Quoted from MrBally:
I can relate to so much of this. My 93 y.o. mother recently went into assisted living. The almost daily calls from her screaming at me about something missing or not working at home.Then she would be fine when I went over.
Her main issue was not eating properly and messing with her meds that I would stage for her. She'd say she was eating right as I would bring food over, have it delivered and even had Meals on Wheels bring her prepared food. I'd see that she was chowing down on cookies and Cheeze-Its. Maybe a little bit of the fruits and veggies I would bring over.
She finally realized she should move there when I would refuse to drop everything as she used me as a crutch. It was killing me. My best one was when she begged me to bring her a cup of coffee as the coffee maker was overflowing due to operator error. She refused to use the Keurig I bought for her as well. No coffee delivery from me as I was in Chicago when she called me.
It took three weeks to get her into an awesome place (she was in it for a month awhile back when she broke her arm). She resisted and was stubborn to the end but now she is so happy and thriving there.
She's participating in activities daily, eating right (great food in a dining room with real table settings) and genuinely enjoying herself.
It's very expensive, but her and my late dad lived a simple life and saved for this possibility.
I am finally able to relax and live my life again. It was killing me.
Yep, after mom retired from teaching in the 80s or 90s, she lived alone but stayed very busy. Playing tennis, bowling, hosting and playing bridge, and taking trips around the world. As each of those activities went away I think loneliness took over, and the last activity was still being able to walk down to the corner and get her hair done. She wasn't as demanding, but I brought her meals, took her out and took care of repairs around the house. In the last year or so there were several 911 calls and trips to the hospital and a couple surgeries. The last one was serious enough where it was no longer OK for her to be alone so at first we had someone come in to watch her part time. They were for the most part pretty worthless. So we got her into the first assisted living place for two or three years until we are where we are now. And yes, it has been a bit of a burden for me, where I felt like I was always on call, day or night.
I have made my own observations, and sometimes all one old lady needs is more old ladies, not zombies, to sit with and talk with, eat with, and do other activities with. and caregivers that treat her like a human being, and regular visits and outings with old friends and family members. And where she is now, there is and will be plenty of that.