"So how come you are free and I am not?"
"Mom, you have been free for almost 100 years, and it is for your own safety and well being. I have been free for only 50 years, and it seems like my time in that regard is running out"

My mom was fine after aboot ten days. She no longer says she wants out. The staff says it usually takes three weeks to get acclimated.

#104 60 days ago
Quoted from MrBally:

My mom was fine after aboot ten days. She no longer says she wants out. The staff says it usually takes three weeks to get acclimated.

My mom was fine at the last place about the time I got her out of there. But there was no way in hell I was leaving her there.

You are right though, I've already had a couple calls from her old friends that will be paying her a visit. I would have been ashamed to send them to see her at the last place. It was an emergency situation, and the director who is a very nice guy, handled it accordingly.

#105 60 days ago

As a parting note she said "all my money is yours to do whatever you want with it"

"Gee mom, thanks for the 4 Bagger and Skill Roll then"

#106 60 days ago

To o-din and other Pinsiders,

Happy Thanksgiving!

I've been paying attention, reading all the posts, and following this thread. My Mom is 82 yrs old and doing fairly well, lives on her own property, still cuts the grass with her riding lawnmower, still driving, health ok, etc.

At some point in the future, possible in 2020, I plan to move back up to Indiana to be closer to her and my daughter, and my Dad. Then I will be able to check on her and visit with her more regularly, help with chores more often, etc. For years I've been living down in S Louisiana, which is over 900 miles away via driving. She broke her wrist a few months back, so that slowed her up for a while. And of course she is right-handed, and broke her right wrist. She's healed up now, and back driving her car now.

MLV

#107 60 days ago

Always do the best you can to keep your Mom safe and happy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

#108 60 days ago

Since I've got bigger priorities, I decided to go with cornish game hens this year.

#109 60 days ago
Quoted from o-din:

Since I've got bigger priorities, I decided to go with cornish game hens this year.

Also going with a smaller size bottle of Jack this year for Thanksgiving holiday weekend?
J-D-smallbottle (resized).jpg

#110 60 days ago

That may be all that's left by the time the Lions come on.

#111 59 days ago
Quoted from o-din:

As a parting note she said "all my money is yours to do whatever you want with it"
"Gee mom, thanks for the 4 Bagger and Skill Roll then"

Your well off brother might be able to make it over after all if he gets wind of that.

#112 59 days ago

They always come over Christmas eve and like to play them anyway.

I had mentioned my neighbor across the street and how his parents had reverse mortgaged the house so they have to move. I had a good talk with him last week and it wasn't so much his mom who passed away 10 or so years ago, but it was his step dad who spent his later years dressing up like Santa Claus. Apparently he was really playing the part.

Now that I have the house empty, fixed all the plumbing and got it ready to go, they may not want to move in because they need a year and a half until their son graduates, but my brother has made it clear if mom passes away he wants to sell it right away and they don't want to move in just to have to move out and I can't give them any guarantee, and I'm just about fed up discussing any of this or trying to get a response from him. Sometimes it's tough being me.

#113 59 days ago

My brother's name is Bruce and we've been singing this song since the 1970s.

Don't bring me down Bruuuuce.

#114 54 days ago

Paid mom a visit this weekend while dropping off her new bed. They were busy watching a movie, so I tried not to interrupt for long. First time she has not said get me out of here, or can't you stay longer.

Instead she asked how I found such a nice place , with such nice people.

She's happy, and I'm happy. And still have not talked to my brother. All seems right with the world.

#115 54 days ago
Quoted from o-din:

First time she has not said get me out of here, or can't you stay longer.

Instead she asked how I found such a nice place , with such nice people.

She's happy, and I'm happy.

I've been quiet this whole thread but following along, wondering how I could have handled situations like those described above, as both my parents died still living at home, each around 78 due to smoking, with all their wits intact up until rather quick exits. I have to hand it to a lot of you folks.

So please believe me when I say your news really brightened my day. I'm happy for both of you!

#116 54 days ago

Thanks!

It must be tough with a will to live, I'm never going to die attitude like mom has when she started losing her memory and health. A bit of it must be some sort of denial. I kept reminding her she can no longer do what is necessary on her own to take care of herself. When they complain, it's tough to know if it's real, or just a result of their own confusion.

Do your research before taking an elderly person to a care home. They all put up great sales pitches. I believe the one week spent in the last place is helping her see it could be much worse than where she is now. I think we both can see it certainly isn't going to get any better than where she is now. It's a good place.

1 month later
#117 23 days ago

What I have decided if mom has any more complaints, I will be happy to stop off for a hot dog and a root beer float on the way to the last place.

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There are 117 posts in this topic. You are on page 3 of 3.

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