I've lived with chronic anxiety for more than 30 years now (I'm 54). To say it hasn't been a major impact on my life would certainly be an understatement. Things are never really perfect, but they are manageable. I have to say one of the worst things has to be the anxiety that hits me when I am sleeping. Like clockwork, about 2 hours after going to bed it will wake me up and I'll end up in a full blown panic attack after about 5 minutes. It takes about another 20-30 minutes to settle down. When I was younger, this would repeat all night (in much shorter intervals) as I tried to sleep and it got to the point I was afraid to go to sleep. And it happened almost every night... Now I can go months, maybe even a few years without it happening. It's mostly under control - and I say 'mostly'. Yesterday evening I was having very bad anxiety, but I still slept ok. Tonight I was very tired and went to bed around 11:30. So 3am rolls around and I wake up. I know what is happening, what is coming. It's like being tied to the tracks with a freight train barreling down on me. I can rationalize to myself all I want that I'm going to be ok and it will pass... I feel absolutely horrible though... Sometimes playing a game like candy crush on my tablet helps because it distracts my mind with something else. Tonight I ended up going out for a drive until I started feeling better. Then I came home and here I am, still up at 4am.

I'm bothered by a few things, but I am not sure if they contribute to my anxiety. I'm concerned someone I know didn't survive covid.. I only found out 2 days ago and their business was closed today when it should have been open. Not a good sign... Work has been a major source of stress for me. I'm ready to retire, but not financially secure enough to retire long term without going back to work at some time. I think about taking a long break, like a year from work because I just need to detach myself from that completely - at least for a while.

Pinball is one thing that helps me still feel sane in this crazy world. I've made some good friends along the way and have had the chance to do some really fun stuff too. I'd probably play a few games now, except I live in a condo and I don't think my neighbors would appreciate that at 4:30am.

I didn't need to write this, but I thought I would share my experience for anyone interested enough to read. Maybe a few of you know all too well what anxiety and panic attacks are like. I don't feel like writing more so I'll end my message here. I'm doing ok now.. Will watch a bit of tv, maybe eat something and try to get some rest in a while.

Rob

I have been taking 30mg citalopram daily for probably the last 10-15 years. I'm sure it helps because I have been mostly free of panic attacks, but they still occasionally happen. I think seasonal changes have an affect too.

I hated wide open spaces because I felt that if something bad was going to happen, I wouldn't be able to get help. It may sound silly (and it is!), but anxiety tends to throw your rationality out the window. So the past several years I have made it a point to keep facing my anxiety and now I really love open spaces (in the country). I love long drives maybe to another town or city just to have lunch or enjoy the scenery. In the 90's, it used to be so bad for me I had trouble just getting out of my car and going into an arcade. I've come a long way since then, took my life back and didn't let anxiety rule my life any more.

Rob

Xanax and other similar drugs should be just short term use. They can be habit forming and lose their effectiveness over time. My Doctor would only prescribe me a few if I really needed them. I haven't taken any of that in many years.

I think the anxiety was hereditary because my mother also suffered from it. Although sometimes I think she was mildly schizophrenic. Lately my sister has had some issues with moderate depression. My father had a very mild myoclonic tick which I also inherited as 'action myoclonus'. It's kind of a double whammy at times, but there's still worse things out there.

Oh yeah, that describes it fairly well. The anxiety triggers your 'fight or flight' response:

"The fight-or-flight response is triggered by the release of hormones that prepare your body to either stay and deal with a threat or to run away to safety"

After a certain point if you're experiencing a panic attack, you just need to ride the storm the best you can until it is over (10 or 15 minutes). Talking to someone really helps - anything to divert your thoughts away from how you are feeling.

Rob

Sometimes you may not know it, but people you know may be dealing with stress and anxiety and they keep it hidden. Nobody really likes to talk about it and it's a difficult subject to discuss sometimes. For example, I never talked to my parents about it and I mostly avoided talking to friends about it as well. More of my friends know now than before, but they do tell me they still don't quite understand it. If I am having a bad time, I'll just ask to talk about anything really, I just need to know someone cares and that in itself helps a lot.

Rob

Thank you all for the replies and sharing your own stories. It's surprising how many here have somewhat similar experiences. I've been feeling better the past few days.

Rob

Many months ago I bought a 30lb queen size weighted blanket. I really like it and I think it helps me sleep better.

I also have a fan on (white noise) which helps too.

Rob